Can Exes Remain Friends

The topic of Can Exes Remain Friends has come up amongst my group of friends as of late, and it spurred quite the debate. It is pretty much split down the middle amongst my friends; there are those who think that it's totally possible and the other half thinks there's no way that exes can remain true friends.

Those who are for this have exes who are friends and it's a happy and positive relationship. Though, those who have not remained friends with exes do not believe that you can truly be friends because one side will always want something more and hold out hope for a reconciliation.

What do you think; can exes remain friends?

Sure - if you want to be friends with someone else's ex!

I saw a sticker that said:

"I ran into my ex the other day.....and I backed up my car and ran into him again."

Or another fave:

"I missed my ex....but target practice is helping me with my aim."

Guess where I stand on this question???

I'm not only still friends with my four major exes, I consider them some of my closest and dearest friends. My wife was not totally down with it when we first met but that changed, and the reason I think she came to accept it is because my relationships with them aren't daily or weekly things- I might talk on the phone with one of them just a couple times a year, or email only occasionally. it helps too that they're all married, with families. she has similar relationships with two exes herself. there's only one of the four exes of mine that make her uneasy, and she says it's because she's convinced that, in the eyes of this ex, I'm the 'one that got away'. I try not to validate this feeling of hers by protesting too much, even though I know it's not true. there's no changing her mind anyway.

at any rate, personally I would find it odd to have a very long intimate relationship with someone and then never want to speak to them again. these are the people who, at the time, knew you better than anyone, and vice versa. that's the kind of highly valued quality that we all seek out in a friend, and rarely find.

Ross, I'm really trying not to be defensive, and it's not working, but let one of your ex's beat the living crap out of you and see how much you still wanna be friends with them!

Hey Puppy,
It all depends. I think it would be impossible to break up with someone and immediately be natural friends with them because there is a history there, I mean you have a lot of things to get over.
I think the main question you need ask yourself when considering being friends with an ex is - if I saw this person out happily with another boy/girl...would I be happy for them?...if the answer is no then no you're not at the point of friendship.

And also on both sides you must make sure you're on a level playing field...does he/she want to be my friend because of some other reason?

Amicable friends? yes Christmas Card friends? yes...but best friends forever after you know in your heart it's over over...I don't really think so.

Hope this helps
Love to you
Moongal x

Whenever I think of being friends with an ex I think of that 80's song "keep me hanging on" i think it was by Cyndi Lauper. And it makes me want to run for the hills...but I do believe some people can really be friends...my exs were just douche bags...hee hee:)

The Supremes actually, maybe there was an 80s cover?

I can see why you wouldn't want to remain friends with such an ex. I wouldn't either. I've never been in that situation, on either side. I hope I never am.

That said, where in my post did you see me in support of abusive relationships? The second paragraph is kind of predicated on the assumption that the relationship wasn't somehow malignant enough to warrant good reason NOT to remain friends.

Either way, I wasn't for a moment trying to put anyone on the defensive, or to offend anyone, so I am sorry that I caused you to feel that way.

Beautiful Dizzaster, your first comment made me laugh out loud with your hilarious quotes and I totally understand why you feel the way that you do. I suppose it has a lot to do with how your relationship was on the whole and how it ended.

Ross, I really commend you for having such healthy relationships with your exes and it's great that your wife has come to terms with them. I am sure that it helps that they are married with families. I think that it's a lot more tough when the exes are single, then the question arises as to the intentions of why they are still in your life.

Moongal, I agree that a break needs to happen between the end of a relationship and the beginning of a friendship with an ex. I've seen exes break-up and keep the communication going without any break, and I've seen the turmoil and confusion on what exactly is going on. Thus, a break is a healthy way to move towards a happy friendship.

Dizzaster, NOW I get it, I think. I didn't even know about your first post, I thought your second post was your first post. So maybe it looked like I was commenting about you. I wasn't. When I started responding I assumed it'd be the first response. No offense meant, look at any other post of mine, I wouldn't be such a ***** as to suggest something like that about someone.

Aww Ross! I'm sorry I made you feel bad. I apologize for being ******.
It's just been a very difficult part of my past that I wish never happened. Sometimes I get bent out of shape about it.
You know everytime I finally forget about "asshole", some way, somehow he's thrown in my face again. This time it was my own mother and she did it in front of my boyfriend which REEEALLY made me angry!!!
It was your last paragraph that just kinda ticked me off.
I have to remember that not everyone understands as you have stated. I too, hope it is a pain you will never know.
I have read your other posts and respect your words and wisdom.
Truce? (waves white flag)

Truce, of course. and you weren’t being bitchy. And I’m sorry that the ‘asshole’ keeps getting thrown in your face, especially under those circumstances. Does your mom not know about how things were between you two?

Getting in on this late. Exes can be friends. It just depends on the two people whether this will happen or not. I remained friends with guys I dated and/or boyfriends from the past though I don't see any of them any more because I have long since moved away. Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't - just depends.

I agree, I really think that it depends on the two people, how they ended their relationship and if they are capable of moving on emotionally and separating the relationship emotions from that of friendship.