So my boyfriend suffer from severe depression on and off. Manic depression actually. I am in recovery from an eating disorder and have been falling back into ED behaviors. My boyfriend has seen me at my worst, but I went into hospital in the summer and have been falling back. Anyways, when he's not working he sleeps all day. He slept ALL day today and we just found out his si had a baby. He was still sleeping for hours after and later started packing his things to go clean his apartment (which he is never at0 because of guests coming. So I let him leave. He's staying in his car and texts me to go with him to the hospital but I tell him that his parents or sister didnt' invite me and I think he should go alone. HE then waits and threatened that if I don't go he will kill himself. I ignore him because he's threatened b4 and I pick him up and put him in bed and take care of him. He's taken care of me too when I was really depressed. But I ignored it this time and I got a few threats of suicide. After an hour of hium sitting in his car he comes back up and bangs on the door. I don't answer but he won't stop so when I open it he starts throwing things and breaking things and saying he's going to kill himself and that we r done etc. I just screamed because I honestly thought he was going to hurt me. I've seen that kind of anger before. I have a little mark on me when I was trying to stop him from throwing things, but I'm ok. He ran out and I was so scared I called the cops. They called his parents and now his dad won't talk to me. I ruined their night because they are new grandparents and I just don't know hwo to take care of their son anymore! Was I wrong?? Should I not have called the cops? I'm worried about him. Should I have gone to see his new niece with him? Was I wrong in not going? Also, I wanted to be alone to engage in Ed behaviors. Maybe he knew that and was mad about that? I dunno. I'm so upset and scared. Thanks for listening everyone.
Hi Shotime, I think that you can ask the what ifs, but the key is that you acted by what you were feeling at the moment. You did the right thing by calling the police, because if you were fearing that he was going to hurt you then that was enough reason to make the call. And in terms of going with him to see his niece, that's a tough one, because I'm sure that he wants you to be there because you're a big part of your life. But, if you weren't feeling up to it, then it was better not to have gone.
Have you two tried therapy individually or together? I think that it's wonderful that you two are so supportive of one another, but in a way I think that you two keep dragging one another back into depression rather than pulling one another out of it. It seems to be a see-saw effect with the ups and downs. Does that make sense?
Thanks puppydoglvr
I'm just I'm just still worried and concerned. I really thought that since his sister just gave birth it was a family thing. I spoke to his sister and dad over the phone and they didn't invite me. I just didn't want to intrude. I mean..I'm not family and I would feel uncomfortable. Anyways, I don't even think it was really that. He's been texting me tonight, but stopped. They were weird texts and now he won't answer me. I'm just worried.
I'm currently in individual therapy for my issues on eating disorder, depression, anxiety, trauma ...so I've been trying hard to work on myself. He just recently got a therapist who he hardly see's. But we have never gone to any kind of couples therapy...no. I do agree that we dragged each other into depression together. Maybe we will talk to someone (if him and I agree on someone and if he has time...). Thanks so much for your support. XOXOXO
I totally and completely understand that; I think that you did the right thing by not going to the hospital then. I would have done the same thing.
I think that you two truly love and care for one another, because you've been there for one another through good and bad times, and that's a relationship that will withstand the test of time. As long as he takes care of himself and works on himself. That's the key. And, I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself.
Maybe he fell asleep this evening or his phone's battery ran out. Pray and know that he will be okay. Please let me know how things are progressing for the two of you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Well, I tried to take care of myself yet I've been slipping lately. And I know he see's it. Maybe it's me? I asked him, but he said no it's not me. But maybe deep down he just see's it and I'm bringing him down because of his proneness to depression? I dunno. I'm worried about him. He still isn't answering. I don't have a good feeling. What if I made him worse! He's all alone his his apartment. Thanks so much for caring puppydoglvr. It means a lot. HUGS to you!!!
Hi Shotime, how are you doing and feeling today? Have you heard from him yet? Please don't think that you've made him worse or that you are bringing him down. I know that you two clearly love one another and maybe this tiny bit of space is healthy for the two of you. I think that it's all about the two of you working on yourselves while still supporting one another. Maybe if he would be willing to see his therapist more, then this would help him along. Is this something that he's willing to do? I just don't want him taking away from your time and treatment while your working on yourself.
I'm kinda blah. Thanks for asking. I missed an appointment this morning, but plan on going to class at least. I just feel like we had space in th epast u know..why now? Butwe will see. I think he might be willing to see a r I psychiatrist. I'll know more later I think.
Hello there! I am so sorry for how you are feeling, but I know that this will pass. Have you talked to your boyfriend yet? Maybe this will not be space between the two of you but simply just a moment, that's all. I am sure that all will be well. Please let me know how things are progressing for you.
Well I met my boyfriend after he was done work at a coffee shop. I tried to talk and he just told me baout his night at the hospital and how he's going back on his meds. He says he has an appoinment with the psychiatrist in 2 weeks again. Then we went to go see his new niece for the first time. He drove me home and came in to help me with my essay for schol. It was just weird. When we talked I asked him about us..and we both agreed on space. But for him I have no idea what that means. He's very hard to read, but we have been texting tonight. I feel like he has no one else to talk too and he does talk to me sometimes through texting. He hasn't slept over the past few nights, which maybe is good for us. YEt I'm engaging in ED behaviors more and other harmful things. WHen he was around it was miserable bec of the depression, but now I realize that I am sick too...again=( I'm slipping. THis whole situation is just really hard on me and i feel so alone.
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear that. If this is really bringing you down and dragging you backwards, then space is just what you need. Please don't allow anyone or anything drag you back or down. This is your time to get back on track, which you can absolutely do, and then continue moving forward. Your boyfriend needs to figure himself and his issues out without this back-and-forth. Trust me, I know how a relationship can cause a roller coaster ride of emotions, and it can really add so much stress and anxiety. My last relationship did just that; I was so stress and anxiety ridden because I never really knew where we stood and he was very hot/cold. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, my health suffered. None of it was worth it. I broke up with him because I realized that I am more important than any of that. I've never been happier.
Please know that you are never ever alone, we are always here for you.
I know space is probably a good thing, yet my binging and purging is getting worse. And other things as well. I just feel so guilty because no one is there to help him. His family is in denial! Him and I have been through roller coasters (when he was depressed and I was so sick with ED) Thanks for listening and caring. It means a lot. I have therapy today, so at least I'll have someone face to face to talk to.
I am so happy to hear that you have therapy today, because I am sure that it will give you a bit of peace of mind and guidance as well. Please know that I am here to "listen" and help in any way that I can. Let me know how you are doing.
Well I went to therapy and cried the whole time. I was scared to talk bec knew I would cry. I realized that I was really scared that night when my boyfriend lashed out and was threatening to killl himself bec he got aggressive and was destroying things.....which brings memories of my parents abuse. So i"m all over the place in my head. Went to buy some baby clothes for the baby and also used eating disorder behaviors and had a drink=( I still have an essay to work on for school but just cant focus. Sorry for venting. But thanks for listeing as always=)
Please don't apologies, I am here to "listen" and help in any way that I can. I am really sorry that you had such an intensely emotional therapy session, though in a way it's good that you were able to work through the emotions a bit and relate them to a past experience. I understand that your boyfriend is going through a lot, but I just don't like that he's triggering you. As well, it's not good that he got so aggressive. Please be careful and protect yourself. Also, don't be hard on yourself regarding the ED behavior; you had a slip-up, and now look ahead and you can get back on track. Please keep sharing and let me know how you are doing.
Thanks Puppydoglvr. I did go over to see the baby and bought 2 shirts and an outfit for her today. I just made it look like it was from my boyfriend and me and they assumed it was too (I didn't give a card...just wrapped it). But he was upset hat I didn't let him know my intentions. I did tell him I was at the store earlier picking out clothes for his niece. He says he doesn't remember the text. So I just it would be nic eto do what I did since I knew he hasn't had time to get anything. Oh well. He was upset for a second, and then said to just let it go. But I'm just upset because I feel like he just has been seeing the negative I do...and in turn I feel worse. He's here tonight cuz he asked to use my computer (as he has no internet at his apartment or tv). So I let him in which did help me to focus on some school work. We aren't talking much and when I do it just seems to be like he's hiding something or he's just really angry and sad all at once. I dunno. I'm tired yet I don't knwo what to say to him!! I'm so confused. It's just very weird between us..but I won't b/p tonight when he's sleeping at least. I know in my head I'm just going to hold off till I wake up=(
You did the right thing in calling the cops and the boyfriend needs therapy. You need help too. Listen hon, I'm gonna give it to you straight..I've been around the block a few times and been in abusive relationships...I feel you need to get out of that relationship. It is not a healthy one for either of you. You both have mental problems so you are not good for each other. You need to get well so if there is somewhere else you can live other than with him it would be better. (I am assuming you live with him) He is unstable and if he is constantly threatening suicide that is no way for you to have to live. I know you may care for him but I just don't see any good coming from you being together. Sounds like a train wreck about to get even worse. Let his parents take care of him, he is their child. Take care and hope you get better.
Thanks scorpio (I'm a scorpio!) . Yeah...he doesn't even live with me anymore but he's always here. LAst night he was up all night on my computer doing work. He doesn't have one of his own. I want to be there to help him and I'm so close with his family as they have helped me too, but there's only so much I can do. He only recently has been threatening suicide. I'm hoping he will notice that he was wrong. He did say he needs to get me a new shower curtain (since he broke it). But I haven't been going to his work. I just see him after wards. It is a train wreck now..also I'm codependent and need him in a way. Without him I feel even more lonely. And he helps me with my school. There are good things. But he does need help too. I got help, but am fallling back yet again. He is on meds now, I hope that helps him. I guesss I'll just see what happens. I dunno. Just still confused.
Hi Shotime, thank you for the update. I am really sorry for his reaction, but based on his recent behavior it doesn't surprise me at all.
I have to agree with Scorpio; I really think that you are so much better off without him and you need to focus on yourself. You two are really dragging one another back and down. This will be a continual cycle; once you're feeling better, then he will bring you back down and vice versa. You need to individually focus on yourselves.
Please know that you deserve the world and beyond, and he doesn't deserve you. You are too kind, caring and giving, and he unfortunately doesn't see that.
I don't know how to live without him though=( Just being honest. I mean, he has been there for me when I was at my worst. I'm just scared. His friends are my friends. Without him I will be totally alone. I know this is sick..but sometimes misery is company=(
Hi shotime! I'm a Gemini and my Moon is in Scorpio. I feel more like a scorpio though. We feel things VERY intensely, right?! A curse sometimes. Well, I think you are avoiding the inevitable because I don't think you are better off together. Do you have any family around to support you emotionally? I'm glad he doesn't live there. We know you are suffering from low self-esteem. You alone have to make your own decision about it though. I think he is making you more sick mentally. You might be suprised...once he's gone you may be much happier and wonder why you stayed with him as long as you did. You said he helps you with school and that's really good..but there are other people like tutors who could do that also. Well, you alone have to decide what to do I'm just concerned. If he is threatening suicide that is bad. I would tell him over the phone that if he ever starts throwing stuff around in your apartment ever again, or verbally or physically hurts you again, or threatens suicide then you are through with him and it's OVER as you can't take it any more! Hope you can get better with your eating disorder and conquer that. That's awful. I think you are not doing each other any favors by being together, you both are too sick right now. You both need to be around stable people. Hope you get better.