I wonder what it will take for me to have had enough to make change.....
I was going to email my best friend asking for help but instead I turn here. I am embarrassed by the amounts of time I have asked for help and have never followed through on the help that was provided.
when is it going to be enough, I wonder. Will the pain I feel ever get bad enough for me to want it to stop. what is it going to take for me to change. How much do i have to hurt and why do I allow myself to conitinue feeling such pain. I know there are no answers to this. It's up to me I have the control, I have the power.
FeaUC: I sure don't have the answer to your questions but I can definitely relate to each and every one of them. I hope both of us get to that "when" very soon
I think that if you wait for the time to be "right", you'll spend your life waiting... :0/ Looking back at my own journey, I think that it's less important to "want" to get better or "choose" to get better, than it is to act in the right direction... Follow the path of those that have successfully gone before. Trust that the light they shine for you is in good faith, knowledge, and with a generosity of spirit. ♥ Remind yourself often that doing things YOUR way was self-destructive. Put one foot in front of the other, blindly if necessary. You CAN recover!! :) I have COMPLETE confidence in you!! I don't think you need to choose to recover, right now... But you need to choose to act in that direction. Trust in the process. ♥
Hey Jen I am really intrigued by your words. Could you say more. The reason I ask is becuase if I ever was in a place to follow blindly this is it but i have some concerns.
In my head...(i realize a possibly disstorted place to hang out--but a funnnnn distorted place;)
....just going through the motions wont work becuase once there is a first roadblock what do you have to fall back on to keep going. I also keep remeinding myself that I am the one in control who is choosing to remain this way, a friend of mine thinks that this line of thought is leading me to spiral down in my thinking even more-- I thought I was just being honest..... any thoughts on that?
I think that we can think our way into trouble if we allow ourselves to do so… The anxiety of “but what will I do when…” or “if…” can immobilize us. Try to take things one step at a time. Stay in the moment. Just do “the next right thing” and try not to focus on the what-ifs… I agree that it’s important to have a plan, and I am NOT suggesting that you can do this alone… You need to surround yourself with people that can help, dear friend. Choose carefully, with that thinking brain, then follow blindly. Don’t out-think yourself. ;0)
FG....Jen made some great points (as usual!). You have to start somewhere, and waiting for it to FEEL right, or to not be afraid will never work. Taking steps in the 'opposite direction' of where you have been headed is a good way to think of it. I can't emphasize enough the importance of having professional help. The process will only defeat you time and time again without the guidance of someone who knows how to help you. This is critical.
I don't see you choosing to be this way, but your fear may be preventing you from taking steps for recovery. AND, you may just not know what direction to go, or what steps to take. That is why getting professional help is so vital!
I hope you will continue to share....Jan ♥
Hi,
I am in that exact place. I don't know what will make me choose health (even saying that scares me) I keep thinking it is going to come from some source outside myself. I have tried to do it for others, I have been forced into treatment, and I have chosen it for myself and fought it every step of the way. So now I am at a point where I may not have many options left. So I know it does make you wonder why we put ourselves through this. Letting go is not easy, but something in us has to change. I believe their is a rock bottom for everyone. I hope you and I don't have to experience that before we can accept help.
Choose carefully, with that thinking brain, then follow blindly. Don’t out-think yourself. ;0)