I really don't know what to do right now and am just looking for some sort of help. Here's the story.
My Dad has been dealing with alcoholism since before I was even born. I am nearing 22 and for the most part of my life I have known nothing about it. I only learned at around age 15 or so when I found a letter in a filing cabinet to my Dad from my Mom. In short it said she needed for him to get help otherwise she was taking me and leaving him. He did get help because of his love for me and his two other children who would come soon after.
I realized different events from my past where I could have seen it but never did due to a pretty sheltered childhood. Random events where I remember him going into the woods to retrieve a bottle in a brown bag for one. Well, in the past few years he has been having problems again. He has had a few very scary relapses where my mom has found him passed out somewhere and such. I wasn't living at home during most of these so I have still been sort of sheltered.
I know my dad's problem with alcohol was with liquor so we don't keep anything hard in the house. We do have beer, which he drinks occasionally. I'm now guessing we need to get rid of that too in order to keep him away from it all. I just don't know what to do because I only know very little history in comparison to my mother and even maybe my younger siblings. Other than that I really have no idea what to do. I'm afraid to tell my mom because of how much she worries already. I don't think he wants me to tell her either.
This morning he came into my room and told me he was scared of how he felt and didn't know what to do. He said he was sick. My dad isn't one who lets out his emotion like that, he is usually reserved when it comes to emotions. I've seen him excited and mad about football games or politics, but never about himself. When he came to talk to me he looked sad and stern. It's just not a look I've seen before.
I just want some help to figure out what I should do. I've looked into AA meetings nearby and will offer to go with him if he wants. It's just a scary step to be taking.
Welcome to SupportGroups.com, is a wise decision in finding a resource for him to attend, I am hopeful that happens ASAP. This is up to him to do whatever is necessary to battle this & would be wise to not police him in reference in trying to keep him away from any & all alcohol cause again its up to him to do that. If hes scared you & family can support him by not enabling/co-dependenting him but rather just being there for him to talk to. He should see a doctor to find how much damage has been caused from all the years of drinking & an MD would be capable of leading him in the right direction for assistance to begin. My heart goes out to you & we're here to listen/talk with when you feel like it.
Take care of you.
April
Thanks April. I have spent the majority of the day with my dad to keep an eye on him and show him that I am here for him no matter the problem. I have also been talking to a friend who is a social worker for some advice. My dad and I have talked a bit since I posted and i am trying to help him out. Currently it is just me, my mom is stressed and not helping the matter. But stress is what brought it all on so I am helping him relax and work on projects that are stressing him out due to overload. The goal is to talk about AA and seeing a dr soon. I just want to ease it to him so not to panic/stress him out. I have a really strong bond with my dad so this is really scary for me. Seeing him so upset and not well. But I'm really glad to help him how I can. But I know this is too big for just me. And I need my mom. She's not making this easy on me.
Hi ConcernedKK, Taking him to AA - http://www.aa.org/ if that is what he wants, sounds like a great idea. I also agree about him seeing his doctor. On the link I gave you they also have the literature online that you can read. Also for you and your mom, may be check out Alanon - http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ for help and support for you both. If your dad is talking and wants help then I would jump on the idea immediately and take action. He is lucky to have you. Keep us posted on how you, your mom, and your dad are doing. We are here for all of you. ((((hugs))))
ConcernedKK, bluidkiti offers excellant links & advice I'm hopeful you have time to check into it & begin the journey. I sense your mother has resigned herself from the situation (detached) many years ago & I only understand this by my own 19yr. marriage (hes alcohol dependent w/many personality disorders)your mother has built up alot of resentment & emotional pain & is probably very scared of the situation STILL so would be wise to focus on dad getting somewhere quickly to begin detox & then later on if you or your mother descide to seek support for yourselves it would help all surrounding this unfortunate issue so that it will not be repeated w/the next generation.
I had to at a point let it all go as there was nothing any longer that I could do to assist/support my husband & decided to not do damage patrol & learned if he wants to kill himself w/alcohol in his own home then fine BUT when he steps foot out that door it endangers EVERYONE then, it sounds harsh & I'm sorry for that but its very necessary for them to take responsibility & am sure you can relate a lil bit w/what your mother has endured through the years.
Your in my thoughts.
April
Thank you both for your advice and comments. Right now we are just taking the days as they go. My dad is fully aware that I am here for him. He went back to work today after resting and recovering from his spill with alcohol over the weekend. Him and I are going to talk more over the weekend about long-term plans/goals and AA. I am still trying to get my mom to realize he is trying now. He was a lot worse off when he had his problems back before I was born and into my birth. I think my mom is just afraid and doesn't want to go through it again. Especially since my brother, sister and I are all in the years of leaving home. My brother and I left and came back, sister leaves next year. I'm not home for long though. Which means he can't talk to me, I work very far away and contact is hard.
So for now it is just take it easy. I am trying to help as much as I can with the extra stress that I can help with, housework or other projects.
And April, we know how far we can go to help him, if he eventually does not want help and gets back to the point he was before my mother will let go of him. I'm not sure about myself for now. But I think he will be alright. Luckily I do understand what he is going through and can relate. I have my fair share of problems. The genes involving alcoholism have been going for a long time on his side of the family. I have had problems with alcohol too and stay away from it myself. I also was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few years ago. I think its part of why he chose to come to me. I've always been his little girl. Shoot I was born on his 30th birthday. But yeah, we'll see how things go.
Oh, and Bluidkiti, thanks for the al-anon/alateen website. I forgot all about that program. Back in high school a few of my good friends were in the SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving) club as president and VP. I remember learning about alateen and it provided me with a lot of help when I had found the letter about my dad. It's really great.
We'll be thinking of you honey & we all understand its a life long struggle. Thanks for the update & we're here for you.
Big HUG, April