Can we have our transcendental cake and eat it too gag on that metaphor

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
1

you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.
~the rolling stones
********************************************
i loved jan's recent post referencing the eagles' song quoting: so often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.

how did these tastefully drugged rock singers cultivate such profound, lucid, and purposeful poetry? and through such prolific cultivation, do you think any of them reached the utopia at which they hint?

i couldn't help but wonder:
is getting what we want existentially equal to getting what we need- i mean if we have the key to our own chains, can we have our transcendental cake and eat it too? [gag on that metaphor]

sounds like running in a circle, tail-chasing. that whole *which came first* routine. sometimes i think i know what i want... or what i need... sometimes i do, in fact, feel *chained*....and i'd really like to believe that i have that key... but what i want and what i need sometimes overlap but most of the time conflict. and the chains rattle on.......

lots of questions tonight. not many answers. lots of directions. not many insights.

i WANT magic. no... i WANT to make sone sense of things. no.... i WANT a good therapist. okay, i think i have that... so.... i WANT to WANT to try.... sad. just unbelievably sad............ no... maybe i WANT to know HOW to WANT to TRY... yeah, that's it. [i NEED to get it together...uuugh]

thank you for reading. i've passively participated through reading, but responses ellude me. more confused than ever, i am exhausted and simply quite melancholy.

and my tail-chasing continues as my rattling chains of *want* and *need* collide [and **** eating that damned cake! yuck!]
xoxo

2

Amy: Wow. Once again a soul searching post. I don't even know what to say.....just that I can truly relate. I really can.

Love to you!

3

I don't want to try... :P What I want is to believe in my ability to recover. Which I now do. :) But in the beginning, it was more of a "fake it till I make it" strategy. I ACTED as though I believed recovery was possible. And that meant trying to do what my treatment team suggested. And then... Eventually, I got close enough to recovery to believe that it IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE. Huh! WOW! :) Not easy. Not even close. But POSSIBLE. :)

I believe in you, Amy! Even if you can't believe in yourself right now. ♥

...And I'm trying to remember this quote... Something like: The secret to happiness is not getting what we want, but wanting what we have. Mmmm... Does NOT apply to my ED!! ;0) BUT... To a lot of other things, it does... Staying out of the mall these days. ;0)

Love ya!!

Jen

4

please forgive my metaphoric word-vomit.
my ability to coherently express myself has been compromised.
i am not sure what i meant in this post... or what i need.
i do, however, appreciate your responses...
xo

5

On the contrary, I thought it was very clear. Maybe because I share similar thoghts all the time. Want to get well---afraid to get well----want to get well, etc. ad nauseum.
And I want someone to tell me how to want to get well.
Plus, I love the Stones.
So I believe in you too, Amy!