I just lost my husband of 31 years 2 weeks ago and the pain is unbearable. How does anyone cope with this emptiness? My heart feels as though it was ripped out of my chest and only half of it was put back in. I have so many calls to make, papers to fill out, cleaning, laundry, sleep to catch up on, and even eating and drinking to try to do and I can't manage to do much of anything. He was sick for just 4 weeks, but it feels as though it's been much longer. I'm going to try to go back to work on Monday, as I now am now facing a major financial burden with my husband gone. Please HELP ME........
bless your heart. i am so sorry to hear that about your husband. i can only imagine the pain you are going through. i will keep you in my prayers. again i am sorry for your loss.
thanks for your kind words, ashley…
Dearest friend, I extend to you my deepest condolences. I will keep you in my prayers. Please know, we are here for you. I understand the journey you are beginning , I lost my husband 8 weeks ago . We were married for 19 years . Yes the necessary work surrounding this new chapter is very difficult, even more so while "being without " your mate, but you CAN make it...Believe me, you need time to feel and heal. If you need to reach out I'm here...one day at a time
Anything that I look at, that even remotely reminds me of my husband, makes me cry. My parents are in their 80's and are having a very difficult time understanding my grief. It is so frustrating. They call me constantly to see how I'm doing, but when I tell them, they tell me I'm depressing to speak to. At that point, I just tell them that I'll talk to them the next day. This adds so much to my grief. I know they are grieving in their own way, and I have asked them to try to understand MY feelings, but it doesn't seem to work. So, here I sit, 4 weeks and 1 day after losing my beloved husband, crying my eyes out, with nobody to reach out to. I really don't think I can make it alone, without him after 31 years.....
(BIG HUGS) to you.
I can't even imagine what you are going through.
However, through one particularly difficualt crisis in my own life, when I just wanted to sleep forever and never wake up, because sleeping was the only time I could forget, . . . . .
I finally realisized that it was ok to not shower, to not cook (noodles do keep you alive), and to just chill and take stock.
Your entire life as you know it has gone. And you are not going to be able to just snap out of it.
People have no idea how to deal with grief, and you will notice more friends will start not calling cause they just don't know how to deal with your grief. This is not because they don't care, it's just that as humans know one teaches us how to deal with grief.
Most people think after a certain amount of time you will get 'closure' and resume life (far out) what's this thing (****) 'Closure'. There's no such thing as 'closure' as far as I'm concerned.
Even time doesn't heal, (sorry) True over time the pain wont be so bad, but there will always be a part of your heart that will never heal, and considering the amount of time you've been together that part of your heart would be quite big. But one day, you will start to remember the good memories more, and the sad and painful times that is now a lot less.
So taking all that into consideration, you may not be able to fix your broken heart, but with time, lots and lots of time, the pain wont be as bad, and you will learn to accept that your life has some form of meaning without your partner, and there will be a time, in the future - maybe years from now, that your pain, and experience will be able to help someone else going through this unbelievable grief, and loss.
I hate people that also say 'there's a reason for everything', however, your grief will not be in vain. You will be amazed by how much pain your body can handle that you never thought possible. A broken heart is the worst living pain imaginable I believe. I'd rather have two broken legs any day, than a broken heart.
If you can go to work, do give it a go, as it might help. But don't feel you have to for financial reasons if you can't emotionally handle it. I'd rather lose my home by not working until I'm ready than my mind by pushing too hard anyday.
That's exactly what I did, I couldn't work through grief, lost my job and by the time I sold my home had just enough money left to buy myself a motorhome, now I travel around australia in my little camper, working casual jobs, meeting amazing people, and learning to rebuild my life, one step at a time. My journey hasn't been easy, however, day by day, I'm getting better.
I'm getting over a prescription drug addiction that is directly the result of trying to go back to work to soon after grief and by trying to keep a stiff upper lip, so I could keep everyone happy. While all the while I was dying inside.
So you chill, relax, and take stock. There's no time limit with grief. A great book I once read was called Don't kiss them goodbye written by Allison Dubois. It's worth the read.
Love and hugs
gottasmile
Sorry I can't give you real hugs, I so wish I knew you so I could come around and just sit with you, but that's the internet for you, and we're probably not even in the same country. But in my mind, I'll be sitting byside you on your couch giving you strength.
all the best.
My pleasure empty.
If you get a chance to get hold of a copy of the book I mentioned it's well worth the read.
All the best, and if you want to chat, don't hesitate in messaging me.
gottasmile
Wow very moving post ... All of you ... You can relate that to many things .. Thanks x
We are in the same boat. I lost my husband 4/1/11. He died and I went to hell.
My sincerest heart-felt sympathy to you as I can say I know exactly how you feel. I am still reeling. My husband had prostate cancer and it was a horrendous year for us. He was hospitalized six times as the chemo sucked the life out of him and he kept getting infections. To see a vital big man reduced to weakness was more than I could stand.
I am bouncing around a big house all alone and the silence is deafening. For the first two weeks, I was in the paralysis mode. I couldnt do anything.
Since I have gone food shopping, crying in the store, passing all of his favorite foods and watching the couples shop. I had to get out of the store before the tears turned to sobs.
We are at the same place and the journey is one we must take alone.
I have prayed for strength as that will be the only thing that will get us through this.
I joined a grief support group - that will help.
Stay strong .
Hugs,
Sandi
I lost my husband in Sept. seven months ago. we are now getting ready for his unvailing. Jest when you think you can handle it. It brings it all back. The flashbacks of his illness, the pain he was it(the pain we were both in). Did we say everything? What do I do now? All though I have children and grandchildren, he was my life! Now what. Fredda
I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh, Dear Ladies, my heart goes out to all of you!
You have my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry you lost your husband.
Wish i could just bring over your favorite dinner and dessert, too! I'd take all the calories out of the desserts, how's that? : )
My husband has stage IV, and incurable cancer. His symptoms are worse. I'll be following in your footsteps, who knows when.
I'd say go ahead and cry. Be kind to yourself.
I'm sorry people don't know what to say or do.
We each grieve in our own way.
I'm praying for you and sending sunshine your way.
God bless you and grant you peace.
May He give you strength and may you feel His presence.
Lots of hugs!
I just want to thank you all for the posts. I am about to take this painful journey. My husband has liver cancer. 4 to 12 weeks to live. I am crying now. My best friend is leaving me. How will I survive? I will be by myself, coming home to an empty house. Your posts are answering some of the questions I have for the walk that I will be taking soon. Your post about being in the grocery store, seeing couples. How do I return to work and not break down. When I try to express this to friends and family, they cannot comprehend what I am saying.
Thank you all.
Oh, Sweetie. You will survive. We're here for you 24/7, ok?
work can be a great distraction. Plus, it wears us out so we can sleep.
You're stronger that you know. Maybe a co-worker will become a great souce of comfort.
Please post when you need us. Ask us anything, ok? Someone will have a helpful hint or a caring word.
It's just me, but after a few months on my one, I'd get a lap cat or maybe a small dog - pets can be an amazing comfort.
Hope you're eating something - nutrition = enegry. Please be kind to yourself. Maybe a relaxing bubble bath?
Extra hugs.
Hello everyone. I became a widow one week ago today. I have a 12 year old son who was suffering from debilitating depression BEFORE his doting and compassionate stepfather died suddenly of leukemia. We thought my husband was having a hard time recovering from a bout of multi-drug resistant pneumonia. We went to five different doctors, trying to figure out why he felt so down and sickly. He had a "blast crisis" that resulted in a massive cardiac event and was dead in less than 24 hours. He;d had many blood tests and screening. NOTHING on them to cause concern. He was 47. Now I am lost in grief. I am currently reading an excellent book called Widow to Widow and plan to read Joanne Didionne's Year of Magickal Thinking. But I tell you, as helpful as the maps are, the maps are not the terrain.
Thanks for the post, gottasmile.
Tomorrow, I go to the chapel and talk to the event coordinator. To the bank with the death certificate. Make the appointment with his office benefits coordinator. And try to walk my son through the valley of the shadow of terrible loss. This is a hard road. Hope to be good company to you all.
Becalope.
I am so sorry for your loss , i lost my husband also May 14, 2011 i feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest we were married 45 years . I miss him so much my heart aches.
Dear Ladies,
You both have my deepest sympathy. I'm so sorry you are going through all this. We are stronger than we know.
May others step up to help and comfort you.
My heart goes out to you.
I can feel your pain. I too lost my husband just 10 days ago to Prostate Cancer that had spread to his bones. The whole world just seems to stand still and it's like walking through fog where you can't see in front of you. I hope that it get's easier. this is unbearable
Sorry Manuela to hear of your loss. My husband of 32 years died 3 months ago. I don't think we were ever apart more than 2 days of our marriage. I remember the first two weeks just feeling so numb. Hopefully you have some close friends and family around. That is what helped me and now my youngest daughter is home from the Navy and spending time with me. That helps with the lonliness. Do take one day at a time, the pain for me started on the outside, then inside and now I am just missing him so very much. Keeping yourself semi busy helps as long as it is things you enjoy doing. Take care of yourself. This whole grieving thing is so very painful. Nothing in life could ever prepare you for it. I feel your pain and hope to keep talking with you. If you need to talk with me send a message. Thinking of you
Hugs to Empty and to all of you. At the two week point I was still a zombie. I can relate to all of the posts here, crying at the grocery store, feeling like my heart had been ripped out, not being able to eat, and wanting to sleep all the time just to stop the pain. I lost 25 pounds and my hair was falling out. I just wanted to die in my sleep to I wouldn't have to face another day without him. It's so difficult watching everyone else's life go on as normal while you feel frozen in time. It's been two years, and I am still not myself. I guess I never will be because after 38 years with a loving spouse you become one entity, so it's like half of you is missing. All I can say is to avoid people who keep trying to talk you out of your grief. It will just make you angry and keep you from moving forward. You need to take this at your own pace. I found a safe place to vent at a support group for sudden and unexpected loss. I also had to go back to work before I was ready. It's really hard. Maybe you can start back with a shorter work day for a while till you feel stronger. I am thinking of taking a month off and going on a long car trip with my dog. I just feel the need to leave everything behind for a while and clear my head.
Please know that you have many sisters here in your grief. Please continue to post and let us know how you're doing. We understand and we care. God bless you.