Confused wife

I've been married for about 8 years now, my husband prior to us getting married he was addicted to drugs, during the 8 years have been a battle with that addiction, now I decided to separate back in early this year, but we only ended up doing it for two months, I felt bad and took him back, after I took him back I regret it. He's been clean from drugs for about 5 months now. But I just discover during the past 4 months that he has been going online and pay a membership to chat online with women, I think it's porno. I was able to retrieve a report of the website he goes to, and I realized everytime he has money he goes in and spend from 5dollars to 49.99 in tokens to chat with those women.
I have been monitoring this, and I confronted him once about it, and he denied it and we had a big argument 'cause he said I was accussing him and then on the next day, he admitted that he's been going online because since we got back together I don't give him much attention. My attitude has been different since I took him back even though he's not doing drugs no more, but I lived for 8 years with that drug addiction and now, is like he replaced that for the online sex thing. Should I feel guilty for this, I really gotten to the point where I don't feel like being close to him at all. I want to just let him leave his life, and get a divorce. After I confronted him and he admitted it, he promised he won't do it no more, after that another month has passed and he keeps going online and pays for whatever he does. Need some suggestions, does anyone think this is replacing the crack cocaine addiction? I'm opened to receive any opinion. Thanks

laupa

Yes I think he is replaceing one addiction for another. And I would say like most men when he says he promises he won't keep doing it he will in my opinion. Its up to you, you could wait and see if he can stay off of it and if you catch him at it again call it quits. Maybe suggest counseling to work through your issues together. But if your feeling like the connection is gone and you want to move on only you can decide whats right for you.
I will say my ex was addicted to sex and was into other things and I kept takeing him back it was a viscious cycle and after every promise he made he continued to hurt me in the end. I have read that sex addiction is often compared to drugs

this is what I found
Myth: Pornography is not addictive. Pornography is a powerful form of sexual education. Not only does it drastically shape our beliefs about sex, but it does so by tapping pleasure chemicals in our brain to reinforce those beliefs. Dr. Jeffrey Satinover writes that “modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction.” When we return to porn again and again these pleasure chemicals in our brains pave a neuro-pathway that make us more and more dependent on the sexual stimulus. Just like a drug addiction, it is more toxic the more we consume. Just like a drug addiction, it leads us to crave greater varieties and amounts of the stimulus. It is very common to find pornography viewers moving from soft-core to hardcore, to other outlets such as phone sex, cyber-sex and other forms of acting out.

Hope this helped in some way

laupa, anonymousgirl is telling you like it is & yes HE is replacing one bad behavior w/another & as advised should seek counseling if affordable as they will be capable of getting to the bottom of whats really going on & start suggesting treatment/behavior modifications that may help. This is something HE has to do on his own, noone can do this for him as w/any addict otherwise you border enabling/co-dependenting the situation further.

We're here to listen/talk with when you feel like it, would be wise to focus on you if at all possible & stop the cycle of doing damage patrol as that will exhaust you further.

Take care of you.

April

It is not healthy for one partner to find sex otherwise then the other partner. What happens is a loss of interest. Dealing with I am going to assume is "Webcam girls" where you pay a certain amount to get them to do things.

Combine that with a bad drug usage. You do have a serious situation on your hands. I'd suggest what the poster above me is suggesting going in and talking to someone who can help repair the bad damage.

Remember he has to be the one that wants to change because he wants to be with you. That's what finally snapped me out of my Xanax usage even though it was legal. I didn't want it to control my life and make me a zombie.

But as much as you protest he has to be the one that wants to get off it as much as you want it off it. Open communication is a key in any relationship and it looks like a barrier that isn't going to get better until he takes accountability of his actions that effect you

Yes, I have been with my boyfriend for around 9 years, he is kindof like a narcisist. We have been intimate in many ways with dreams, etc. When we moved to washington, he did not bother to get his divorce, and my dad kicked him out of the house. So we have been going back and forth for around 3 years, he would always go out without inviting me, and saying bad things about me. Well things seem to be improving when he got the internet in march. Then he started on the internet dating stuff, he has like 20 profiles posted even some porn spots, and he kept denying it and saying the companies send him the stuff. Well then he got violent, when I "found out" more about it, he was paying for it and I got his passwords. I got his computer monitored, and I wouldnt speak to him for 3 months. He came looking for me saying I miss you, I love you, and he promised that he took off all of his profiles. I found out he had not, and he still is trying to hookup with girls giving out his phone number, address etc. and even wants to marry a chinese girl. So I am going to give him his clothes and tell him not to call me until he really decided what he wants. I have been through HELL WITH THIS. And he lies about everything, to them, to me and always changes his story. I hope he gets the **** scammed out of him and ends up with nothing. Because that is what he left of us. My advice, do not put up with these stories and promises, it is not GOOD FOR US, AND OUR HEALTH AND IS HIGHLY DISRESPECTFULL. If given the chance, he would jump at the chance with another girl.

pnw gal, welcome & glad you got that out of your system & you expressed yourself so well I might add. From what you described you've learned by your mistake & will continue to learn about yourself so as to NOT repeat surrounding yourself w/this type of person or people in the future.

Take care of you.

April