My husband has admitted to being bipolar and ADHD. He was put on effexor last summer for both. The medication was helping but as the doctor told him he would begin to not get the same results from his marijuana use and would eventually not like the marijuana. After taking the effexor he stated that he was not liking marijuana so much anymore so he turned to K2 and other synthetic marijuana and my suspicions possibly meth. His anger became out of control. I had him restrained from the home. We then tried to work on the marriage while we lived in separate homes. But, my husband would not continue the effexor and continued the marijuana and possibly other drugs. He doesn't trust anyone, he is constantly asking everyone to help him out in someway and if told no he explodes and hates that person,he blames everyone for everything, he is jealous of everyone, controlling, constantly needing to borrow money (he does eventually pay it back) but I found that sometimes the money he borrowed was for drugs. A little over a week ago his moods were up and down, he was looking for other women on the internet, hollering divorce and then he wanted to be loving to me. I was really tired one night and fell asleep while watching t.v. I knew he was allready irritable about alot of things. He came into the house and kicked the couch so hard it hit the wall with alot of force (and the couch is against the wall) I was immediately awake and on my feet and yelling at him to knock it off and telling him how disrespectful he was. My 18-year-old son was lieing on the love seat and he started yelling at my husband to knock it off and that he didn't need to act that way and he should just leave. Long story short- my son ended up with a broken cheek bone from my husband. My son never even left the couch until after he was assaulted and the cops were on the way. My son and I now have placed restrainig orders on him. I love my husband very very much but he won't get the help that he needs and deserves. He just says that people shouldn't piss him off. Why can't he see that his doctor prescribed medication helps him not the drugs that he self medicates with. He seems jealous of everyone that I come in contact with. And what is really sad is that I feel like the guilty one. If I had done this or done that or said this or said that. If I hadn't fallen asleep or gave him the attention and the love he was wanting earlier in the day. Why do I feel guilty of everything? I am so torn apart. I miss him, the good him. He is a wonderful person deep down inside.
Hi Destiny04, I am so sorry for what you are going through with your husband. I am assuming that you are still living in separate residences? If so, that's the best possible thing for you. I understand that you love your husband, but he is no longer the man that you once knew. It's very difficult to deal with that loss, but until he is willing to help himself, you should completely stay away from him. He should prove that he is a changed man by getting the help that he needs, staying on his medication, and truly showing that he's stabilized. What he did to your son is absolutely horrific and I am so sorry for what he went through. I think that it's time for you to move forward with your life without him in it, because you deserve to be treated with love and respect, and not to have to live in fear.
Please do not blame yourself for any of this; you did everything absolutely right, you tried so hard for him. This is all his own doing and of his own creation. Know and believe that you do not deserve to have a person like this in your life and neither does your son. Is there any way that you can move away from the area to get further away from him? As well, do you have family and friends who know about your situation?
Please know that you are not alone, we are here for you.
He is not fighting the wind.
My son and I had court today for the restraining orders. We received full orders of protection for a year. But, not without the judge making us feel like the guilty ones. Saying that Jason kicking the couch while I was sleeping on it was not a threat and my son just needs to learn to keep his mouth shut that he provoked it all and that is why he got hit. I allready felt guilty enough. I tried to keep my husband from coming to the house telling him that we needed to work on things but for him to not be coming to house especially if the boys were the only ones there. He wouldn't listen. He is one of them that doesn't take no for an answer without getting furious. I just feel that so much is my fault. Like if I had stuck to my guns and made him stay away from the house this would never have happened. But, the cops told me that the only way to keep him from coming to the house beings we are married is to file for divorce or get a restraining order. I didn't want to do either. I wish the pain would go away. I wish he would get help. I pray for my husband so much. Pray that God will make him see what he needs to see. And thank you puppydoglvr for your post. It helped.
I am glad you got the restraining orders that was very smart and right thing to do. If my husband broke my son's cheek bone that would be the end of our marriage. I'm just giving advice best I can because I have been in an abusive marriage before and believe me it doesn't get better it gets worse. You need to love yourself and especially your son enough to realize when enough is enough. There are men out there who don't abuse and aren't drug users. It doesn't mean you can't wish the best for your husband and hope he gets help. You will hurt inside but in time you will get stronger and not miss him anymore(the him he used to be)Your husband sounds like he is blaming everyone but himself for his behavior (typical abuser) so he can't change if he won't admit a problem. I have enough self respect to know when enough is enough, I hope you do too for you son's sake if not for your own. The next time he might kill you or your son. I had a friend who kept making excuses for her husbands behavior and enabling him and taking him back and it almost cost her her life, so you can see why I feel this way. I will pray for you and your son.
Hey, I'm going through a similar situation, but my husband put the order on me, he was emotionally , physically, and verbally abusive for a long time and always looking at other girls and lying to me, and treating me like crap and i had enough one night and broke down and flipped out on him, and scrathed him, and hit him, and he called the police and tried getting me arrested, He changed the locks on the house and got a restraining order...he wanted me to look crazy and he took two of my best friends with him, but most of my friends and my family saw how much he hurt me, so they didn't think i was crazy...anyway I blamed myself for awhile, and tried raelly hard to get back with him...i'm only three weeks out...but then i realized one day how bad he was for me...I'm getting counsling and joined this...I'm getting help, I'm becoming a better person..I broke down today and cried and laid in bed, so its not easy at all..i miss the good times and the happy times but he was destroying me and my entire life. My self esteem is so low now because of him.Don't feel guilty, and if I would give him one yaer to get help, and if he doesnt then you need to LEAVE! I know exactly how you feel, thats why i stayed with him for a 3 years. There are bad days, but talk to people.. talk on here, talk to counslers, and your friends..set goals for your life. The day he walked away from me i wanted to die, i cut my wrists, I didn't eat for a week, I quit school and didn't go to work..its extremely hard, but when i look at how bad our marriage was and how badly he treated me, one bad week is worth a lifetime of happines...so stay strong and if you need to talk I've been down that road and hurt a lot from what he put me through, so i understand it all!!