Boundary Setting

Many of us have real problems setting personal boundaries, with others, ourselves, and yes, an eating disorder!
Here are a few things I have learned along the way in my own recovery, that have proven to be true and helpful....
**Establishing boundaries helps to keep you safe. Others know they cannot take advantage of you. Your messages are clear. We have a right and a duty to protect ourselves!
**If you don't set boundaries, you could be giving yourself away. YOU are in control of how much you give, and also how much you keep of yourself for yourself.
**Setting boundaries with others can actually help THEM grow. It helps to make them conscious of their own behaviors which may allow them to change as well.
**Setting boundaries may allow you to get more of what YOU want and less of what you don't. You can protect yourself from unwanted behaviors, and encourage the behaviors that will empower you.
**Effective people set boundaries. You are more in control of your time and efforts, and this can greatly increase the positive feelings you have about yourself.
**Stand up for yourself-don't back down! In order for this to work for you, you must develop a commitment to uphold what is right and true for YOU. Be consistent!
**Practice makes perfect! This is new behavior, and it will FEEL awkward, and maybe not GOOD, but the more you practice it and experience the rewards, the better it will FEEL. It will become more automatic and comfortable in time.
Some examples of personal boundaries:
People may NOT:
**Criticize me.
**Humiliate me.
**Invade my personal space or belongings.
**Lie to me.
**Make derogatory comments about my appearance.
**Take advantage of me.
**Take their anger or frustration out on me.

Put this into practice and see how it affect the relationships you have with those around you, and with yourself!

Jan ♥

I have listened to a book on CD called "Boundaries" and have loved it. I have just started on my boundaries, but it is a struggle. Have you had good practice with boundaries? I am STRUGGLING with eating everything in sight...I can't stop eating. I know it's not good and keep telling myself that, but it's only getting worse. I keep gaining weight. And I am SO emotional about it. I have never been thin and that is all I want. I don't want people to see me as this fat person anymore! How do you set boundaries with yourself?

And then with your boundaries about 'people may not'...what boundaries are needed when those things do happen??

Thanks

Hi Jen...welcome to the site!
It took me a very long time to find the courage to begin to stand up for myself and to value myself enough to set boundaries, with others, and with myself in terms of my recovery. For me, much of it did stem from not believing that I deserved respect, or that I was not worthy of fighting for. Once I began to set limits on what I would 'take' from others, I began to value and appreciate myself more as well, and it became a very rewarding process. It doesn't require cruelty with others to let them see that you won't put up with being taken advantage of, or being 'walked on', so to speak. I use to not speak my opinions or use my 'voice' about anything, for fear of being ridiculed, criticized, or simply disagreed with. That left me vulnerable to being controlled almost totally by others.
It's good that you recognize that your struggles with food are emotional, and not simply a lack of will power. I am a huge believer in putting an eating plan in place for yourself that neither restricts your intake nor limits the type of food that you eat. Consistent, adequate intake is your best defense against overeating. I also suggest that you consider seeing a therapist so that you can hopefully discover some of the emotional components that are making this so hard for you.
Take care...and keep writing!! Jan ♥

So...was anyone going to let me know that I mispelled 'boundary'???? ♥

jan, this is great , thanks so mcuh and i will use this in my life ....

thanks

maureen

Hey Jan,
Thanks so much. My therapist is dealing with this issue in me...she asks me to "check in" with my feelings...how do I feel about that...? and really check in on your feelings and don't just stick to the norm.

Thanks
Moongal x

torch-bearer, jan---
due to the seemingly ENDLESS components that make up my string of oddities, your powerful boundary-setting suggestions resonate strongly with me. i find it too easy to forget that it's REALLY not about food. focusing on food and on my persistent need for emptiness, boundary-setting has been nonexistent for me. what a new and mysterious concept...
i look forward to a time when i CAN set boundaries, when i CAN take control of how i live my own life, when i CAN move through life more gracefully. thank you for this post.
namaste
xoxo

really jan, i do like this and have put this to use, thanks....

love
maureen