Complicated issues

I’m here to talk about advice my therapist gave me. Please don’t shame me. I have had sexual thoughts toward family members, animals, and children. One of the reasons it happens with the latter is that my mind thinks if someone looks like a woman, therefore they are–leading to inadvertent attraction to children. One of my issues is that if I find myself attracted, even briefly, to someone that might be a child, I might act in a way to impress them. I am swimming in a pool, a hobby I started to cure my social anxiety and get me into healthier non-sexual hobbies. I see a kid to whom I experience brief attraction because they look like a woman. I move on. I see their mother, who seems like an adult; it looks like she could be the friend of a girl I had a crush on back in high school. I see the same kid again and it looks like my crush: therefore, I think it is my crush and her friend. As I’m swimming, I get the impulse to stretch my muscles to impress my crush; I resist initially but eventually do so. As I put on my glasses, I realize my “crush” was actually the mother’s kid. At the time, I thought that technically, I either committed a crime or officially became a molester.
My therapist tells me many things, but firstly that it was not a big deal. It was a mistake, he says, and a person can only react based on the information they have at the time. It is natural to want to impress (adult) women. He says unless I deal with this “gray area” of people’s ages, giving myself slack for acting on only what I know at the time, I may not progress. Besides, people often do not accurately assess others’ ages; he has said both that teenage girls look older than they used to and that some people may momentarily look at a teenage girl that looks much older–and then stop. Because they have moral boundaries.
It’s not easy. My first therapist was much stricter on my condition, though he was probably conservative and controlling and had his own sexual issues. My second therapist seems good, is well-reviewed, and another doctor told me in passing this therapist was good. There is a possibility he may be the right counselor for me. However, my second therapist did cheat on his wife with a client 12 years ago (three months after their professional relationship ended), was suspended and given probation of a year by my state’s counselor board. My question is should his advice be trusted based on his sexual past (if he was deviant in sexuality before, could he be now in someways?). Is his advice trustworthy of itself?

1 Heart

If your question is if they can be trusted, yes I think they can. First the relationship was quite a long time ago. It did not occur while they were an active patient and the therapists actions were dealt with by your States Licensing Board. If this was a professional issue of concern, their credentials would not have been reinstated. In regards to having a relationship outside of his marriage, I personally think that is a private matter. The question is do you feel comfortable with them? If you are not comfortable working with them, you don’t need a reason. The same applies if you are comfortable and feel like you are moving forward. I would base your decision on who to work with based on your results. Does this help at all?

1 Heart

Thank you, this is a refreshing perspective. Sometimes I feel comfortable, other times I don’t. It varies.

1 Heart