Ok, I'm going to write on something I've written on many times before....the catch 22 of binge eating. The one that I'm stuck in the centre of.
Right; wishing to binge eat, which causes me depression, which causes me to want to binge more and it just goes on and on and on. How do others cope with a binge? I've walked today so far? I'm journalling next but I've already binged on fruit, my typical binge foods would be bread, chocolate, crisps, high fat stuff and I know it's not about the food, I know it's about covering the feelings.
But seriously how do I get past this point. It's like how do I deal with what I obviously feel are just emotions that impossible to deal with, without gorging on food. I'm begining to become more disgusted with myself every day and I hate that about myself. Because a few things have become plainly obvious to me, "I am me"...I'm not going to become someone else, but my coping mechanisms are completely out of whack. And hating myself is not going to fix this problem, it's just the piece of wood that adds fuel to the already raging fire.
But how do I do this, seriously....why do I feel this connection with food that it's my only soother in the world?
I am in therapy, maybe I'm just asking the question I have not yet reached the answer to yet?
Love ye guys
Moongal x
Hi Moongal, I am so sorry for what you are going through, and I really wish that I could take it all away and make it better. I have been there with the binging and understand all too well that it's a temporary way to cover up emotions. The key is that you are working through your emotions and the root cause, so it is all about coping in the meantime. It really is psychological as well as physical, because psychologically you have created a need for the food in order to cover the emotions, and physical because you get into the habit of eating foods at higher quantities. I am a huge believer in out of sight, out of mind. If you try to remove yourself from an environment of temptation, then that will help you a lot, though I know that's not always easy. So, another way to work through those moments is to write down everything you feel after a binge and carry this piece of paper with you. When you sit down to eat, read through this and remind yourself of how it makes you feel. This helped me as I was working through my emotions. Remember that this is a process, and it's something that didn't happen over-night, so it won't go away over-night, but it will go away.
I hope that this helped a bit, I am here for you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you big hugs & lots of love.
Hey Puppy,
Thanks for your reply. I know you understand where I am at when I want to binge. Ya being away from the kitchen does help a little alright I must admit. And we have a kind of kitchen/sitting room that's where we spend most of our day.
I will try and remember that, to carry a piece of paper even if I do binge, I generally use the binge to curb my feelings.
I'd love to know when it's going to catch on, and I'm going to think "no I'm not going to rush to the cupboard now, I'm going to feel how I feel and just go through it all, the good and crap emotions".
How are you hun, hope you are well
Love you
Moongal x
Hi Moongal
I'm sorry that things are still difficult for you with regards to the bingeing. I am pretty much the same as you and the more you think about it, the more you can't understand why you do something that you really do not want to do. Almost beating yourself up in your head before you even start the binge, it's even worse once you have actually binged.
The only advice I can offer is from a book, not experience!!
- eat regularly at meal times to give your body proper nutrition and to thereby reduce strong cravings for foods that are going to set you off again
- try as hard as you can not to omit meals after bingeing, as this will programme the next binge.
- deal with the consequences of bingeing
- keep a diary so you can get to know your own triggers
- don't do food shopping when you are hungry
- distract yourself - go for a walk, watch tv, phone a friend etc
- don't blame yourself if you have had a binge. Look at the behaviour chain, and look for links that can be broken
- avoid people, places and things that are associated with bingeing for you
- monitor your urges to eat and rate their severity on a scale of 1-10 and their duration. make a note of what effect your expected eating would have on your thoughts, feelings and physical state
Maybe a load of mumbo jumbo, biut i hope some of the suggestions help a little
Take care Moongal
Big Hugs, Lace xxx
Hey Lace,
Thank you for your reply. It's not mumbo jumbo at all...I think I just find it hard to obey those rules, it's such an incredible urge. And everyday I try to remain prepared for it. The strange thing is, I'm glad when I'm done eating for the day, if that makes sense. I kinda follow a nutritional program and usually I stop eating at about 9pm and when that time hits in I'm actually relieved. It's like phew it's 9pm now, no more food to eat, done for the day and I've waaay more control at that time.
I wonder why I can't say that at like 4pm. Something like it's not dinner time, and you're not hungry, leave it, it's like that overwhelming urge to eat is building, it is hugely hard to control. Fortunately I find fruit brilliant, I love it, but I just eat and eat and eat it until I'm stuffed to burst and I know, even though it's not that bad, I'm only eating it to keep me busy and away from the really bad food.
I don't get why food is such a huge soother for me and I know others out there too.
How are you hun?
Love you
Moongal x
I know exactly how you feel Moongal and I feel your frustration, I get that.
I find food shopping the hardest.... to buy or not to buy. I stand in front of the cakes for hours. People must think i am crazy!! Just stand there, buy it, don't buy it. Most of the time I buy it. There are times when i have managed to walk away, but i almost always end up back in the same spot picking something up!!
I am ok i suppose. how are you?
xxx
Are there certain times in the day that you binge more? I am online quite a bit if you ever need to chat as a distraction
xx
Moongal, I know that you will get to a happy and healthy place with food and eating, though it really is a process and takes a lot of patience. And, it's good to vent out frustrations rather than suppressing them. Rather than going to the cupboard, can you write out what you are feeling and/or come here and journal. We are always here for you. And, Lace gave brilliant points which are very very effective. Maybe you can practice one at a time so that you don't overwhelm yourself.
Well Lace,
For me, it's not the food shopping. It's being at home and suddenly getting that overwhelming urge, and sometimes it's so powerful if I don't have the real bad food in the house that I want I'll go out and buy it. And not just a small bar, I'm talking barssssss of choc, and a big bag of crisps and scoff them, now thank God, cos I can't drive that is no longer an option for me. But generally from 2-4pm can be bad and then 7-8pm.
Looking at it, it seems like that's only 3 hours, you can handle 3 hours, but they honestly seem like the longest 3 hours ever created. I also know for sure I don't drink enough water.
And Puppy,
Thank you, I know it's a process, I know I emotionally flog myself when I slip, I will take Lace's and your advice, I know it is good.
Love ye guys
Moongal x
hello moongal!
i dont have a problem with eating disorders, either i am eating or not.
though i oftentimes just dont' eat, and must make myself.
I have learned though that with eating it is like if I do not eat properly I will get moody.
So it is important to eat proper.
Our moods and food is tied together so very closely.
I feel that you are on to something here Moon Gal because you realize that the eating disorder is a mere symptom of something else.
My theory is to find the underlying cause of these tendencies and work on them, if we can find and fix our underlying issues, these other habits that have formed I believe will go away.
It seems to be derived from wanting to change how we feel.
I think it also has to do with delayed gratification vs. immediate gratification.
Sooo, with that said if you can focus on how you will feel later as opposed to this very second?
overindulging in food may make us feel better in the short term but in the long term we feel much worse.
so instead, try some replacement therapy. What else can you do?
Hobby? Exercise?
Writing?
Eat a balanced diet and remember how you will feel later as opposed to now.
Hope this helps!
Feed yourself GOOD POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS. any negative self talk needs to be immediately redirected to the polar opposite.
I have done the chocoalte bar thing many times. I don't eat chocolate anymore though. I had hypnotherapy which somehow managed to cure that. I haven't eaten a chocolate bar in over a year. Although it stopped me eating chocolate it didn't stop me eating cakes and biscuits and crisps
:-(
Don't be hard on yourself about the 3 hours. That is an immensley long time when all you can think about is food!!
Well, if you ever need to chat between those times and I am online, I will gladly chat to you. It's a good distraction for me too and allows me to stop thinking about food for a while also.
I am going to take Puppy's suggestion of writing down my feelings when I have the urge to binge. I think I really need to explore what is keeping me doing this. I need to try something!!
Love ya Moongal. Keep your chin up. We can do this xxx
Moongal, that's so wonderful to hear. Please know that we are here to help you through every step of the way :-)
Hey Pegasus,
Thank you so much for your advice. I hope you are doing well and
Lace,
Yes, we can beat this I know we can. And I guess that three hours is a long time. I'm going to start drinking more fluids too that could help curb the appetite.
Hypnotherapy sounds like a great idea, one of my sisters swears by it. Did you go to someone or do it by CDs alone?
I hope ye both have a great day today
Love to you
Moongal x
I went to someone. I was a little scepitcal about it. I went to help with self eseteem, but one of the things we touched on was my eating. At the time chocolate was the only thing that I ate, I didn't eat any meals. I couldn't walk into a hop without buying a handful of chocolate bars, scoffing them down and then going to the next shop and doing the same. Since that day, I no longer crave chocolate. I can walk in a shop and walk straight past it. I can even buy chocolate for other people without having an urge to even pick up any for myself. I have thought about going for more sessions, but I can't afford it at the moment. But I will definitely go when I can. The mind is a powerful thing.
I think keeping hydrated will help you. Every time you get the urge to binge, drink some water, sit for a bit and see if the urges go. The bingeing is a way of your body telling you that it needs nutrition. Unless we give our bodies proper nutrition and supply it with a little from all the food groups, it will go off hunting for food, whether you are hungry or not. If that makes any sense.
I hope today is a better day for you Moongal. I will be thinking of you
Lace xx
Hey Lace,
Today, so far has been difficult. I had to go grocery shopping, and it wasn't the grocery shopping itself, it was the getting properly dressed to go; like putting on some kind of "outfit" to look ok to people, you see around my house I'm always in jammie bottoms and large t-shirts, but can't wear something like that to town.
I think I looked like the most uncomfortable person in my own skin...cos that's how I feel. When in a public setting like our town. I feel naked, like people can see through me, like they can see how sad, lonely and depressed I feel. I have very little interest in talking to people, making eye contact, any of that. Do you feel like this too?
Anyway I feel I got enough healthy food to last a good while, I hope so anyway. I hope you are having a good day.
Love you hun
Moongal x
Hi MG
I am glad I caught you online. I was just thinking about you.
Funny you should mention finding getting dressed difficult, I wrote about that in my journal after having a hard time myself this morning. I find it very difficult to find something that I feel comfortable in, and there is often a lot of tears shed when I have to get dressed. This is about feeling comfortable in yourself though, and if you do not feel comfortable in you, you will not feel comfortable in clothes. At least that is how I feel.
Is there one thing about your body that you like? However small that may be!!
I am glad that the actual shopping was ok. This can often be a hurdle in itself. Well done on going out, I am proud of you :-) Getting some fresh air is always good.
Love to you too
Lace xx
Hey,
You're right, if you're not comfortable with yourself you won't be comfortable with your clothes. And ya going out was not easy, and that surprised me cos I just thought it would be 45mins in town no big deal, but it turns out my confidence is so low that it was pretty scary.
I go to weight watchers to try and healthily lose this weight and be with people that understand, maybe also keep me motivated I mean that's the whole concept behind it...I'm hoping group work could really help, along with therapy.
At the moment I can't think of a single part of my body that I like, that sounds bad I know. But when I try and find something...I find fault before I find goodness.
How is your day going today??
Love you
Moongal x
The main thing is you did it. I think you should aim to try and get out at least every other day. Not necessarily to the shops, maybe a walk to the park or something like that. The more you do it, the less anxious you will feel.
Do you do group therapy?
Not even your big toe ;-) - There's not much I like about my body either. I do like my ears though, lol... strange I know!!
Day is ok. Haven't binged yet, which is great as it is 3.30pm already. Fingers crossed for the rest of the day.
What do you have planned for the rest of the day?
Nope defo not my toes, I hate my feet especially my toes. Well ears are a good thing to like...different though, I will give you that.
I plan to go for a good walk later, I can go walking easily, we live in a remote enough area so getting out and doing some exercise is easy enough, which is great.
That will be about it...I've not binged either yet. And I'm hoping it doesn't happen. I'm following weight watchers so I track everything and it helps a little, adds a little more control to things or something. But I know that urge is still on me, like a ghost that kinda follows me around or something.
What have you planned?
haha. i hate feet full stop. your mission this week is to find one thing about you that you like... anything!! No matter how small it is! ;-)
i am glad you can get out and about. that's cool. is it nice where you live?
WELL DONE!! That's great as you have just gone past your hardest part of the day!! Woohooooo!! Proud of you.
Have you drank enough water today? lol... i'm sounding like a mum!!
i am finishing work in about half an hour or so. then i don't have much planned this evening. i am going to go for a walk i think. that's about all my body can handle at the moment.