I am a Love/ Sex addict- I love to be with and pleasure both men and women. I don't consider myself to be a lesbian, Because i like receiving from men to much, maybe I'm Bi i don't know. It don't really matter. It seems like I meet someone and within a couple of days we are in bed, I just can't seem to get enough. I fall for the men quickly, i fall hard and fast. The women, I love the taste and smell of a woman, Love to please her in anyway she wants, Women know what women like. But I don't fall in love with them, it is pure lust. I love to watch a woman climax while I'm pleasuring her, I can about climax myself just watching her climax. Now with men, I'll be whatever it is they need, submisive, or in control, Ride or be road, I'm game! But like I said, when I'm with a man it,s not just sex. I fall head over heals for them. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I set myself up for another failed relationship. What is it about women that arouses me so much? To the point that I want to preform oral sex on them, yet I never intend to have anything more than friendship and awesome sex with them. My neighbor told me I was going to hell and that I was a home wrecker. Her husband has came by unexpectedly a few times and seen me once with another women in my living room, He just stood there at the door and watched for several minutes, before I said "well don't just don't stand there, come give me a hand" he just smiled big and told me he would talk to me later.I'm sure he didn't tell his wife, otherwise he would never be allowed to come over. He came once to work on my Garbage disposal, and I had a light weight see through sundress and no panties on. I just couldn't help myself, several times I stood over him while he was on the floor, on his back working on the disposal, I stradled his body between my feet to be sure he got a good look between my legs. At one point he grabbed my ankle, smiled and told me I was being naughty- that just got me more excited. I wanted to undo his zipper right there and sit on his visibly hard love handle,and ride away! It was all I could do to walk away.I don't want to break up anyone's marriage but if this handsome young man keeps appearing i might not be able to control myself. This kinda scares me, his wife is a beautiful young and perky gal in her 20's- I'm sure she keeps him satisfied, but I want to see how we compare. I know this sounds horrible, I know that I am not living right, I have gone to confession time and time again, and it is useless now, I feel like I'm going to go to hell. As I confess to the priest, I wonder how I'm making him feel, I wonder if he's getting horny! HELP, how do I change my thinking process? I would really appreciate any help or tips. Hope
I think your first sentence in this posting explains it all. You are a sex and love addict. This is an actual, legitimate psychological disorder that has absolutely nothing to do with morality. Granted, the behaviors you are engaging in might not be appropriate, but there are reasons why you do what you do.
The behaviors that a sex addict, or sex and love addict engages in are part of a legitimate therapeutic process known as "repetition compulsion". The basic idea here is that your behaviors will, in some way, repeat whatever abuses were done to you when you were a little girl. So, based on what you've shared here, I would assume that you had an absent or emotionally distant father, and that you were, at some point in time, sexually abused by a female. Those are the only two scenarios that make any sense.
If there was no father in your home, or if your father was emotionally distant from you, you would be craving any and all male attention you could get. And you would tend to "fall in love" with them immediately since you are actually looking for that unconditional love and acceptance you didn't get from your biological father.
The women are easier to explain. At some point in your childhood, a woman sexually abused you. You are repeating that abuse in some symbolic sense in an attempt to answer the question, "Why? Why did this sexual abuse happen to me?" But you never find the answer. In many ways, your behavior is similar to what we used to see in the older computers.
With these machines, you would program in information day, after day, after day, and it would all be stored in the computer's memory banks. Well one day, you ask the computer a question, and it goes to work looking through its memory for an answer. But it doesn't find an answer because the information you are looking for was never programmed into the computer. The machine, of course, doesn't know that, so it continues to cycle through its memory again, and again, and again, looking for an answer that doesn't exist. A sexual addiction works in a similar fashion.
You are looking for an answer to the question, "Why?", but that information isn't in your memory anywhere. You don't realize that, so you continue to repeat your abuse experience symbolically again, and again, and again, hoping to find an answer. But there is no answer because that information was never programmed into your memory. By getting into recovery, new information will be programmed into your memory, including the eventual answer to your question, "Why?"
So now, the question becomes how do you start a recovery program. As a general rule, I tend to suggest that newcomers begin by learning a bit about this disorder. And the easiest way to do that is to read about it. So with that in mind, I would like to suggest that you get hold of three (3) books related to sexual addiction.
The first book I would suggest is titled, "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction", by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. This was the first book ever written on this subject, and it is still one of the best ones out there. The second book I would suggest is titled, "Lonely All the Time: Recognizing, Understanding, and Overcoming Sex Addiction, for Addicts and Codependents", by Ralph Earle, Ph.D., Gregory Crow, Ph.D., and Kevin Osborn. Now these two books will give you a lot of basic information, but there is one major problem with them. They were both written by men, and from a male point of view. So, in order to complete your basic education concerning sex and love addiction, I am also going to suggest that you read, "Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power", by Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D. This book will explore and explain the female side of the equation. All of these books can be ordered from: www.amazon.com.
After you've read the books, you might want to take a look at an online program called Recovery Nation (www.recoverynation.com/). This is an online treatment program of sorts that works very well with sexual addictions. You can work the program exercises at your own pace, in the privacy of your own home, or, if you prefer, you can work with a mentor for a small fee.
The next thing I would suggest you do is to take a look at some of the Twelve Step groups that exist specifically for sex, or sex and love addicts. There are five (5) such groups that I am aware of:
Sexaholics Anonymous (S.A.)
www.sa.org/
Sex Addicts Anonymous (S.A.A.)
saa-recovery.org/
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.)
www.slaafws.org/
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (S.C.A.)
www.sca-recovery.org/
Sexual Recovery Anonymous
www.sexualrecovery.org/
On each of these websites, you should be able to find something called a "Where and When" list. This will be a catalogue of sorts that will list all of that particular fellowship's registered meetings. The listing will be indexed by state, and then by individual cities within each state, so it should be fairly easy for you to find a group that meets in your area.
If you find a group or two that would be convenient for you to attend, I would strongly encourage you to drop in on a few of their meetings, if for no other reason than to see what these groups have to offer, and to figure out if they would be of any value to you as a source of local support for your recovery. For whatever it's worth, the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous groups might address more of your core issues. Plus, there are usually more women attending these groups than the other programs, so you might feel a bit more comfortable there.
If there are no groups listed in your area, or if those listed won't work for you do to time conflicts, then be sure to check out the telephone groups and the online meetings. Information on each of these groups can be found on each of the above listed websites. But please note, the information shown on each of these websites will apply to the particular fellowship ONLY. If you want to get a complete idea of what all is available, you'll need to check each of the five websites mentioned above.
Now some people don't like the Twelve Step groups because they are always talking about their "Higher Power", and any mention of God turns these folks off. If you find yourself in this group, then consider checking out a program called "Rational Recovery" (www.rational.org/). This program works by first challenging, and then changing either your thoughts or your feelings. And once either of these has been changed, a whole long list of other things change as well: your core beliefs about yourself and others, your personal values, your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, and your behaviors. All of these changes result in your recovery.
Let me also give you three (3) mega websites that each deal with sexual addiction. There is an incredible amount of information here, so please, take your time reviewing things so you don't miss anything:
Sex Help
www.sexhelp.com/
Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
www.sash.net/
Sexual Recovery Institute
www.sexualrecovery.com
So there you have an explanation for your behaviors and some suggestions to get you started on a recovery program for yourself. I hope something here proves helpful. If you have any questions, or I can be of any further service, please let me know. I'm always happy to help in any way I can. Take care, and best of luck with your recovery efforts.
where from?
Tn. and you?
You can't seem to get enough sex? Congratulations for being a nympho like me! I can't seem to get enough sex either and I really don't know if there is a cure for nymphomania....
Tony Davis
Nymphomaniac
PS:No matter how many women I have sex with,even the ugly ones,I can never get enough sex! I'm sick and I need help,I need my medicine which is more sex please...lol...
girl, your alot like me, i to have had sex with girls and guys, but the difrence between me and you, i would have already had sex with that neighbor of yours, seems like since he keeps comeing over and seeing what ur showing, than he must want you too. and if i were you id give it to him, just to see what its like to **** a married guy, ive done it, lol. but thats not good advice, im sorry! its the addict talking, i to love having sex with girls, but i plan on being in relationships with guys, i have lead girls on, but i have also lead many guys on, i have fell "in love" with a guy after having sex with them, and for me it dont take days for me to get my point across, i normaly have sex with a guy the first time we hang out, even if i plan on just being friends with him, i have had sex with alot of my friends actualy.. and one time i perposely went and had sex with one of my old friend's bf just to rub it in her face, cuz i ****ed him b4 she did, im a cold hearted ***** and a sex feend and i know it, and i own it! but not that proud, i have cut myself to many times to count and hung myself (many failed attempts of suicide) i hate myself, and i feel like a *****, but i cant control myself..
Hey everybody,
I need to remind you all that this is a website for people who want to try and recover from their sex/love addiction. It is not a place to share your personal sex stories. It is not a place to try and find a new sex partner. And it is certainly not a place to be giving out your personal phone number and E-mail address. Such behavior is totally and completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated, from anyone. If you feel you can control yourself and behave as a responsible adult, you are very welcome to stay here. However, if you feel you need to resort to your childish little games, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave this site. Your kind of comments are not welcome here. Any further behavior such as the above will result in serious consequences.