Hey everyone,
I'm sure if you've kept up with any of my posts you've learnt a bit about me - if not here's a quick summary:
Beginning in Jan of this year I weighed more then one hundred and thirty pounds then what I do today. I lost weight and developed this nasty ED. Friends/fam/co workers started to show concern in about may when they rarely saw me eat. I creatively convinced everyone I did eat, they don't spend 24/7 with me so how would they know?
I knew it was a problem when I spent more time at the gym daily then at work. I sought help, am in group and on the wait list for several inpatient care facilities. Except now its gone from not eating to fine, I will please u and eat something but ill purge right after.
Only a handful of people know. When my bf found out he broke up with me. My best friend is alsp bulimic but not seeking help nor does she want too and I confided in 4 other friends. 2 of the friends say its too much to deal with; the other 2 try really hard to be supportive.
I guess my question is how to form a support system without ffeeling like a burden to ppl?
What you need is a way to develop a circle of people you feel comfortable talking to. All your friends don't need to know... maybe only a few of them. I've found that people tend to take it to extremes when they admit to people that they need help. It just looks like you're out for attention that way. Maybe if you quietly take someone aside and tell them what's going on, they will take you more seriously and actually try to help. A support system can even be people you've just met! Try getting involved more with online blogs. Talking to people with similar problems helps me, and I'm sure it will make you feel better as well. Congratulations on losing the weight, but you and I both know that the first step to fixing a problem is recognizing you have it. So I give you props for that! It took me a long time to admit to myself that I had a problem. Mine is the opposite... I binge eat and feel BEYOND guilty afterwards. Sometimes I wish that I worked out obsessively and ate very little simply because it's burned into my brain that I look terrible, but I know that there is a way to make my life happier. It's just going to take time.
I definetly didn't put on a show and make a big elaborate production about confiding in them about my ED. I'm 26, most of my friends are in their 30s. I told each of the ones I did privately, seperately and in a discreet way.
I just think its interesting that my bf broke up with me, thanks for being my rock and that 2 of the 4 friends found it easy to walk away when the going got tough. Maybe not such positive influences in my life afterall.
I've been there too. I just recently lost literally ALL my friend except my boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn't even know about my ED. Take it as a way to weave through the good friends and not so good friends. Sometimes it takes being knocked down to get back up 10x stronger. It will all work out.
just reaching out here Lilac is a great way to have support. some of the time everyone's emails keep me going through the roughest of times. i used to feel like it was a burden to ask for help but after a while my therapist and in my group we started to think you know what its okay to burden people. we are worth it. you are worth it. starting with us is great because we are safe. we've been through this and are going through this.
then start with just a few people in another group maybe outside anonymous meetings if you want. any place where you can be yourself but have no worries of people hurting you or your feelings more.
be well
I lost a lot of friends through my ED and depression, too... I'm now in a better place... My confidence has improved and I'm feeling happier and more stable. I'm able to take some small risks without totally melting down. (Sometimes.) ;0) I'm starting to make some new friends. And my best supporters are fellow sufferers... My EDA group has been great! As has THIS site!! ♥ And slowly, as my own confidence and inner strength improves, I'm starting to reach out to some of the friends I thought I'd lost... Turns out I DIDN'T lose them... I was just so isolated in my ED that they didn't know how to help... I also find it's easier to talk about things now that I'm coming OUT of the hell hole... There's less shame attached, somehow, and MUCH less fear of failure. ♥ That lends me greater self-confidence when I DO choose to confide in others. And I think that they, in turn, feel less alarmed and less burdened...
I agree with the others... You've taken a great step by starting to write here! :) Maybe there's a support group you could join in your area as well? I really hope something turns up for you in-patient soon... It's not at all uncommon for an eating disorder to shape shift after a while... I know that doesn't make it any easier... But perhaps it helps you to feel less alone. ♥