Been depressed

Been dealing with Depression for awhile and recently has came back and has gotten worse. Been feeling depressed again for about 2 months now and had urges to cut my wrist again and had thoughts of suicide off and on for the past month. I don't know why I'm getting them, not sure if I really want help, just wish they'd go away. I'll see how I do in a week or so and if it get so bad, than I'll get myself back into the mental health clinic. I just don't want medication since I already have a hard time keeping up with it. and without me even doing anything I miss doses and mess everything up. Not sure what to do. I feel bad about all this.. I'm so sad I want to cry for no reason. Wish this would go away.

colorfulgirl29
I would like to hear more of your thoughts...
Has something happened in the last two momths that is different? Your ego and self estem apear to be low, is it? Have you had a bad experience with medications or feel why that it has messed everything up...? Wishing that it will go away does not work...there is some kind of action you must take... on finding a new path, is what you need to do... Best Wishes!

Just trying to figure it out and I think I just pinpointed that my cat, Sassy who died on Jan. 13th is why all of a sudden I've hit rock bottom. just not sure why I felt depressed before that. I guess the thought, "I'm doing everything wrong." was a part of that. Glad we got this support group website. It's helping me figure this all out! Thank you for listening and all!

Oh colorfulgirl29 I'm sad to hear your cat passed away.
I love animals!

I got 2 cats right now, 1 really fat and laid back and cool.
The other is freaking evil, she will claw your eyes out if you do anything wrong.

Oh and she hates the big cat, so if you say, accidently step on her tail she will go right over to the big black cat and swat him hard in the face!

Of course neither one of our cats have claws but man get those two together and it's on!

Hey I am not sure about others, but I don't mind helping out other peeps. and this is a great place to vent a bit lol.

Hi colourfulgirl129. First you have to get to the doctors for some sort of medication. Then you will be able to focus on what it is making you so sad. Your brain chemistry changes when you are depressed, that is why the medication is so important, it is the first step to feeling normal. Keep a diary everyday and write down how you are feeling. I used to have one and vented a lot in it. It made me feel so much better. I wrote down things that I did not even know bothered me.I found that I was quite angry with just about everything.
Hang in there.

jenny

Thanks! It's just great to have a place where I can vent and have others to talk to. I'm so happy I found this website. Forgot how I found it, but glad I'm here :) Hopefully i can help someone else out, too :) Thanks!

jenny, Thanks! I already have a journal that I do online (easier than writing it by hand) and been writing in that for the past month or so. It seems to help. As far as the medication that's something my husband and I have to discuss. I actually don't want to get back on it since I already had a hard time keeping up with it before and I'd mess up the whole prescription by mistake.. But I won't rule out the medication entirely. Thanks for your suggestions! :)

The loss of a pet is very much like lossing a family member, and that can trigger it. Sorry for you loss! Never blame yourself that your doing everything wrong...that happens with us all... in our travels of life. Best Wishes!

Thanks! I almost always feel like I'm failing in everything. I'm so much of a perfectionist it's hard. I just want to be perfect and not mess up! And I try so hard not to upset anyone or make mistakes... A lot of times, I feel like I do it all the time.

From your picture you didn't fail at brushing your hair, or even smiling! Thats awesome!

I bet you didn't even fail at typing words on your computer to find this place to type even more!

You didn't fail at spending time talking with me.

You didn't fail at laughing at my silly cat!

I could probably go on a bit more but the point is where you even trying to be a perfectionist when you did any of those things? Life really isn't about being perfect, it's simple really. just be you flaws and all! the people who truly love and care for you will accept all of you. I bet your kids won't care if you accidentely put too much peanut butter on there sandwich one day, They will still love you!

Nobody ever wants to mess up. so the real question is how to act when you do mess up? The best thing is to accept we are all humans and will eventually mess up it's how we recover from our mistakes that make us better people not by worrying about messing up.

just my ramblings though lol.

*HUGS* Thanks, Ashen! It's good to hear what I'm not failing at... Helps me to know that I do some things right and not EVERYTHING wrong... Had to caps that because that's how I feel sometimes is everything wrong.. My husband gets on me when I drop something on the floor and I get so mad at myself over it. He looks at me and says, "Laugh! It's okay!" and the phrase, "Don't cry over spilt milk." comes so often. Someone told me, "It is what it is.." Working on this... just hard...

The dropping things on the floor is big in our house, we went through 4 coffee carefe's in a week before we had to get the single serve one.

My wife never knows exactly her hand strength, and my right wrist has carpol tunnel so we drop things all the time, it's like a game for us.

Hey Hun, I dropped 2 plates and a T.V. remote today thats 3 points!

She's like oh yeah today at work I dropped a whole stack of papers I got like 15 in one drop!

So I go, hey all that counts as 1, but shes the woman so she won lol.

As long as no one gets hurt it is O.K. Hmm maybe I need to invent an redo button for real life lol.

:) Thanks! I guess keeping points help keeps the humor in it all. Never really thought of that but "Hey! I like it!" lol :)

colorfulgirl29
#8

So you want to be... very "much of a perfectionist" it's hard for me to... but isn't that a limited number of things we all do as humans! Each person is unique that's part of our natural programming ... to give and care in the field where we can... perfection is the logic and reason. Other then that we ourselves are very much of our system is on auto-pilot...on a journey of learning to be the perfectionist you want to be. You bring color to the lives that suround you...colorfulgirl, a beautiful name in perfectionism.
Best Wishes!

Thanks :)