Confused I knew at a young age I was into girls never could

Confused I knew at a young age I was into girls never could connect with guys like I could with a girl I fell in. Love with this amazing girl and I pushed her away and tried to be what my mom wanted me to be she is against anything. That is different than her. She caught me with this girl and I pushed her away and my mom beat the mess out of me for making out with a girl for years I tried to be what she wanted me to be but that didnt work now I have 3 beautiful kids and I am so happy but then I feel so alone I know I am a lesbian

Are you alone? Or are you with the father... but, still feel alone? Either way, I know how you feel.
I messed up a relationship as well... now, he has found someone else... but, I was an idiot.
I kept listening to a friend... a male friend... who kept saying things about the guy I loved... (like your mom did to you) I'm so sorry for your loss... but, I'm glad you have three beautiful kids to love and treasure...
Try to focus your energies on them because they won't be young for long... then when they get older they have their own life... like mine do... and mine no longer have any time for me...