I am a 28 yr old mother of 1 daughter. I had PTSD after having a very difficult birth that ended in C-section and my daughter being born blue. They called her the "8 minute baby". She was not breathing for 8 minutes. I was not able to see her for 24 hours after giving birth. I ended up having another surgery hours after the C-section because of bleeding. My daughter and I were in the hospital for 1 week then I was back in the hospital due to an infection from the surgeries. It has been almost 3 years since this incident and I am ready to have another child. I had my mind right and focused. I brought it up to my husband and he told me that he doesnt want to go through that anymore. "That" meaning me being depressed or having the PTSD. So in essence I am being blamed for all the events. It hurts to know that someone that is supposed to love you through good and bad times would say something like that. I know it was the truth but to put it in such a way that just made me feel like, there are no words to express how that made me feel that day he said it. I have been playing it through my mind for months now. I think it's really starting to hit me because this past April I was diagnosed with PCOS and the longer I wait the harder and more infertile I will become. I really just needed to vent and talk to someone who may have gone through the same/similar situation or would just listen without being bias.
Hi Vandygarvin, have you expressed to your husband how his words have affected and hurt you? And have you told him that it's very important for you to have more children and doing so sooner rather than later is crucial? If you can work on communicating these feelings to him slowly but surely, I think that he will open up and relax about having more children. It seems that as much as you had PTSD from your first child's birth, he also is experiencing the same. He loves you and doesn't want you to go through any more pain.
You are not to blame for what happened to you during or after your pregnancy. You could not prevent what happened to your child or yourself during delivery. You are not to blame for getting an infection which required you to be readmitted to the hospital and you are not to blame for your PTSD. This are unfortunate events that no one is responsible for, they just happened.
I would let your husband know that what he said hurt you.Maybe he didn't mean it the way it came across and he could explain better. Perhaps he is just scared he might loose you or the baby next time. Let him know that what happened during your last pregnancy wasn't typical and that it doesn't mean your next pregnancy will be the same.
Let him know that having more children is important to you and that you don't want this to be something you regret later.
You could even suggest that you both go in to see the doctor together and talk to them about what the risks might be, if there are any, in getting pregnant again.