Commitment to fight it for the rest of the day!

right, i have to write this before i lose the will.

it's alread 4.30pm here but i still need to commit properly to do this.
for the rest of the day i plan on not bingeing, not purging and not cutting. i'm dead scared. i know i'll be extremely anxious and i don't want my dad to see me like that, or even have a panic attack in front of him. there is so many reasons for not following through on this but I#ve got to do it nonetheless.

I'm scared too to not succeed and then having to admit to it on here. that would be the biggest failure ever and i feel if i can't make it tonight i won't make it at all. i know i'm already putting too much pressure on myself with this, but that's how i feel.

what might make it easier for me:
ANYBODY WANNA JOIN ME???

i'm hoping for your support today (not that i ever doubt it) but i know i'll need it desperately. just writing this and committing properly makes me cry. hell, this is so scary...

hey, im new. but good 4 u, im sure u can do it be strong!!!!!! think how proud u will be of yourself if u manage!!!!!!!

thank you for your support and welcome to the site :slight_smile:

waiting to hear your story soon!!

love
maedi

Maedi dear!
I am so proud of you for making the commitment to do this! I know you can do this! Just stay STRONG and stay positive. You are not alone. Just remember to eat until you're full and eat slowly so you feel more full. But also be sure to eat enough food so you aren't starving yourself! When you feel like cutting just get on this site so we can help you get through those negative thoughts!!!! You have every reason to be scared, but you are going to do great! We will be here for you and support you no matter what!! Let us know how it goes. <3

Much love!
Maggie

Maedi, I am soooo proud of you. I hope you know I'm right there with you, supporting you and encouraging you. I know it will be very hard but I also know that you can definitely do it. Anything I can do to help, just let me know! Message me anytime- I believe in you!!!

hey there!!!!!!! oh dont cry we are here for you--you know we are....

i know this is scary--maedi--but you can pull through this. it is soo ohard--i know! heck i even struggle with it to this day!

and dont you dare be scared if you fail----why would we think less of you? hey you tried and thats all that counts. but you need real real help maedi--for WHY you feel the way you do of yourself---you really need not suffer with all you do because there is good help out there. it might take some time to find but it is worth it.

we are here for you--and heck ill join you! ok ive been in recovery for a year now --but i also struggle sometimes...

so i think it is good as a reminder ---for even those of us who are in recovery---to make a pledge again not to give into ED ( liek they do all the time in AA). sometimes in recovery ---i forget casue i have been in recovery for a while now---

but it is good to take time out and remind ourselves--TODAY i will NOT give into ED!

so i join you ...hehehhe

love
maureen

thanks maggie, chelsea and maureen, you are true darlings and i'm so glad to have you here.

maureen, thanks too for joining me, i'll think of your fight when i struggle :-)

isn't it crazy to be scared of a few hours of a day? this is what ED does to us, turning strong women into fearful and gullible slaves. i simply can't believe this evil...

and i feel a hypocrite as one of the thoughts i have to get through this is 'i can still b/p tomorrow, it's only today'. is this wrong? i know it's just ED holding on to me, but it's probably the strongest motivation for me to bear it all.

Maedi,

those thoughts don't make you a hypocrite, hun they make you human. You are a hum an that is struggling with an ED and those thoughts are going to come especially when you are fighting like hell.

making it one day, a few hours, an evening...whatever the case may be is a huge success and ED is pissed. That is why those thoughts pop up in your head.

you are strong and we are all here for you regardless of what happens. we are here to support you when you are strong and when you are weak...that is what friends are for my love! so don't feel like a failure if you slip up...you are only a failure if you stop trying, and you haven't stopped fighting dear.

Beloved...you can do this and I believe in you.

~Ashley

awh ashley, these are the loveliest words and they mean the world to me. i hope you know that i can give them right back to you :slight_smile: so stay strong, honey!

you ladies here are really the truest friends, i couldn’t ask for more.

yes it is amazing as ED does want us to be his slave...

yes---- abrum is so so right ! these thoughts only make you human --as with being human comes weird messed up thoughts. but it is how you HANDLE your thoughts that makes the difference... how you cope...and that is why you need help to cope with your thoughts.

good advice abrum!!!!

lets be strong women today and ignore ED!

love
maureen

i might not be able to ignore it yet, but i'll certainly try to fight it, at least for now.

have to drive my mom to work so took off all make up and only wearing scruffy clothes so that i won't pop into the supermarket on the way back. incredible what little tricks it needs to outsmart ED...

hahhaha good one, maedi!!!LOL

love
maureen

Maedi, I knew you were smart!!

i'm sitting here too scared to get away from the computer because i feel if i now try to go to bed, it's over and i'll b/p.
i hate this and i'm not all good. i didn't think about it but i didn't include my OCD into my commitment so now i've got my tweezers here and pick at my legs.

this is just all too hard. how can you ever fully recover if you feel a few hours, one day will drive you insane? when you feel, maybe you make this one day but you can't go any further? isn't all this pointless? help me out of this.

why do i always feel so **** alone at the times i try not to b/p? it's like being alone on this earth. actually not alone but with only a person that you hate to the deepest depth of your soul.

i want this to end

I can so hear the struggle you are having in your heart. I know you want to make the right choices, but it is hard for you! Focus on the fact that you are trying, not that you fail at times. Overcoming and eating disorder and learning to give it all up is on the of hardest, if not the hardest, thing you will ever do. I want to give up, but thats not an option!! If you give up that will get you no where!! You are definately not alone in this!! We are all so proud of all the achievements you have made!

If you are hungry right now go eat something. Eat until you feel full and then stop and go to bed. Your body knows what it needs. Listen to it. If you feel like you are losing control and are going to binge then just set down your food. Think to yourself, "is this what i really want?" You can do this! I know you can. GOOD LUCK LITTLE LADY!!

Lots of love,
Maggie <3

my legs burn, all the sores.

i'm hungry so i go make myself some quark.
'no, you can't eat this, you already had way too much today. and you didn't even to enough cardio' but i only wanna eat 60g. 'that's already more than 50, and you had too much gum as well, go and run up and down the stairs you fat cow. you're useless, you're a total loser!'

i'm hungry and it's right there and it's only little. 'NO'

Oh honey, that just breaks my heart reading this! ED is such a little asshole and he deserves to suffer. The same way he's making you suffer!! You NEED the food, you need it to make yourself healthy. You need it to have energy. You need it to be happy. You need it to continue on this road to recovery!! Listen to the people on this site, who say EAT! We care about you and want whats best for you. ED wants you to slowy die and be miserable! Don't listen to him!!!

Maedi, sweetie, admitting a failure or defeat doesnt make anyone think less of you, so dont you EVER think that again...while offering our support here is great, we all joined becuase we had issues that WE also needed support on ♥

maedi you will get through this!

love
maureen

why does he want me to die? what have i done wrong? is it simply cause i'm ugly?

i've eaten my quark and i'm not running the stairs but i feel like the fattest pig ever. i can't stand this voice anymore. i wanna gl to sleep but i'm scared i'll even hear it in my dreams like always.

there never is any hiding from it, not even in sleep. only in death. i can't be dead though, i can't hurt my family.

i want all this to go. and even if i can sleep now and make it through the night, ED will be back as soon as i wake up again, and even stronger and more abusive.

which way leads to the light?????