Teen focus: raising self-esteem
Self-esteem is an enormously significant issue during teenage years. Author Debi K Moore offers advice for children and parents alike on how to approach this often sensitive subject.
Self-esteem is how you see yourself. In essence, the value or worth you give to yourself as a person in society. If you think you are wonderful and have your life path worked out, then well done, you have high self-esteem.
However, if you feel you are useless and actually expect other people to criticise you then you are lacking in self-esteem! Many of us experience times of low self-esteem. We start doubting ourselves and have inner conversations in our head - telling us we are stupid, and useless.
Sometimes things just don't go our way despite our effort and this is where high self-esteem can help us get through challenges.
If you have low self-esteem, you may find it:
Difficult to accept compliments, believe you are not worthy of being loved, always think everybody else is right, have no confidence in making the simplest decisions Don't worry you are not alone; even the late Princess of Wales lacked self-esteem.
The word 'esteem' is Latin, which means to 'estimate'. Self-esteem therefore is how you estimate or value yourself. It's about your own view of yourself and has nothing to do with how other people see you. Even if your self-esteem has been a bit battered and bruised that doesn't mean you are stuck with it! The good thing is you CAN change low self-esteem. Everyone is very important in this world - this means you have rights as much as the next person does.
So, why do we get low self-esteem?
During our lives we may have misheard what people have said, we might have encountered rude people who have dented our pride or knocked the stuffing out of us for a bit. Life itself can bring down our self-esteem because it isn't working out the way we planned.
The picture you present to the world is the picture other people see. If you do not believe, you can do something it is very difficult for anyone else to believe you can do it. Belief has to come from inside.
If the Prime Minister told us he 'was rubbish at his job', we would believe him. If he stood confidently and said 'I will turn Britain around whatever it takes' we would listen and believe him, at least to a certain extent.
There are easy and quick ways to improve self-esteem and first you need to stop beating yourself up and start using positive affirmations. Have you noticed yourself, saying 'that was stupid', 'I don't deserve a holiday', 'I'll never pass my maths exam'? These sayings are 'negative'. They use the words 'cannot', 'don't, 'unable', instead of simply 'can'.
When you notice yourself running yourself down STOP and start to use positive words about YOU here are some examples:
'I can't do this' CHANGE it to 'I can do this but I haven't done it yet.'
'It's too difficult' CHANGE it to 'It looks a little challenging, but I will have a go.'
'I cannot run' CHANGE it to 'I am not experienced at running but I can run down to the lamp post today and will try two lamp posts tomorrow.'
Life can be hard enough without us beating ourselves up as well. It's important YOU are KIND to YOURSELF. If you don't 'value' yourself - how can other people value you? When people give you compliments, accept them graciously. Let's say you are at a party and someone compliments you: 'gosh you look gorgeous in that dress'. Don't say 'oh ta, it only cost a fiver down the market'. Just say 'that's kind of you - thank you.'
If someone comments: 'that was an excellent project' and you feel embarrassed and remark 'ta, but it wasn't anything special', it devalues what they thought was an excellent project. So agree by saying 'thank you, it was hard work but I was very pleased with the result.'
Let's start by writing down your good points. Write down anything and I mean anything that is good about you. Here are some examples to get you started:
Q: How would your friends describe you?
Q: What would your mum say about you?
Q: What do you think is your best character or trait?
Are you still struggling to find positive things about you? See if you can relate to any of the following: are you good with money, always on time, remember birthdays, kind to animals, have a tidy bedroom or can draw cartoons? See, I knew we could find something good. Make the list as long as possible and look at it every day to remind yourself how good you really are.
Once you start believing in YOU then you will see your life improve. Life's downs become life's challenges, not life's problems.
People will start to see you in a different light and you'll see that sun shining in the sky. The stars twinkling at night, well one has your name on it. Go and shine in the world and be the best you can be.
Excerpt taken from Lana's Life Tips for Teens by Debi K Moore