Just wondering if there is anyone else out there who is terrified of being alone?
hi, yes i am, i have never been alone and now i am going thru a seperation/divorce and i cant take it , i have no friends, no social life, i dont even know how to go about it, i dont even know where to go to meet people who i can talk to , you have any advice
I used to be very afraid of being alone. Whenever I've lived alone I would become depressed. To an extent, it's still a scary thing for me. But it's something that takes some getting used to. When I'm by myself now, I try to think of it as time to create a safe space for myself that no one can affect but me. A place where I never have to please anyone or care what anyone thinks, because it's just me :)
It might help to find some exercises you can do to help you explore who you are as a person and strengthen your love for yourself. It sounds silly, but it makes alone time much more fun. I mention this because I used to base my self-worth on what others thought of me and how many friends I had. I felt that whenever I wasn't around people, I wasn't worth the time to be with people, and that was scary.
Hope this helps!
i dont think its being alone that is the problem its how u fill the time and what u do during those periods.
like leibatt says its all about finding self worth and defining your self as a single person with out validation from others.
bigjohn im sure u have a local church or charity store that u can visit and help out, or see if work have any courses u can go on, at least then u will be doing something for yourself along the way
personally i fill my alone hours with definite plans, for example today im alone so its the computer then off to the gym then the coffee bar where i know i will share a table with a stranger and we will exchange surface conversation then i have a date with a book ....... i know none of it is exciting but the day moves quicker
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Hi. Thanks for the response. I know that because this just happened to me and my world torn apart it's going to take time to heal. I just find it hard to do things whenever they remind me of doing them with my family. I can't stop thinking like this. I don't even want to go to walmart because I'd take my son there to buy games. Here I am 44 years old acting like a child. But it hurts too much
big john
im sorry that u are hurting and its hard to visit the places that bring so many bitter sweet memories any type of loss is a form of grief and u are obviously in the early stages of it, so please get yourself checked by a doc or speak to someone as im sure u are not taking care of yourself as u should be.
as for behaving like a child dont let that stop u reaching out for help in this time of need
let us know more about your problems or direct me to your blog, post etc
hope to hear from u soon
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Hi yes you are right I am not taking care of myself. I havnt eaten in 6 days. I lost 13 lbs in 6 days. I feel no self worth I know I have to be strong for my son but the thinking and memories are taking it's toll on me. I pray 10 times a day for help to bring my family back together. I guess I am expecting miracles. I feel too old and have nothing to offer to start over because everything has been taken from me
Sorry I don't have a blog. Don't know how to do that
thats fine bigjohn prehaps u would like to share here just what is the problem or mayb send me a msg.
u are not too old to start over u just dont have the tools anymore to cope with the changes that are happening.
i guess u have left the wife or got divorced? was it amicable or just plain nasty?
but my friend first things first u are not going to do anyone any good if u dont sort out u :)
it is hard to function as a human when u feel bad and are reeling from shock, most of us can aford to loose a few pounds without detriment but to prolong it is never good.
do u feel its time to speak about the problem or is it still too early or are u afriad that the post will come out like a childs whinge cos dont worry about that we all need to refer to our inner child and sometimes its good to let them out
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband and I split up for about three months last year and It was the hardest time of my life. I too didn't eat I couldn't sleep. everyday I woke up felt like I was on the outside looking in. I was so numb. I had to force myself through the everyday tasks and try to get used to the feeling that the universe felt extremely off. It was like living a nightmare. Luckily we got back together but even then there was such a void it was really hard to live normally again. I don't have many friends and a social life, I have none. I have my three kids and they kept me going. That was all. I had to wake up and breath every morning for them and put that fake smile on my face and tell them things I didn't know such as, everything will be alright. All I can say is your son is worth the fight if nothing else is. Also never give up hope I didn't think that my husband and I would work out our problems and get back together it seriously seemed impossible but here we are a year later and things are actually better between us then they were before the separation. If you need a friend to talk to I am here. I have been where you are and sometimes that helps a ton. I truly hope that with each day this gets easier for you.
Hi had my court today. They sided with her. I have a protection order against me can't even talk to her at all. They won't even let me see my son until divorce which is in November. I feel dead now
big john
i know this has hurt u hon but come on now is the time to get your act together and sort out those problems, u might not be able to see him but u can still send things cant u? or keep a book about the changes so he can read it when he is older,
its time to get into gear and do the best u can and i know its hard but u have something to strive for now so let the misery and anger be used in a positive way so your child is the winner
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
I know I need to be strong for him. He is my world. I can't believe she is using him as a tool in this. She needs a wake up call that all this is hurting him thanks for your support. I like hearing from you
big john
whilst she is waiting for her wake up call u can do a thousand things to pass the time. i agree its always the kids who loose in any type of situation caused by so called adults but stay strong and take it one day at a time, its never about quantity its QUALITY that counts.
i like to hear from u as well (i read your post on divorce)
loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)
Hi D. Thanks for always responding I wish I knew a thousand things to do. Everything reminds me of them and all the memories. Like now Halloween is coming up. My son wanted all of us to go as characters like Mario. I got him his costume the other day as Mario. Wife was to be princess peach and me bowser. Now I can't do this with him. Cause I can't see him. We always do the holidays now it's going to be hard
Hi Bigjohn,
I found this page cause I too went and on certain days am alone. I don't like it either. I know it is easier said then done, but try to get a new hobby. Someone once told me that, and I was like, "I Can't". But really you have too. Writing helps and reading God's word does too. I know your post before in the other thread, you said you did and thats great. Cause in our weakness His strentgh is seen. I struggle in areas of my life and I found that I decided to take up cycling. There are days I don't feel like it cause I plainly miss my kids. Or when they are with there mom, Man I used to accomany them always, it hurts to know thats not the case any more and I have no other choice but to live with her choices. Its not like I wanted out but thats her choice not mine. Its going to be tough, but try to think positive. I'll be here if you need to chat.
i no how it feels being alone, and being the caged animal whome everyone laughs at. im scared to death of it. i feel that if im not noticed, then no one will know ieven exist. and that ill be alone in the darkness to live forever. i dont want that nor do i ever want to even think about it. i have a boyfriend, my family and few few friends, buti still like catching peoples attention. even tho im not leaving my boyffriend, i still flirt with other people, not becuase i want to cheat with them, but because they directed all their attention to me and i like it, now i dont stop them if they go off to another girl and flirt, but i like the attention. i dont like to think im being named as one of those girls who are attention whores bt i kinda am. just because it doesnt make me feel so alone.
I am very much afraid of being alone. I live with 7 people in my household, and the thought of even sleeping in a room alone makes me want to cry myself to sleep. When everyone is gone, I turn the radio up just to feel like someone is there with me. My poor cat has been forced to sleep with me every night since my boyfriend moved out. There just has to be someone there, or I go crazy.
i for the most part seem to be ok when i am around people, but as soon as i wake up or i am alone i start going nuts i wish i had a double of myself to be with me every minute
Being a Codependent Love Addict, there is nothing I fear more than being alone. But getting help for my codependent issues are helping me realize that I only need to love myself and that I don't need some man to make me feel complete. It's hard but nobody said it was going to be easy.