I'm on day 27 of sobriety from my opiate drug addiction!! Woohoo!! I am proud of myself for that, but MAN what a MESS I've made with my life. Just in the last 10 months, I have flipped my world upside down!! I'm facing them finally, head on. Legal, personal relationships, and health problems that all could have been avoided if I had've located my big girl panties months ago, lol! Anyway, can't change the past. Gonna focus on the present and future. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers!! Lots of love to all!!
Shonie, God bless you! what type of opiates were you on and for how long? How did it effect you? I am curious becaue my wife a alcoholic is mon hydrocodone and i believe hooked, tell me how it made you feel and how it changed you. Thanks and my prayers are with u!
Hi shonie, can you tell me what you were on and for how long? how did it make you feel and how did it change you? tell me how it effected you to. thanks! trying to help my wife, my prayers are with you and God bless!
Oh, Tony, God Bless you!! I was taking Hydrocodone and Oxycodone 10mg. I was on them for 10 months. I was taking about 30 to 40 of them per day. The bad thing is, I'm a nurse too, and COMPLETELY knew better. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis 10 months ago, and they started giving them to me. It doesn't take very long at all for it to get out of control. Especially, if someone is stubborn and hard headed like me, and has ALWAYS been in control throughout my adult life. Childhood, well that's a different story. I don't know much about your wife's situation, but most of us addicts have a lot of similarities. When I was using, I became COMPLETELY self centered, which is NOT normally who I am. I have also always taken pride in my appearance and personal hygeine, but for the last 3 months of my using, I didn't care about anything or anyone, especially myself. I was ridden with guilt and shame. I've always been a "people person" and very outgoing. I have stayed on the go my entire life, and could not stand to be "couped up" in the house. However, when I was using, I COMPLETELY isolated myself to my home. I wouldn't contact or respond to friends or family when they would call or come by concerned about me. I was unable to feel any compassion for anyone. All I was concerned about was when and where I was going to get my next pill. My poor husband got the worst of my acting out while using. He has always treated me like a princess (that's actually my nick name he calls me too!), and we had been inseperable from early in our relationship. I was hiding my addiction from everyone, INCLUDING HIM. So, it got to where his presence "interfered" with me drug addiction. I became cold and distant to him, and would intentionally make sure I was gone when he would get home. That was I didn't have to "deal with" any questioning or guilt that managed to occassionally break through the "numbing high" I had as a result of my opiate addiction. It's a painful thing for our loved ones to endure, and my heart is breaking for you. Another thing about me, I've been on both sides of the "Addiction" disease. A bit different, but my mother and father are both addicts/alcoholics. I hated them both for years because I didn't understand how they could put there child through pure hell as they did me. I SWORE I would NEVER be like either of them, and had actually convinced myself I was "Above Addiction" or immune to it, BECAUSE I KNEW BETTER! I set myself up for failure with that very mentality. Addiction is a nasty disease that eats away everything and everyone in the addicts life. When I was using, I didn't take care of anything, and I always have. I let our finances and credit go to poop!! 10 months ago, our credit score was 780. It is now 530. I have blown through all of our savings, either buying pills on the street, or getting "high" and going shopping. I have always loved decorating and have always taken pride in keeping my home imaculate. When I went into detox, my house was so trashed, I had to kick my way to the door. It's not a small house either. Around 5,000 square feet. That's A LOT OF JUNK/CLUTTER!! Today is day 28 of my sobriety, and I'm STILL CLEANING!! Lol! Anyway, I'm sorry to have rambled, but I know what you're going through. One more thing, you said your wife IS an ALCOHOLIC. A very common thing for us addicts to do is switch one addiction for another. Is she still drinking? Also, I don't know you're wife, and it may not be the case, but you know in you're heart if she's telling you the truth or not. Addicts are MASTER LIAR'S!! We get so used to lying to cover our butts, that it becomes a HABIT all of it's own. Don't be afraid to confront her, the truth is, if she's where I was in my downward spiral, I was relieved when my husband confronted and got me help. I was afraid to admit my mistakes, and it opened the door to come clean finally. However, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was READY to change. You're wife, if she's addicted, has got to realize and admit her addiction. Not only to you, but to herself as well. She's got to be WILLING to get better. I'm here anytime. I hope this helped.. Lots of prayers and love coming your way!!
God Bless,
Shonie
Thanks so much Shonie, God bless you 2, and I am praying for u! I could relate to so much you said. My wife is small and taking at least 7 a day of 10 mil. hydrocodone, for at least 3 years, slowly progressed. Dont really know how it started, she got into a minor fender bender and now uses that 4 reason to get more. You mentioned completely self centered, that is exactly my wife and that is not the true her, has to be the addiction. My 2 daughters just see the behavior and had it with their mom, they are 17 and 19, my son is 15, does not no much about it.
This acually makes my wife go out even more, she cannot sit still, goes 2 aa meetings etc. She dresses like my teenagers and spent thousands on herself through internet spending. She has not isolated, out 7 nites a week.
Interesting about your husband how you became cold and distant, exactly what my wife is doing to me and old aa friends who were cathing on. I pray for both of u! It does hurt so much, I am so glad you caught it.She is pushing a divorce and it is a mess. I go mto al-anon meetings which have helped and she knows the aa program so there is hope. Did you know that u were doing that to your husband, how did he react? I been telling my wife I still love her, I feel she has a terrible disease and hope this helps, what do you think? Trying to get her into rehab and slow down this divorce. Yes shem is a alcoholic, very bad for 10 years then hit rock bottom about 10 years ago, went to aa and did great for a while, then this, a freakin nitemare, dont know her real issues with me, would not go mto couseling, truly hurtful, a insane disease. I do not think she is drinking but who knows.
Thanks for being so honest, you really helped. I tried confronting her, maybe made it worse temperarily, but i do think she slowed down, my attorney asked for drug test and she came back "low" hydrocodone,I wish she knew how much i loved her. I am wondering if just leave her alone and hit rock botom but tough, we have 3 kids, custody issues will be hard.
Did you go to rehab. or detox? thank you so much and my ptayers are with you and your husband! You really helped! God bless!