well, i find myself yet again on the mend after a couple weeks of self-inflicted hurt layered with the familiar emotions of guilt, hurt, frustration, bewilderment, loneliness, anger and all the other bullies that often keep their company. i fell off the wagon, though methinks i haven't been squarely on the wagon for some time now. i'm recommitting to doing and being better, and toward that end i've been taking inventory, looking for areas of weakness/vulnerability that could use some "spramping." almost immediately, i recognized a glaring deficiency in the area of "kindreds"...allies in this battle who truly have my back based on similarity of experience; individuals that "get it" and carry with them honesty, a lack of judgment, empathy, implicit understanding and ultimately, support. so here i am...reaching out a hand from the heart. trying to forgive the last several yesterdays and create a better tomorrow.
Hi....thank you for sharing! We are 'kindreds' here, and I know others can relate to what you are going through. No plan for recovery is perfect, but having a plan of some sort, and working with a professional for guidance and accountability can be critical.
Each day is a new beginning. Can you think of some safety techniques that you can put in place for yourself to keep you from 'falling' (as you put it)?
Forgive yourself....this disorder is a monster. Never give up the fight and please continue to share!! Jan ♥
thank you for your kindness, reminder, and encouragement. with my whole self do i wish there was a provider in my area to collaborate with, however i am currently living in a very remote part of the country; the closest semblance of a therapist living about 2.5 hours from my home. i have been well-acquainted with ED for some time now, and i know that surviving through the countless trigger moments in any given day is critical. here’s the rub: it is extraordinarily difficult to access those positive anchors that are meaningful to me in this small town. i know what makes me come alive, feeds my spirit, enlivens my heart, but sadly there is a true deficiency of those pursuits here. i know that this gaping lack in my life is swallowing me up, and i recognize that i am trying to fill this hole with food. i am trying to create a sense of decadence in my world with food. impossible, i know…or at least my mind knows. i will not be living in this place too much longer, but in joining this community of support i’m hoping to give myself someone(s) to lean on a bit and do my best to treat myself more lovingly given what things are right now. thanks again for your words. they mean more than you can know.
You will design your game board and personal game pieces as you play the game. Unlike other board games, this one is not about competition and winning. It's about creativity and the joy of self-discovery.
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