Caregiver support

My 50 year old husband was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma 4.5 years ago, had a left radical nephrectomy followd by a partial right nephrectomy; October 2009, he was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic cancer to lungs and lymph nodes.

Hi kbow, welcome to Sorry to hear about your husband's most recent dx. When you say 'stage 4 metastatic to ...' do you mean his kidney cancer has returned, or is there another primary site?

Unfortunately, it means that the kidney cancer has spread to his lungs and lymph nodes. In reality, it had probably already spread at his initial diagnosis 4-5 yrs ago, but was too small to detect until this past October.

I'm sorry to read that. And I can understand why you're so overwhelmed right now. Allow me to direct you to one of our support tips here for caregivers, which has a link to the National Family Caregivers Association. This is a very vulnerable time for you, and while it's easy to forget about yourself, it doesn't do anyone any good to do so.


Thanks Ross, I'll check it out!


Hi I can understand what you are going through my father was just diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. Actually I just found out today. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel better but for me just knowing someone may feel the way I do has already helped a little. I am sorry for you and your husband. Thank you for sharing.. Good Luck

I am going through a similar experience. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer that has spread to the liver and now to the brain.First he started chemo and now that has stopped and he will start radiation to focus on the brain tumor.It felt like I was driving along and without warning, hit a brick wall. Life before, and life after. Sort of like 9/11. I will always precisely remember the day and this event in my life.
You are going to do it anyway, but don't over-think the situation. Some things are not comprehend able and you will exert yourself to no avail.This wasted effort is emotionally and physically exhausting, and we cannot afford that right now.
I am doing much better after going through the shock and anger phase. Thrashing and railing against the unknown is rarely comforting or productive, but I think it is a part of the process.
One thing that has helped me is to go to his doctors with him and ask for an assignment. Feeling that I am a part of his treatment and can do something/anything concrete has given me a mission. He is the driver on this part of his life journey, but I am definitely in the front seat with him,along for the ride and I need to know where we are going. Then I have been able to let him go to treatments and make decisions with a lot more comfort.
The time in between finding out, and waiting to meet doctors, was the worst part SO FAR.