Boost..do you know what i'm talking about? it's like ensure. Before i went into treatment that was the only thing i could stomach..that and coffee and cigarettes. In the Center when we didn't eat 100% of our food, they gave us boost...
The point is...I'm back to drinking boost..i don't feel like eating..i don't want to chew, taste, feel it.
I'm scared
okay..i'm realizing this might not sound like a big deal...but it's a slippery slope...and i don't know how to fix this.
I don't want to eat..simple as that. Or i guess not simple as that. i don't know..i'm rambling. I just need to get my stuff together. I ned to just eat..right? sounds easy...should be easy. Not easy.
I don't want to go back there..so why am i flirting with a total relapse? I have no idea.
Are you eating foods you enjoy? That could be a big part of it...you have to enjoy the tastes of food.
You can't rely on boost forever...I used to have that as a snack and it was helpful, but I usually paired it with some arrowroot cookies and sometimes dipped them in.
I know the ED probably makes you think that all food is disgusting but there has to be some things you like. You just need to try out new recipes!
Yes you need to eat. Food = fuel = keeping you alive and running on a day to day basis. Just like a car, if it doesnt get its fure then it cannot run. If we dont get out fuel, we cannot live. Sorry to say, but it is actually that simple. Food = alive, no food = well, dead eventually.
Boost is a meal supplement i.e something to be had WITH your meals and/or snacks. Its not a replacement. It isnt even designed to replace meals.
This may seem really harsh, and I dont intend to sound mean, but you have to push through the "I dont want to eat/deserve to eat" (which is the ED lying to you) and replace those thoughts with "if I WANT to live and if I DONT want to end up back in treatment I NEED to eat" or "this food is not bad for me, it is keeping me alive on a day-to-day basis. It will NOT make me fat, it WILL keep me alive" I used to repeat those things out loud, or write them down line after line when the ED was screaming lies at me. It helps, try it.
There are lots of things in life we have to do even though we may not feel like it at the time. Right now, for you, this is eating. Yes you need to eat. And eventually, you will enjoy to eat. But you NEED TO EAT
hey rebeka!
flirting with your ED hey.. he's such a *****. why would u want to go back to him if he treats you so horrible! maybe you love him?... arent we screwed or what?!
I was on ensure before heading to IP treatment too, the one and olny time ive been there (thankgod).. and it was unrealistic to me.. i couldnt believe i was actually NOT ABLE to eat. everything seemed so repulsive and disgusting... i even got to think if i ate something id choke and die. wth right?.. oor right?
it becomes such a living nightmare.. I just want to let you know you are not alone.. all i know and im sure is.. after the first week in treatment.. i figured eating wasnt that hard.. of course i had therapist, nutriologist with me 24/7... i've been thaught on what to do., im sure u have too.. u have the tools, u just need to use them hon.
Keep trying.. trying new things might help, ignore the ED voices, they might be really loud right now from what i hear.. but u gotta ignore it.. tell them to **** off..you are better than that rebekka!
Simone is right too dear...food is what you need.
I force myself to eat past my point of satisfied sometimes because I know my body needs the energy right now.
Do you have someone to cook for you?
Italian food is great! I love pasta especially, and the great thing is there are so many different ways to prepare it. Right now is the time to experiment with foods...let your taste buds re-learn what they like and don't like...NOT what ED likes and doesn't like.
Boost is a great snack, for it is meant to give you a BOOST. But your body is a full running machine, and boosts aren't going to get you very far. You need the raw material. You need food.
I know it's hard to get past this. Some days will be a lot tougher and some days a walk in the park. But everyday we must fight. We must fight for what we know is right.
A feeling is just a feeling till you let it get the best of who you are....Don't let this get you.