@Brian36 I tried to post a comment to your post of Nov 21 b

@Brian36 I tried to post a comment to your post of Nov 21 but was not able to (I could only reply to one of the comments. I want to let you know I was in the same situation of caring for my mother after my father died. She relied on him for everything. She's an alcoholic and expects to be taken care of (my therapist termed it 'infantile' behavior). I love my Mom but after a year of doing it all (my 4 siblings did not come forward to help even thought half-way through the year I told them I cannot do it alone and to please take on some of the responsibilities - a made a list for them to chose from - and my mother would not accept any help from outside organizations that I tried to put in place) I became physically and emotionally ill from the stress. I learned that I had no 'emotional boundaries' with my mother, that is, I took on all the feelings she expressed (loneliness, anger, grief, etc.). I had the physical symptoms you are describing, shaking hand, etc. Please recognize that your body is telling you it's had enough and a change needs to happen now. I didn't listen to my body and ended up with an emotional and physical breakdown that landed me in the hospital for 6 days. She was so needy that she called me two times while in the hospital to say she needs me to get well so I can take care of her! The inner conflict of having to stop taking care of her and feeling it's my responsibility to take care of her (like I had since childhood) caused the onset of a conversion disorder where my legs would give out and I'd fall whenever I felt strong emotions. Again my psyche and body were telling me enough is enough and to take care of myself. So when I left the hospital it was my husband who had to take care of me b/c of the conversion disorder (take me to my therapy appointments to resolve the cause of it). I'm so fortunate to have had his help. But I could no longer take care of my mother. She said I abandoned her just like my father abandoned her when he died. Can you believe that! My eyes finally opened and I saw how flawed she was, so selfish and self-centered. It hurt a lot at the time but one year later I'm doing so much better. I've learned to put up boundaries with her. I only visit her with my husband present b/c otherwise she'd say guilt-inducing things. But what I'm want to tell you is that my siblings had no choice but to step in and share in the care of her (all 4 of them doing it together instead of just me). They've been angry with me b/c I stopped caring for her and since then we don't talk. They think I'm faking the stress-induced illnesses so it's just as well I not have a relationship with them - they are narrow-minded and unkind. I share this with you b/c you really need to take care of yourself, especially if any of what I've said is similar in some ways to what your situation is. Surround yourself with loving and appreciative people. If we are suffering, it requires us to gain an awareness of the root of it and make proactive changes in our lives. You got a lot of good advise from other people that I hope you'll look into. Supportive therapy once a week really helped me to see things for what they were and to learn to take care of myself. It's not a selfish act to take care of your physical and emotional and psychological self.

1 Heart

I was really moved by your post. Do you feel your siblings know who your mom really is, and distance themselves from her because of it? I am so sorry they are angry with you, and treating you badly because you need boundaries, and need to care for yourself. I am glad that you were able to distance yourself from your mother.