Came across this article earlier tonight, and I thought I'd share an excerpt. A lot of people on here have different views on what it means to forgive...but here's a list of what forgiveness does NOT mean. I think some people think forgiveness means to condone, accept, or forget our spouses past behavior, but that thinking becomes a roadblock to true forgiveness. **Disclaimer...this is from a Bible study website. I didn't post this to debate theology or to force my faith on anyone, just wanted to give a different perspective. :)
"Some of the greatest obstacles to forgiveness are the misconceptions about what it is. Realizing what forgiveness is not may make it easier.
It is NOT Condoning the Behavior. Once we understand that the act of forgiving does not compromise our moral standard by condoning the offense, we are in a position to forgive even the worst of wrongs. To forgive is not saying, "What you did is okay."
It is NOT Forgetting What Happened. It would be foolish to erase from mind some of the wrongs done to us. If we were to do so, we would never learn from our experiences and would walk right back into the same or a similar situation, only to face the same disappointments. What can eventually be forgotten are the raw emotions associated with the event. When we forgive, the terrible memories and feelings gradually diminish.
It is NOT Restoring Trust in the Person. Trust is earned. It is something we give to those who deserve it. To blindly trust someone who has hurt us is naïve and irresponsible. If a person is a thief, it is foolish to give her a key to your house. We can forgive people from the wrong they've done without extending to them an open invitation to do it again. It is foolish to trust an untrustworthy person.
It is NOT Agreeing to Reconcile. Forgiveness is a necessary step toward reconciliation, but reconciliation doesn't have to be the goal of forgiveness. In fact, there are some situations when reconciliation is not a good idea. It is silly, if not dangerous, to press for reconciliation when the other person is unrepentant, unchanging, or unwilling.
It is NOT Doing the Person a Favor. In Judaism, forgiveness is not required unless repentance is demonstrated and pardon is sought. But Jesus raised the standard of forgiveness to a higher level. According to him, we are to forgive even those who remain unrepentant. Forgiveness benefits the giver at least as much as the receiver, so we extend it whether or not the person asks for it.
It is NOT Easy. Forgiving is difficult enough when it involves a one time transgression. It verges on the impossible when the offense is ongoing. Such circumstances require an attitude of forgiveness, not simply and act of forgiveness. When Peter asked Jesus how often he should forgive, Jesus gave an unsettling answer:
Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?" "No!" Jesus replied, "seventy times seven!" (Matthew 18:21-22)
Think about the mathematics of that statement. Can you imagine forgiving anyone, even for a minor offense, 490 times? Imagine having a neighborhood kid ride his bike through your garden even day of the week for seventy weeks. (That's one year, four months, and two weeks!)
Jesus is asking us to do something that is humanly impossible. In and of ourselves we don't have enough forgiveness to go around. But God does. So when our limited resources run out and we are unable to forgive, we can ask him to forgive others through us. In so doing, we take one more step of obedience and allow ourselves to become a conduit of God's grace."
Full article link
http://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/forgiveness-the-very-essence-of-our-faith-11639431.html