Confessions

this is kind of a hard thing for me to say. but i think that i am depressed. (hey 1st step to recovery is acceptence right?) my depression really started a couple months ago when my boyfriend of two years and i broke up. i never let anyone know just how badly i got hurt. i internalized most of it.
and i dont really want to talk to my mother about it because im supposed to be the good one in the family, the one who does everything right. i have never been really open with my parents becuase they are never open with me. i dont get the permission to be trusted with information becuase all they think im going to do is go and blab it. the people who are supposed to love me the most wont even talk to me. it hurts, especially when they talk about divorce and my mom saying she deserves happieness too.
i cant even talk to her about going to a freaking therapist. i know that she feels offended by this becuase i know she gets hurt that i dont want to talk about things with her or with my dad. but i really dont want to, if i wanted to talk to my parents i would, but i have just been ignored and hurt so much i dont want to trust them with these feelings. i mean i love them, but i really dont want to talk to them. they dont even sleep in the same room anymore. somethimes im the one who has to be the adult in the house, when they start arguing, i have to yell at them to stop and see each others side to what they are fightng about.
bottom line, idk what to do. i feel lost and there are no people around me that i think i can trust to talk to. not my parents or my friends.

Asthen, welcome. You have quite a bit to deal with at the moment. I'm glad you found this site. This is good place to be.

We are not therapists, but people who have all shared and lived through all sorts of experiences in life. I believe wisdom gained from life experiences and differing perspectives from others can often offer the greatest advice.

I am so sorry that you are going through so much heartache right now. I know it is difficult, but you have found a safe haven here. A place where nothing is taboo to talk about and you can pour your heart out freely. A place where you can be supported and loved.

So let's tackle one thing at a time. Tell me, what is causing you the greatest heartache? Let's start there.

thats a hard one. i think its a tie between my lost faith in my friends, how they just keep letting me down and dont have another thought about it and my slef confidence issues. its really hard. i was told in the eight grade that i was boarder line obese, and something like that does not go away. when i look in the mirror i can only see my faults, even when other people see results. getting really anxious whenever someone looks at me, or stares at me does not help at all. it makes everything worse.

Oh sweetheart! You are beautiful! Listen, I am obese myself. Always have been. Fat baby, fat kid, fat teen, fat adult. You have to change your thinking. Changing how you think can have a significant impact on our lives! At 36, I am just figuring this out! If you can learn this now, you will be ahead of the game! Think healthy, NOT thin!

I recently posted some videos on here, you should check them out, they may help you realize your own beauty.

As far as your friends go, why do you feel they are letting you down? Did something in particular happen or do you know the reason for their behavior?

they just never follow through and one of my friends goes out of her way to make sure that i dont meet her "not" boyfriend who i was supposed to meet two years ago. and for halloween two of my friends and i were going to be the three muses u know the greek goddesses? well yesterday i asked her if she had gotten her costume yet and she said "No, i dont think that we are going to do that anymore." just like that. and this was the first i was hearing about it. that was not cool in its self, not to mention that my mother had already gotten me two greek goddess costumes! and she will just ignore me if i dont say hi first.
i have moved around a lot, 6 times since i was born and im only 17, and over the years i have made and lost, made and lost so many friends that now i just think "if they dont want to try to do things with me, or its always just me doing the inviting are they really truly my friend?"

Ahh sweetie, it's not you. Genuine, self-less and truly loving friends are so hard to find these days. I have lived in the same town all my life until 9 years ago. I have seen many friends come and go.

You are lucky in life if you find ONE honestly faithful and loyal friend in your lifetime. When I was in high school my closest friends were mostly guys. I have 2 very close friends in my life right now one I work with and the other is online and lives cross-country.

Life changes people and relationships. I'm sorry the other girls are being so sucky. Females are ****** and catty - they always are. Hence my only having 2 close female friends.

I had a best friend for years, we met in 8th grade and were close up until we both got married. But I can't even begin to tell you how many times she had hurt me and let me down. I realized in the end - it was a one-sided friendship. Live and learn.

Hang in there! Hugs to you!

First off, sorry for everything that's been going on with you. You're in a situaton with a lot of pressure involved and that sucks, I understand.
The parents thing, I get. A lot of kids have situations that are just not easy to talk to their parents about. They don't want to talk to them about it. It doesn't mean your any less of their daughter to not talk to them about something like that. And, that itself puts a lot of pressure on them. My parents have put me through two different perscriptions for anxiety, and its been hard for them to find the stuff that doesn't drive me nucking futs.
As for friends, just give them some time.One of my best friends is a habitual marijuana smoker. Kid can be unrelaible sometimes, but all in all, the good out wieghs the bad, and your just going to have to decide that for yourself with your friends.
You're just having a rough stage. You're seventeen. It sucks. High school sucks, believe me, I know.
You'll be laughing about all of this in a few years.

Hey,
I understand how hard it is to talk to parents about things. Right now I'm having a hard time talking to anyone about anything. I just feel that no one understands. Which, in all reality, they probably don't. My parents fight all the time, and sometimes my mom vents to me, but honestly, I don't want to hear it. I don't like hearing the negative things all the time. I think going to a therapist would be the best thing in that situation. It would be someone you don't know, and that wouldn't tell everyone about what you are going through. And you can tell them anything which is what we need sometimes. Just to vent to someone that won't judge us.