Why is it that i allow what other people do, affect how i feel or how i act? if i think i should be in control of that person, and they do something without asking, i get pissed off. I have a completely different attitude. Why does it really matter to me what someone else does? They have a right to do, just as i expect to be able to do. i don't understand why i feel like i must control people in this way. Granted, the person spoke of has lied to me on several occassions. i feel if he is out of my sight, he's doing something he shouldn't be doing. Even though i know, i should be done with this relationship if the trust is broken, but now is not a good time. My health and the economy has us together. Plus, with all my past abusie relationships, i'm really comfortable with him even though he's lied to me. I feel so safe in his arms, even if i may not be, it FEELs that way. That's important when you haven't had that much. How do i stop myself from driving him crazy and away from me, or is it too late?
Dearest Liar2me
When I read the above, I was quite shocked to tell you the truth. But at the same time I can identify with your current situation. It took me quite a while to realize that I wasn't always the one to blame in my previous relationships. You see, if he has a tendency to lie, then you have a very good reason to feel insecure, paranoid and confused. Sometimes we choose partners who can't fulfill our needs because we have yet to learn how to fulfill our own. Why do you want to settle for less when you are already used to not having much? Isn't lying a form of abuse? Lying is when we underestimate another's rationality and intellect. I am certain that you want more, need more and DESERVE more, if you didn't then you wouldn't have asked for an opinion or help. The reason why you might drive him crazy is because he is driving you crazy. Is it too late? I surely hope that it is too late for him and not too late for you. Remember that every end has an U-turn. You can turn any negative situation into a positive one, even if you only later in your live realize that it was indeed something positive. Take it from me... I took a break from relationships and the path to self discovery and self asessment is so much more valuable than lying in the arms of a man. The loneliness will never stop but your self worth will improve and the choices you make will become more rational and even more self inflicted, which actually can be a very good thing. Good luck! God bless!
Anneli Sauerman
South Africa
Anna.S,
thank you so much for your honest approach to my conflict. i really needed to here that from anyone! i dont talk to many, and the one's i do talk to know both my boyfriend and i. yes, lying is a form of abuse and i'm tired of living with abusive men. i was alone two years before i met this guy, and it was the best two years of my life. What i would give to be back there again. your advice was just what i needed to hear. thank you.
Liar2me, thank you so much for sharing what is going on with you. I totally agree with the advice and insight that Anna.S gave you, as it was right on point.
Why can't you go back to the place you were before; your two happy years being single. You do not have to stay in the relationship, most especially if he has continually lied to you. It's so hard to deal with dishonesty, once it's broken, it's very hard to go back to that place of trust. Whether a friend or significant other lies to me, the trust is automatically broken. Somehow I can't believe anything they do or tell me, it's hard.
Thanks for doing what you said you would do, Puppydoglvr. I needed that. Things have been really bad lately. Maybe I'll post later. I enjoy reading others posts to get energy from there. Since I wasn't getting much response on my on.
I really do hope that you post a lot more, we are here to support you. Have you thought of posting in multiple Groups, such as Relationship, so that you get more of a response. I just want to make sure that you are getting all of the support that you need, that's what we are here for.
I know that things will get better for you. I am here to help in any way that I can.