You know that character hyperventalating into a paper bag in cartoons? That was me.
I'd never had a panic attack before in my life until about two and a half months ago. (For the record, I was sober.)
Suddenly every bit of rationality and reason in my head was wiped out and replaced by stupid, senseless fear. I was having a heart attack. No, I had a brain tumor that was pressing on something, making me lose control. No, I was going insane. Yes, that was it. Or wait no--it WAS a heart attack. AND i was going insane...
You get the idea.
It was a bit like being buried alive, only if I had been buried alive, my reaction would have made sense. I was drowning in the open air, and yes, my dad gave me a paper bag to breathe into. Funny, but only in hindsight. I made my parents take me to the emergency room twice. Nothing wrong; surprise, surprise.
For several weeks my life was dazed helplessness punctuated by episodes of nameless fear. It got to the point where I stopped being able to function at all and dropped out of my charter high school. Yes, I had become too fucked up even for that place.
But finally I got an answer.
I had recently turned eighteen and got Mirena, a form of implant birth control that's effective for up to five years. Mirena works by steadily administering birth control hormones directly into your... yeah.
My panic attacks had started one week after having it put in. I talked to my doctor, who talked to other doctors, and none of them had heard of anything like that happening. Then FINALLY a nurse happened to hear and said yes, when she had worked in another clinic, she had heard that the hormones in Mirena could induce strong feelings of anxiety or depression in women in their late teens/early twenties. (Mirena's slogan is "Keep Life Simple." Ha.)
I'm sharing this because I do not want anyone to experience what I went through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. On the bright side, being completely convinced of my immenent death made me appreciate life so much more. And, luckily for me, my state is only one of two in the country that will give out an actual diploma for scoring high enough on the GED test. I took the test and got my results two weeks ago--my diploma is on its way.
If there is anyone out there experiencing this with Mirena, no, you're not crazy, just get that **** removed. If you're thinking about getting it and you're in this age group, yes, you are crazy. If, like me, you want something to symbolize your independence at eighteen... get a tattoo.
Wow just goes to show...do report any changes with you in regard to changes in medication, even if you think they are completely unrelated.
Hope you are feeling better now.
Love to you
Moongal x
Exactly. Our bodies' chemical balance can be so delicate. I'm loads better now, but I still feel the occasional onset of anxiety. The important thing is now I understand what it is--fear, just fear.