Being emotionally cheated, I just want support to help me get over this

I(27F) have been married for about a year plus now. My husband(27M) went on a work trip last week. I was so happy that he came back safely late on a Friday night. When he came back, I asked him about his trip. He met new people, complimented how pretty the girls there. He went on and on about how amazing the place was. He planned to make a trip back there again.

He met a new female co-worker there, went on and on how pitiful their life is. When he was showing me the photos he took. He mentioned that female co-worker name at least 10 times. To me, seems like he was out and about with this female co-worker to the club and lunch most of the time. It doesn’t bother me at first.

Saturday came, we went on and meet our friends for squash and lunch.
After we went home, we unpacked his luggages. He was on his phone texting back and forth. It was unusual of him, because he is not a good texter. He was grinning, giggling while texting, and hid in the kitchen to text.

He bathed our cat, then he took a video of him bathing the cat. I asked him, why did you filmed the cat bathing. It was really unusual then he responded, “Oh, I’m showing the female co-worker our cat”

My gut instinct kicks in, I decided to check his phone when he was asleep. I read their texts, and found out that this female co-worker was flirting with him. My husband leave out some details about what had happened the night they went out clubbing.

The female co-worker told my husband that he looked like her ex-bf, they broke up because ex-bf doesn’t like her. The female co-worker was rubbing her elbows and her arms on my husband to the point that his other male co-worker was uncomfortable and left the club. The male co-worker texted my husband, I felt like I am third wheeling you guys can go ahead enjoy the night. My husband responded, My conscience is on the line I won’t go too far haha.

The female co-worker sent a video of her cat to my husband, to which my husband replied it with “Should’ve went up to your place to see the cat” The female co-worker responded, I offered you the last time but we didn’t have time.

I cried the whole night quietly and secretly for 2 days straight. I feel not anger but I feel so betrayed and upset.

I decided to talk to my sister about this, instead of me. I used other people as the reference, I do not want to taint his image to my family.

Anyways, I decided to talk to my husband about this. I used his computer device to check the message between him and the female co-worker. Apparently, he deleted some of the messages.

I told him to tell me what happened during the work trip again this time don’t leave out any details. He went on and on.

I asked him why he left the details out, and never even apologise to how he made me feel.
He said, i apologised yesterday.

I responded to him, What exactly were you sorry about?

1 Heart

And what did he say next?

1 Heart

He kept quiet then he said, He deleted some of the messages because it was inappropriate and I might get the wrong idea. The reason why he asked the female co-worker out the next day for lunch, to clear the air out between him, her and the other male co-worker.

1 Heart

Interesting. But it’s possible that he’s hitting on her, looks far out suspicious. Look out for any warning signs - it’s always plausible whether he’s just proving himself to be loyal or not.

2 Hearts

Yeah, he even invited her to our holiday trip next year and to his home country where my in-laws at. The female co-worker said, i am afraid I will be jealous of your wife.

He never told me about it.

1 Heart

Yeah, that’s kind of an issue. If you notice him acting strangely or hiding something from you, always listen to your gut instincts. Good luck.

3 Hearts

Be careful he is emotionally connecting with that co-worker. He needs to stop texting her all the time or you will have to think about your relationship and the next step. If he doesn’t stop texting and start connecting with you idk what will happen. Im sorry what is going on.

Dont wait until it gets bad you will be entitled to half of everything if you guys ever divorce or even more you might be able to take everything home etc. Plus you will get support if he is the bread winner. I know you dont wanna think about this but if time down the road you may need to think what your entitled to. Just thoughts.

1 Heart

Hi @GirlfromSarawak

This sounds like a very frustrating, stressful, and upsetting situation. We are sorry that this happened. It sounds like your husband is not setting appropriate boundaries with his co-worker, and is making you feel like your feelings are disregarded. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with him to express the way you are feeling. From there, if he makes changes to his behavior to make you feel more comfortable, that will show you that he cares about the way you feel. It is completely normal to feel the way that you are feeling in this situation. Keep your head up–we are here for you. Love, SG