Can anyone else relate to what I must do tomorow?

First thing that I would like to say is I hope an Pray that this message finds you all in great spirits and in the best health that people in our situation can possibly be!! I was diognosed 7 to 8 years ago with the hep-C virus.But i have been living with hep-c for over 35 years.I knew I was infected with the virus at the age of 17,due to the life that I was living starting around 1969.I put that first needle in my arm when I was 17.We were never instructed on how to share needles safely.I tried the inerferon & ribvaren tx. twice already,7 years ago was the first attempt an 5 an a half years for the second with terrible and horrific results both times.It made me attempt suicide both times.My wife of 27 years flipped out.I have been disabled for 9 years and my wife still has to work an then she has to come home and take care of me now.We have done nothing but argue for the last couple of years,I no she is tired and I can feel her resintment growing into hatered for me.I know she can't help it an I can't blame her for the way I make her feel.So when she leaves for work tomorrow(2;00pm)I will take off and not to found untill I have taken my life as a gift for her.I couldn't stand to die here as such a burden to her an knowing that the love that filled her giant heart for is now is tainted an has been replaced with hatetred.I Pray that she will understand that I have to do this for her because of all of the love that I still have for her plus I feel that I owe her this much!!We have 3 grown chidren and 5 grandchildren.My last liver biopsy(8/22/2010)showed that cirrhosis fibrosis has consumed my entire liver an i am so tired of putting up the good fight for all of these years an having to live in such terrible pain day after day even though my doctors have me taking 120mg of methadone(12 pills a day)plus they have me on the fentanyl patchs(50mg)which I am already building up a high tolerence to.i will continue this message tomorrow and please forgive me for not being able to finished due to the pain that i have to endure each an everyday of my life.see you all in a couple of hour.George A
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Hi George, how are you doing and feeling today? I am so sorry for what you are going through with your health and with your wife, though please do not think of yourself as a burden whatsoever. I can see where this can put a strain on your marriage, but know that your wife loves you so much and would be devastated coming home and not seeing you there. Is there anything at all that you can do to lighten the mood at home? If you can work on your relationship with your wife, then that would lift the heaviness that you feel energetically. Please let us know how you are doing today.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

George, suicide is not a gift-please think about what you are doing and I urge you to seek help asap

Hi George, I'm checking in to see how you are doing and feeling today? Please let us know, we are here for you.

My husband was disabled for a few yers and it sounds like the same scenario. He died from what the coroner called an "accidental" overdose about two years ago. Once he started taking Methadone on a regular basis it seemed as though he began to fall into a hole. He was either irratable or asleep. Sometimes he had very vivid hallucinations or dreams that seems. He began to remember things in his life differently than what actually happened and that became his truth. I had only known him for three years so many of the frightening things he would tell me I assumed were true.
We had our first child around the time he was filing for disability. I had to quit working to be home with him and the baby. He would have undiagnosed seizures that were chalked up to major anxiety attacks. I know know it was probably from Methadone withdrawal when he would change the way he dosed himself.
The methadone began to constipate him so he asked for his pain management doctor to change his perscription. He ended up with 60 mg extended release Morphine Sulfate. He took one on the way home from the pharmacist and it did not releive his pain within an hour so he took another. He managed to get outside with me while I was doing some yard work (the first time he had gone outside in about a week). When he came back in, I guess he took two more. He told me that he loved me and he knew that I hated it when he would over medicate but he just really hurt alot. I think that was him letting go. I want you to know I that I was very angry at first but I completely understood where he was. He had begged me for almost a year to just shoot him and bury him in the yard. I think ther were a few days that I would have just to put him out of his misery if I didn't think our little boy needed him.
I live with guilt everyday that I didn't do a good enough job of letting him know that I loved taking care of him, he was not a burden.
I have a boyfriend who does a good job of helping me raise my son and honoring his father's memory. I will not let either of them fall asleep without me being close enough to hear them breathe. I often wake up and check on them to make sure thay are alive. Knowing that he may have purposefully taken his own life to make sure that he didn't burden us is both brutal and beautiful. I miss him and I want to kick his teeth in and tell him thank you for trying so hard for so long.

Hi george. i am only 19 and just found out i have hep C. they are running more test on me to see exactly the extent of it and my doc sent in a referrl to a liver specailist so they can check my liver. but I kinda understand the about the pain it can cause me and i am very scared of it happening since i am so young. Just hang in there and know that your wife does love you. yes it may be hard but you are not a burden to her. Im sure she likes caring for the one man she loves and would do anything for you even though it may hurt her inside seeing you in pain all the time.

And to hvacguyinBR u should not even be in here if your going to talk like that. that was cruel and mean. how would u like it if someone said that to you. He is a real man and has a wife that loves him very much.

Hello everyone and I pray this note will find you in good spirits and the best of health!It has been 2 years (next month)sense I have posted.I would like to thank everyone for their support that was given to me.As of 10/06/11 my Hep-C and the cancer both went into remission and By the grace of GOD is still in remission as of today.November 16th 2012 I did my last follow up biopsy and blood work!For memory sake I would like to say I beat the Hep-C on my 3rd try on the inerferon tx which was the 48 week tx.Chemo did the trick for the liver cancer.It's been a long,long,LONG 8 years for my family and myself!I'm back up to 220 pounds(my standard weight)from 143 pounds at the stert of the remission.What I'm trying to say to all with lack of hope and a crushed spirit DON'T GIVE UP!Don't ever give up!.A year after the 2nd failed attempt with the tx(due to suicide attempt's,which inerferon is noted for)I got a call from my liver spec.after another biopsy which said that chirosis fibrosis had set in my liver and the situation was If I can't complete the tx I was going to die with-in a year.Being geno-type 1-A (the hardest type to treat)and having done the tx twice before(The liver mutates and builds up an amuneity to fight the inerferon after having it in my system)the doctor said for me not to get my hope's up because I only had a 5 percent chance of the tx working.I told the doctor don't throw in the towel yet because I was not about to give up!Like I said Been in remission for 1 year and 2 months now and did the last of my follow up's last month.They say if it don't return with-in 1 year there is a 95% chance it won't!So with my story I say again DON'T GIVE UP EVER!!! To all that wished me a happy birthday thank you!I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and have a safe an Happy New Year.George A.

George, When I read your 1st message I felt very heart broken and your pain, but I read your recent message and I was lifted. I’m happy that you did not follow thru with it. I hope you give us all a update of your journey, we all need hope. I am also geno-type 1A and at F-4. I started tx in May and have 3 months to go. This is my 2nd time around due to depression and lack of support. But now have a wonderful mate that has been with me every step of the way. Thank you for sharing your hope. Jan

George- Happy you're still with us.
I was suicidal during my 24 weeks on tx. Knowing that was a sx from the drugs kept me from actually doing it.
Congratulations on your success tx hep c & cancer.
Have a very Happy New Year & enjoy your new life!