Today I started out feeling really good. I spoke to my 4 year old daughter and she just kept talking about my wife who is in GA living like with no money no hot water in an affair and no one that really cares about her. But she is lo tangled in her mental disorder that she dosent care about anyone , or atleast doesnt show it. Anyway she has not been calling the kids and I am not going to continue to have them call her daily just because she is to ashamed. This has been going on for 6 weeks. I have to let her experiance the pain and conciquences of her actions. It is so hard not to call for my daughter but tough love is a must. Her phone is about to shut off and her car has a code box that will shut it off on the 31st. Time for her to get real. I am done being her support. this mess is on her hands now Ive done all I can. Her turn. Time to put on her big girl pants and face the music.
i would start making her be a parent its not fair to the children. they dont understand. i would take her to court and get a legal document going. if the kids dont see her or talk to her then she is getting to do whatever she wants and not be responsible. she needs to answer to her behaviors and do the right thing or get consequences from the law.
I have had the kids call her everyday she dosent call, I am trying to force her to be a parent by not calling she has to do her part. I have begged and pleaded with her to be a parent. I have gotten legal custody already. She is 12 hours away high and out of her mind using drugs and extreamly bipolar adn has been off her meds for almost 3 months. I am still going to have the kids talk to her once a week for their sake. I dont want to take their relationship away. I know she will come back and get help eventually and I want her to be a mom. I just hope it is before she does damage to the kids that cant be fixed.
if she is on drugs then i wouldnt mess with her. i wouldnt want the kids around that. it sounds like you are doing the best you can. i am sorry you all are having to go through this. it bothers me because its not fair to you or your children and i wish there was more we could do in this world to make people responsible for their actions. i have bipolar as well and sometimes it really irritates me because sometimes people think that all people do the same thing when they have this illness. when my doctor told me i have bipolar the first thing he brought up was the fact that people with bipolar tend to cheat and i told him that it was not going to happen with me because i have been happily married for 7 years. its up to the person as an individual to make that decision. i have standards and values. sorry i get really upset about stuff like this. i guess because i have seen alot of friends and family members go through some of the same things i know that it takes alot for one parent to work, put food on the table, try to make sure there is a sitter for the kids and tend to them, so i have alot of sympathy for you. i hope things get better for you and your children.
bc, do your best to leave kids out of the adults situation & just tell them that moms ok & will call when she can & try to endure them talking about her as much as they want to you, am sure your babygirl is scared so she needs you more then ever now to make her feel safe, provided for, loved & know her dad hears her, lean on us for this is going to be a longer ride then any could imagine & I wont even begin with abandonment issues later on in life for your babygirl as thats a whole other can of worms.
April (mom of 2 boys 19 & 27)
thank you april it is hard to do but I make sure not to say anything negative about her to the kids. I do not want to make it harder later if she does or does not straighten up.
I am not sure what her mental disorder is but I went through clinical depression for one year and it was a very hard ride. However if she cheated it gave her no reason for those actions.
My husband tried the yelling and screaming and threats and it just made it worse. My guess she needs the kids and the kids need her. However you have every right to monitor those phone calls. If she is willing to get help for herself and the marriage you may want to take her up on it. It may be hard at first but you may all find yourself stronger and closer in the end. It takes all of you getting on the same page.
She Is bipolar with borderline personality disorder off meds for 3 months. You are right it is no excuse. I belive you are right we can be strongr in the end if we both are rready to do what it takes. My main concern is for the kids to have a mom married or not.
You are a good man :) Your kids do need their mom. She needs to get back on the meds. If she doesn't like the ones she is on she should try another. Heck just going off my depression med could make you go crazy. (I forgot to reorder and had a few really bad days). Yes think you really need to say hay I am moving on, if you change your mind and want to jump on board you will have conditions that need to be met. This why you are doing what you need to do for youself but she knows you haven't given up on her.
However in she waits too long and you meet someone else she will have to deal with that.
Good luck, heart break is hard, even harder when you still love that person :)