Because I can

Because I will.

I hate you, monster and today, you won't win. My mind will sync with my heart once more because you're why I'm in this rut. I've let myself hate me because you plagued my thoughts - whispering disgusting images.

No, monster. Not today. When I hear you, I will just turn around. Today, my heart will be louder than your words. Today, I will fight. I will fight like my aunt is fighting her cancer. I will fight like my King fought the demon during those 40 days of fasting.

"I'm numb."
Don't fool me because I can feel it in my heart that I care. Why else did I cry this morning after having talked to my mother? After reflecting, yet again, this thing I have been doing for two years, I heard my heart sing "YOU CAN."

Before I continue to spiral ... before I let your hook penetrate my soul, I let it out. Now, I'm not alone. Now, I have a brace and everyday, I will put on that brace.

I will be a better person because I have a light. We all do.

Sincerely,
tobestrong.

i've been dealing with it for so many years can't count
more than 25 years

I admire your strength to fight this, tobestrong. Like you, I find it helpful to separate myself from my disease. I call mine Ed, it makes it easier to tell him that no, I don't need him in my life. Call your eating disorder monster, Ed, Helga, whatever. The important thing is that you continue to separate yourself from it and find the strength to leave it behind.

Keep thinking positive,

Mallory