Being Home

Being home has proved to be too much. I have to have another endoscopy done because I am still spitting up blood. I "slipped" three times yesterday and if weren't for my nephew I would have slipped more today.

I have a meal plan and I am trying so hard to follow it. This is really getting to me. I am cranky and my throat hurts. My head hurts, all I want to do is sleep. I just got home, I start work next week and I am afraid my restriction will get worse as I go back to work, but I HAVE to go back.

Why does this have to be so hard. Why is it stealing so much of my life. I know the tools, and I try to use the tools but so much of them slip my mind in the moment. I can't take much more of this. I am almost ready to call it quits and just let this thing take my life....I am that desperate.


I'm worried about you, sweetie... I hope that you will reach out to some professionals. You don't have to do this alone. And recovery IS possible. I'm experiencing it. ♥ Thinking of you!!

Love to you,


Ashley: Keeping you in my prayers honey. Please reach out as Jen says there are many people who love you and want to help!

You truly are facing probably the hardest work you will do in your life, but please please don't give up! The work you do now, to recover, is the key to LIVING...and honey, you have everything to live for! It does take time, and for many people, it takes multiple treatments to truly peel the onion, so to speak, and get to the core of things. You need time to establish your healthy eating pattern, and allow it to become second nature for you....please don't give up! If you need more treatment of some type, please get it...a PHP program may be just what you need :)
Please hang on, and keep deserve to fight for your life! Take care...Jan ♥