Being Single Sometimes Sucks

Relationships Romantic Relationships
1

I hate admitting it...I'd love to be the Independent Lady type...but sometimes being single really sux. Just after getting through another session of on-line chatting to a guy for past few days...although his comments were somewhat sleezy he did tell me he was going through a tough time as of late so I gave him the benefit of the doubt, although told him to call a halt to those comments and that any relationship could not be built on sex...and although sex is great...it is not the foundation.

(Sometimes I think the world has gone sex mad...but I think his ex damaged his esteem with regard to that whole topic...so I didn't mind a few comments not too many though)

He even forced me to talk about my ex, even though I didn't want to which I thought was pretty cool, and a bit of a stepping point for me, I'm not good with talking about feelings with men. And we were texting today...but I hopped on line there more out of curiosity to see would he be on and yes, of course he was...ah I just deleted everything, and blocked him from my account. I just think if you like someone give them a shot or don't...I'm waaay too protective of myself right now to mess around...and if he's talking to someone else with the sleezy comments he was making to me than goodluck to him.

I don't even care really. I think I just get lonely at times and when I talk to someone like that it makes my faith in men drop lower. And in case you're wondering he used the "i'm different" line...I think once you hear that line run, run for the hills:)

I know I'm dealing with my ED, but when I'm ready to get back in there it would be nice to think there are a few decent guys out there...I'm not looking for a saint...just not a liar, or a sleeze...that would be great:)

Ah well another day, another lesson learned. And I know not ALL guys are BAD guys...just some are really annoying.

So to all my single ladies out there...I say "to thine own self be true". Although it can be so hard not to build up that defensive wall try not to...who knows what can really be on the other side.

Love ye Girls
Moongal x

2

Thats it, keep it coming, all of us are listening & learning from this thing we have inside ourselves, that craving for another human beings touch & yet we really know its ok to just be with ourselves & not look to someone else to ease what is churning inside us & yet we find ourselves doing just that somedays......., is it self esteem, loneliness, or just human nature....... your a gladiator MG.

3

Hey thanks April,
Most of the time I do feel like a gladiator at war with herself.
Ya I do miss the touch of a decent human being who cares, or that exciting text, where you're all glowy and stupid looking...I feel abit empty at present...kind of like I can't get it up to get excited about anyone - not that I would have gotten particular excited about that guy anyway.

I find myself thinking "really" about most guys, than actually believing I'll ever wear those rose tinted glasses again.

I guess what I'm really thinking is...yes, I am lonely...I would love to find "the one"...but I guess I still haven't gotten through kissing the frogs yet. I hate being lonely for love...it's a really sad feeling.

Much Love to you
MG x

4

LOL, I agree 100% & am still trying to not kiss anymore frogs & I'm still learning about myself so I dont repeat that crap (am gagging a lil bit on that one, good lord at my age) & thanks for the laugh it really made MY day...... :D

Love ya & glad your here to teach the rest out there.

April

5

Wow Moongal, reading through your post and comment was really like looking in the mirror [so to speak/write]. I am feeling so much of what you are feeling right now in terms of men. It's really so tough out there, I just don't get what's going on. I feel like its gotten progressively worse with not being able to trust men and rely on their sincerity. I don't want to stereotype or come down on men as a whole, because I have pretty amazing male friends who really truly love and respect women. But, from my experience as of late, it's hard not to let that wall go right back up. Most especially this very last experience that I had. When you wrote about your online guy being very sexual, that's exactly how this last guy was and it was because of his ex. I heard all about it. Though, I couldn't decipher between his being sexual or perverse...there was a very gray area there. I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but his long silence (well, that week seemed like forever) was proof enough that he wasn't all that I thought he was. And, I would love to tell you to give the online guy another go, but what was he doing online again? It's tough to say. If this is an online dating site, then could he have been looking at your photos? I know that sounds so silly, but maybe that's the case. If you're feeling something's off, then it most likely is and I would move on and away from him. Sometimes we need several signs to really know that we should run and not walk from a situation.

I get how lonely it can be in singledom...oh yes, I know it all too well. And, being an entrepreneur all of my friends think that I'm Miss Independent and don't need a man, so I can only imagine what men think. Though that's not the case at all. I would love to be in a relationship and share my life with a man. We absolutely cannot let these bad guys ruin it for others. I know that the right one is oh so close for both of us, so please stay strong. We'll get through this and be laughing at these silly little moments when we're with our MEN.

Sending you lots of positive energy and keeping you in my prayers.

6

Hey,
Ya that guy text,he said he had logged on and fell asleep. It doesn't bother me, because I don't believe him and if you don't believe someone from the onset it's not the basis of a solid romantic relationship anyway. Yeah he saw photos of me...but that was before we swapped phone numbers.

However, he did admit that he has been terribly lonely as of late, not just for a girlfriend, just in life, so I said that he is more than welcome to text or call me, if he is lonely. I am willing to be friends with him, I hate to think of anyone lonely or sad, but he knows where I stand and I'm waaay to messed right now to get into anything ridiculous, or remotely questioning. I told him I'm on anti-depressants, it's weird he knows my deepest darkest secrets but I don't trust him to date him at all...he's just like a stranger to me really.

I'm sure that your friends don't think that you desire to be single,I'm certain mine don't, I'm always joking about how I have to find my groom yet, but I am absolutely deadly serious. And I honestly don't think that being an entrepreneur would intimidate a man, well the right man, I'm sure you don't thrust your business in your dates face.

I was reading one book and it did say, to be just pretty straight with guys, don't dance around with them ask what their intention are...ask do they want to get married, kids, etc. I think many women make the mistake of not asking these questions because we are afraid we will "scare" the man,I know I did, but anymore i will be asking what do they expect in a relationship...would it be too cheeky of me to respond...I expect you to be perfect in every way :)

I think good communication from the start makes a strong relationship, now you don't have to cut the guy to pieces but be clear about where you stand.

I am not picky, but I do find I pick the same guy again and again and again. Do you find you do this too?

My self esteem is shot these days, and because I'm dealing with an ED and serious anger issues I really am not ready for a relationship, but soon I hope, I start therapy Wednesday...boy the lucky guy who get me...eh???:) I figure I need to fix me, before I go out there into the dating world again.

And I have found from my ex I have this huge chip that is weighing me down it's like my head is saying "I am always ready for you, don't think you can break my heart, because I am ready to walk anyway"...and I am thinking this with every guy, it's really a bad attitude to have in a relationship...basically right now if my relationships were a hotel, I'd be hovering around the lobby.

God MEN eh, they can be so stupid, why do we love them so much...that's the age old question...

My new moto is..."love is simple, so keep it that way" I'm trying to believe it.

I really think you will find love soon and really pray you do, because you deserve it.

Much love to you
Moongal x

7

this is going to come from a total diffrent side ladies ...and from the start i can say that yes i'm single as well ,,,when you feel lonely which happens alot learn to accept that you on your own ,learn to like to be alone .
i found that it becames easy with time ,think of all the fun you can have being single you can go where you want to ,meet new ppl every day ,you don't having a nagging husband boyfriend or children around you ,you can go to bed when you want to ,you can hop onto a plane without having to worry about it ,u can travel the world be as free as you want to be ...

So being single is not that bad ask any married woman with children.

8

Hey,
While I do agree with some of your comments about how much easier it is, not to have to arrange your life around others. I can just skip out and do my exercise when I choose, etc And I do believe that you have to happy with yourself in order be part of something else.

There is a part of me that would give that all that up in a flash, if the right guy was to walk into my life...because my idea of the right person is someone who improved my life and increases my happiness.

I do enjoy being single in many ways and I have dated a few guys who have been like "you have to tell me where you are at every second" which I personally hated. And there are lots of perks and don't get me wrong I don't see coupled off people as being better people than us singletons.

But I am very excited about meeting the right person, who fits my world and I his. So thank you, Stella, I will enjoy the single life, because it ain't so bad.

Much love to you
Moongal x

9

I sometime think it ok to be single ....you see may couple breaking up , hurting each other and sometime there are children in the middle ..and seeing that sometime makes me very glad that I'm still single ,hell like you I would love to meet my soulmate get married and have as many babies with him that I can ,but if I think of all the pain my friend both male and female go through when things do not workout then am happy to be alone .

maybe I'm wrong to think that way ..but i just realized that finding the Mr.Right so far has always turned out to be Mr Wrong in the end ..

10

But Stella, that's what we need to work on, opening up those hearts...and being honest enough to say...hey yes I have my life and I am happy...but there is definitely room in my life for someone to give me the "feelings"....and look forward to the happiness not dread the sadness.

This is something that I have to work on too, I feel I have been kicked in the teeth so many times, I'm surprised I don't wear dentures, but one day I will place my heart back out there on my sleeve...can I guarantee it will work no...but a life lived without trying for love is not the life for me

In the words of Paolo Nutini
"It was in love I was created, and in love is how I hope I die"

I guess I really am a fool for love:)

So come on Stella make yourself happy, build yourself up, and make a little room for someone else, it's ok to say "hey...room here for one more":)

Much love to you
My very lovely single lady
MG x

11

Moongal, I think that you're being so smart with this guy, because you only need someone stable and solid who will provide a sense of support and not play games or have you questioning trust. And, I also understand the patterns of attracting the same type of man over and over and over again. I used to attract the same type of [WRONG] man, but then when I completely cut that type of man off and started to change my energy and where I would go out, then I started to attract a more serious man. I had to change my energy first and then the better men followed. Now, that's not to say/write that each guy has been the right man, but they've been far better than the men that I used to attract. There are still a few "frogs" that have made their way in, but at least they are better quality men overall...at least better quality for me in terms of where I am in my life now. And, I love your advice on being upfront with men. I am absolutely the worst at being upfront with my emotions and feelings, and even expressing where I am in life and what I want. One of my girlfriends lays it all out upfront, because her theory is that if it's the right man then he will stay and won't be scared off by it. I guess it's her way of weeding out the players.

Hi Stella101! I truly believe that it's important to find inner happiness and fulfillment no matter where you are in your life. So, I really have found happiness in my single life. I am blessed with a good family and friends, as well as my own business. Though, I also have goals of being married and having a family, so it's something that I strive towards and would like to have in my life. I am definitely at a point where I would really like to meet my right One and work towards starting a family.

12

Hey,
Ya, there are a few thing I have decided to change in my dating life
1. lay your cards on the table...if he doesn't like what's on them he can walk away and

(think about that one if you said, so where do see this relationship heading and he said "not far"...wouldn't you be better off knowing immediately than hoping it will work).

2. don't change yourself or plans or wait around for a man...

I've never been one for playing games or anything like that but many times I've started dating guys where they take the lead...they overtext, they say what they want from the relationship, and I just comply...it's like i just play along, well NO MORE!...this will take a lot of work it's like contradicting everything I thought I knew...but I do think the initial phases of a relationship so be as it should go on...open communication is the sound foundation of a lasting relationship.

It's going to take some work to change my attitude. But it will be worth it.

Ah the cycle of single-hood continues :)

Much love to you
Moongal x

13

Good one guys, please keep creating BOUNDARIES so it will teach people how we'd like to be treated. All of you keep talking it out...... =D

14

Thanks April,
I hope I'm not coming off that I want to tear men down...I don't want to do that at all...I more to provide an equal understanding of things and offer a voice instead of just "going along"...I mean going along hasn't worked so far...so lets try something new.

Loads of hugs and love
Moongal x

15

LOVE IT Moongal! I really really love your outlook and willingness to change your ways, because I am really right there with you. You've really inspired me to also look within myself and try to work on certain areas.

I was just talking to one of my close male friends a short while ago about laying ones cards out on the table and asked him how he felt about that. He said that he would love for a woman to do that, because then he would know where she stands in the realm of relationships. I think that it's a brilliant idea on your part and I am going to give it a go. Thank you so much for putting it out there. My friend also said that if laying out your cards scares a guy off then he's not the right one. And, for me, laying out my cards doesn't mean that I want to race to the alter, it simply means that's where I'd like to eventually end up and it'd be nice if he had the same goal.

Let's keep communicating about our adventures in single-land and I believe that we'll get to such a fabulously fantastic place oh so soon!

16

Exactly...I think your friend is right, it really clears the air and if the guy is stumbling and says something like "well I'm not looking for a relationship right now"...well that's an answer not a great one but honest...and men will be honest when it comes to that question.

We will absolutely keep each other updated, and although I am still dealing with other issues, I can still work on letting go of my past. I have to stop being scared and learn to trust again. I think another issue with me is that I actually seek ways for men to fail me it's my whole "I'm ready for you" attitude...but that's a self-fulfilling prophesy, if you think someone will fail you, eventually they will and I will have proved myself right...but how happy will that make me?

Not that I'm saying I turn a blind eye, on unacceptable behaviour...but I am more willing to accept natural flaws...boy I have my work cut out for me here:)

Keep me posted
Much love to you
Moongal x

17

Don't ever question/explain yourselves, you guys get it & please don't stop so some others can learn, keep doing what you guys are doing. PLEASEEEEE

18

I actually think that it's pretty fantastic that you are willing to overlook flaws in others, because I believe that to be a big downfall of relationships and why some people are single. Once they realize a flaw(s) then they run in the other direction, not realizing that we are all full of flaws and idiosyncrasies. No one is perfect. Though, it is important to figure out which flaws and idiosyncrasies you are willing to put up with for the long haul. As long as it's nothing detrimental to your health and well-being, then I believe it's ok to overlook flaws. I have really eliminated any type of lists of needs and wants in a partner. Well, I would like someone who is in the same place in life in terms of wanting to be in a relationship and head towards marriage eventually.

And, I think that if you take baby steps to start trusting again and turn your fear into a positive action/energy. Hopefully we learn and grow from our past experiences, so it's completely normal to put up walls to secure our hearts, emotions/feelings. Though, I believe that we should slowly let those walls down for the right person and that will be shown through with time. Don't force yourself to do anything that totally takes you out of your comfort zone, but just mini baby steps that will get you to the path of trust, which will lead to joy and fulfillment in a relationship. You will get there, I just know it!

19

Hey Puppy,
Ya I think the next relationship will be baby steps. You see my last relationship, it was just so troubled, at every junction he disappointed me...and I just shut up and took it...and then when I started speaking up...it was "oh I'm sorry" but no real heed did he take...so I find myself locked in a kind of box of expecting that disappointment.

I guess it's just a case of the past not dictating the future...like what if someone I'm seeing is a bit of scatterbrain and forgets to call when he should, that in me right now would cause an "OMG it's happening again, he doesn't care...run run run"...but it would be just because he is a different person.

You sound so positive...I'm so happy for you...true what they say..you can't keep a good woman down.

Keep up the positive attitude...true love always comes to positive energy.

Much love to you
Moongal x

20

Hi Moongal! Hope you're feeling fantastic today. In terms of your previous relationship and remaining quiet even when it was bothersome to you, my mom recently gave me a very valuable piece of advice that I think generally applies to most any relationship. She told me that when she dated and then married my father close to 40 years ago, she would always keep quiet and never tell him when she felt disappointed in their relationship. She kept quiet for so many years about everything. Then, she finally started to speak up years later and it was a shock to his system and almost detrimental to their relationship as a whole. So, she advised me to speak up from the onset if something's bothering me. As a matter of fact, one of my close male friends told me over the weekend that the biggest thing he's changed about himself is communication. He said that he used to keep everything to himself and never speak up when things would bother him and that would end up being the demise of his relationships. So, now he speaks up.

This was something that I really needed to hear, because I tend to keep things to myself and quiet on bothersome matters in a relationship. So, next go around I am speaking up and I really hope that you will do the same. Again, if that causes a man to run...then he's very much the wrong man. I think that there has to be a fine line between speaking up and nagging. We have to pick and choose our battles.