Can anyone explain to me the difference between HOCD and being gay in denial?
You could read every other post on this forum. It is exactly about that question. It is a difficult one, and there is no way of giving you 100% certainty, because OCD doesn't allow certainty, but if we just take the definiton:
[dĕ-ni´al]
in psychiatry, a defense mechanism in which the existence of unpleasant internal or external realities is denied and kept out of conscious awareness. By keeping the stressors out of consciousness, they are prevented from causing anxiety.
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Now, given that definition, we can say that our situation is in fact present in our conscious awarness, and it causes us anxiety. Very much so in fact! You see, this form of denial doesn't possibly fit. So we aren't in denial. Surely there are other definitions, but the basis of all of them is "not dealing with something" or "not thinking about something", but we all are doing the exact opposite. We think about it none stop. People get nervous as soon as the anxiety subsides. People check if they get aroused by the same sex. etc etc Your OCD brain is forcing you to deal with a none existing issue thus of course creating doubt etc etc. Nevertheless, denial would mean, not dealing with it in any way. I think it is fair to say, that a person in denial would hardly have to compulsively force himself to face something.
Denial being that you are aware you do it and it feels like it fits your style, but ashamed to be judged by society so you just hide it and defend yourself to the very end to not be seen as gay
HOCD: you spend ours thinking what it would be like to commit gay acts, you start believing you are. Upon "acceptance" of "true sexuality" it does not stop and you continue to go on and on and on about how you think you are gay because you caught a glimpse of a guy. Often uncertain about orientation where as a gay person knows their orientation.
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