thats what they call us birthmoms.they love us and tell us all the wonderful things they could say in this world untill they get what they want and thats ur baby then they fade away and never to be seen again.hi all my name is tracy and i am a birthmom i have had 4 children placed for adption 1 by choice and i am bitter and angry because i was never given the chance to take care of my children i was young and my mom made this decision and to this day when i love someone i hold on to tight and i push them away because i am afraid i will loose someone else i love.i have a lot of abbondment issues and i cant spell.lol.i sometimes think that there is no one that will be here for ever right wrong i am learning today that life is what you make it and that somtimes it is really hard and that no matter what you have gone through in this life there is someone out there who gets it all of it and that one day you will be free im praying for that day to be free free from this prision that i have bilt for my self this place in my own self that tells me im no good ,that i am worth nothing i want to be free from this i want to see a better day it is there god i know it is there and soon so soon i will find it.the pain lessens a little everyday a little every day i am starting to find myself.i have two beautyful babys now that give me all the love i need from them and soon i will be able to love my self .and soon i will be able to see my life clear and not from behind this dark cloud im in and have been in for so very long.it is sead that u cant love till you learn how to love your self well today by the grace of god i am learning to love myself. i have two of these adopted children back in my life some what and they had a great life but they still need me too and that tells me that i am inportant to some one that i am needed by someone.i just need to learn how to need myself.be my own best friend.today i am in school starting in 2 weeks and i am trying to fix what has been broken for so long.and i will if it the last thing i do........thanks for listening and again i send blessings to u all.
thats wonderful that you are going to school! go you!also it is wonderful to hear you say that you are working on loving yourself because it helps you to help yourself and those you love. things will get better hun and just pray and know that you will be in my prayers. take one day at a time and one step at a time. with god all things are possible and it sounds like things are starting to look up for you. wishing you the best.:)
Tracyw, I read your story..I can so relate it, a similar stituation in my own life. My mom is a birthmom(to my half brother)She was in a stituation with her boyfriend years back like the 60's..well shorten the story..he was a womennizzer..married..liar so fourth so on..my mom got pregnant, he abandoned her obviously married..player but, so did her family she was a disgrace..so she moved away with nothing found a place slowly tried to suffer through each and every month knowing she had no choice but give the baby up, she was in no postion to tend to i "its" needs, there wasn't the help like today.needless to say, years passed she picked up the pieces of her broken heart moved outta state and met my dad, he was so supportive of her, non judgemental and together they tried to reverse the adoption but, it was too late. So, they got married and had me.Years and years passed my mom carried all the baggage, she was a wonderful mom to me..I never knew any of this till, i was an adult myself married excepting a baby and i had a daughter outta wedlock previous from a previous relationship which my parents yet disappointed in me, were very supportive..knowing what i know today that must have been so hard on my mom...So, okay with all that said ..about 10 years ago, i got this phone call..fast forward it was my "brother" long story short..it was like a dream come true for my mom and my dad--for my mom sakes, the reunion was amazing..story book like...BUT..then just as u said....within 2 years things started to change...loss of communication..little to no visits, my dad had gotten sick (kidney failure) like my mom, really could have used joe(my brother) support and love...it's like he saw, learned and gained all the info he wanted so he had no use for us in his life now .Years/ months would pass nothing..we picked up and moved on with our lives LIKE THE REUNION NEVER HAPPENED........1 year ago, i heard from him he was getting divorced so fourth so on, said his reunion was to blame in addtion to other things.. at that point he would call my mom unload all his problems etc., she was just his sounding block..broken promises broken made to her like no show visits..it was actually emotionally harmful to her, as she is no kid herself now at almost 70, I had to b the "bad guy" and step to the plate and tell me..just the way it was..very sad but, my mom just couldnt do it...lets just say haven't heard from him since...i know it's hard on my mom, but it's like why didn't he just leave things the way they were..he obviously, had some form of exceptions he was looking for and didn't find so, he got what he needed and dumped her and my family...I accept it for what it is..returned to life as an"only child"
hi dear, strange to hear the other perspective, having been given up for adoption when I was nine. I feel for you, must be so hard. I can tell you this, I have had a lot of pain over having been given away, I do have abandonment issues, but I dont' blame my bio mom. I really APPRECIATE the fact, no matter how hard life has been, and it has been very hard forme. I APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT SHE GAVE ME LIFE! so hold your head up high dear and be proud that you gave your children the gift of life, without you, they would not be here1 That is something to be very proud of mama, so be a proud mama, the choices your kids make are their own, not yours. life is hard and you were young and back then there was not the help that we have today. Hopefully they were treated well by their adopted parents, I know I was not and it hurt. I have always wondered about my mom, looked for her with no success and would love to know her. I dont' want to intrude on her life, but would love to find her. Her last name was Papke and she was from San Francisco area, but can't remember much more, anyway, Life is hard, difficult and we jsut do the best we can. I would love to chat with you, hold the children you can and love them all, however, don't let guilt rule your life or be taken advantage of, what you did was noble, you may have been forced to give them away, but you were strong enough not to terminate any chance they had at life. I am prochoice by inclination, but believe everyone should have the chance to live their lives and respect those that face everyone's judgements, their own fears, etc. and let their babies have a chance. It's all a crapshoot anyway, some of us have great lives, some of us suffer, such is life, but there is beauty in it and love and joy and we just have to stop blaming ourselves for not being perfect and just be the best we can be each day, if we fail, so what. just pick up where you left off and keep on going. ok hon, would love to be support friends! Thank you for live, if your kids don't thank you I will, because I don't know your age,/name, but in theory you could have been my mom. So coming from an adopted kid, thank you for life.-Julz