Well I figured what first starts my depression. Feeling lonely. I am a stay at home mom on SSI for mental health. I never even had a job ever. Dont know if I ever can even have one. I dont even know if I will be on SSI the rest of my life. I feel useless. I feel alone. Everyone else says I wish I had your life you have it good! Yeah bull. It doesnt feel like it. I feel I havent accomplished anything. I feel lazy. I just sit at home by myself everyday. I hate being alone. I dont feel safe alone. Even in my own head. I hate not having much of anything to accupy my mind. Yeah I can read, I can watch movies. I can take a walk. I can do some art that I enjoy but It doesnt feel the same when it is with someone else to share it with. I do have a 3 year old that I do things with of course. But I need someone to be around my age also to be around to share it with. I have a man but of course he works alot. I have been feeling more lonely lately then ever.I get in my depression then urge to harm myself or wanna go insane. I am so all over the place.
Hi (((Faith))),
I am so sorry you are suffering with loneliness and deep depression. Being in that dark place where you are, and tempted to self-injure is very painful, and I have been there. I do understand. There is hope, as I am not there anymore, and I would like to support you. It can be so hard to find friends when you are not working or in school, as I can so relate to in my own situation. I am married and on a disability pension for mental health, too, and I have not worked since I was in my twenties. Those feelings of uselessness and worthlessness are so familiar to me, but believe me, Faith, your life is so very valuable. I did not find this value in my life until I turned to God, and this is not a message I wanted to hear. IF you do not want to hear it, I understand, and I still am here to support you. But I do want to tell you that my faith has made all the difference in the world to me, and if you want to talk, I am here and you can message me anytime.
God bless you. I will be praying for you.
bapearl
Thank you. I appreciate your help and your concern. I used to have more Faith (I even have my daughter’s middle name Faith) but I dont kow where it has gone. I really need it back. I used to pray I dont know what happened to that alos. My life is a rollercoaster.
I do understand, Faith. I used to be on a roller coaster, too, and some days I still can be. However, it is not nearly so bad as it was. Things can and will get better if we can take it one step at a time, one day at a time. It is good that you have not lost your faith, Faith, and it is normal to doubt and question at times, especially when things are really difficult and confusing in our lives. Sometimes life just doesn't seem to make sense. But hang in, my friend, and it will get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am so glad you are reaching out for support. This is a great community, and I believe you will find help and hope here. God bless you, and believe in that ray of faith that is inside! It will carry you a long time. God said we only need a mustard seed...
(((Faith08)))
bapearl
faith
im so sorry that u feel so out of it could u not go to the local community center and see if they need help or is there a local park that on good days u and the three year old can go to so u can have company of other mums in the area
i know i spend a lot of time in the park with my grandsons and chat to the dog walkers the joggers etc even if its a hi and smile it breaks the day up into manageable chunks leaving me less time to dwell on things
but be kind to yourself
love D