I've had two full weeks with my students. I've been working like CRAZY, staying LATE, taking work home, going up on the weekend... I'm tired from all of that... Exhausted. But it feels so GOOD to be full of energy and actually INTERESTED in things again... :) On the other hand... My surgery is approaching... It's less than two weeks away, and I am TOTALLY freaking out! :0/ I feel a lot of extra pressure to make sure everything is done and in good shape at work before then, but I also have been finding myself working on things that don't really NEED to be done... For example, on Friday after school, while all the teachers were rushing to get out of there and begin their three-day weekends, I was creating new nametags for students' desks, laminating, cutting out, and attaching them... While yawning and feeling like my back was litterally bent with exhaustion. But the tags are CUTE! ♥ And they made me happy... Did they?? :0/ Or am I avoiding thinking about my surgery??...
I think I know the answer... I have missed you all soooo much... I have stopped in a number of times just to kind of check on things and read some e-mails, but I've been pretty absent for the last three weeks... And while I spent much of last school year escaping my misery at work by coming on-line, I find myself absorbing myself in my renewed passion for my work in an effort to avoid thinking about or feeling the fear that is with me. This is not good.
That ever ellusive BALANCE... That is the stuff that a good, strong, healthy, happy life is made of... ♥ I push myself further away from it when I over-involve myself in ANYTHING to the exclusion of others... I miss you all! ♥ And I NEED to write... :) Soon... I will try to add some ME time back into my life, and continue to push through the next few weeks...
Hey, Jen: I feel the same way; I have been overwhelmed at work for about a month now, and have not been able to come to this site for my dose of support and great friends. I miss everyone too! I would love to write about some progress I am making on the ED front. (finally) but just haven't had time.
I can't remember what your surgery is for, but know that I am always praying for you and I know all will go well
And I am so happy your job is fun and meaningful for you again. Isn't it wonderful to be able to be free enough from ED to start enjoying life again?
Hi Jen...It does sound as if your anxiety about your upcoming surgery is causing you to 'run' in some ways, but I don't hear you saying that you are running to the ED...that is great! And, you realize what is happening, and perhaps why, so try not to be too hard on yourself.
You have been missed, but knowing that you are enjoying your job in a greater way is wonderful!
I hope you will engage others in your life (daily life) and seek the support and friendship of others. I hear loneliness in your words :(
Wishing you a great day....HUGS...Jan ♥
hey friend! ive missed you and hoped you are ok! i know your scared and worried and i know you are--but once the surgery is overwith, youll feel great! ive had lots of turmoil this last week---lots-- so i know how you want to --be more to yourself as i have today...