Hey Everyone,
I am new to the group and still nervous to post anything.
I got married in November 2006 and divorced 8 months later. So, it has been about 3 years since the marriage and I am still having major problems because of it. My ex husband came home from work one evening, went out with his friends, called me later that night and told me he wanted a divorce. He wasn't willing to talk things through and so I moved back to my parents. I fought for a man that I loved, when he wanted nothing to do with me. To make it worse, I had no idea that we were having problems THAT bad, I went to work that day, asking for info about my insurance and how much it covered when it came to a pregnancy. :( So after I moved out... I went back to the apartment to get my things, I found my camera had pictures of him and his best man's sister, kissing and cuddling at the same hotel we went to for our honeymoon, just 8 months earlier. Turns out, he asked for the divorce on a Wednesday and by that Friday, he was in Vegas with his girlfriend. Sending her flowers from our joint bank account. Ugh. I did whatever I could to break all ties. We don't share anything and the last time I heard from him, was a few stupid text messages in 2007.
I do not care for the man anymore, but I am having a hard time getting over what he did to me. I now have a problem with trusting any man... fearing that he will be unfaithful to me like my ex. I know that it is not fair for me to pre-judge another man for the actions of my ex... but How do I get over feeling like the next man isn't going to crush my heart. Let alone, accepting that any man even wants to be close to me.
I feel like a train wreck at night when I am all alone and this past week has probably been the worst week ever. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, mainly because I don't want someone to have to worry about me or put a burden on them for trying to help me.
Wow. That must feel good to get all of that off your chest. I know what it feels like to lose all faith in mankind. We put all we have in our relationships and open ourselves up only to be hurt, Trust is something that must be earned and not taken lightly. When we lose the ability to trust we lose a big part of ourselves. It is not easy to learn to trust again but if we never take the risk we could end up losing more.
My advice is to take relationships slowly and with baby steps. If and when you find a true friend they will not hurt you and will understand.
Try not to let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch. Don't let yourself be defined by one relationship that went bad. And most of all put the responsibility where it belongs. On him and not you. he cheated and left you. Do not punish yourself for his poor character.
Your life is ahead of you and I hope it is a happy one. I will be thinking about you and praying that you will be able to move on and find happiness.
When my husband broke the terrible news of wanting a divorce, I was devastated. I felt alone, embarassed, anger, sad and confused. That was 4 months ago. I went through huge roller coaster rides everyday. I do not know anybody that I could trust around me. Finally, I told a few people who are colleagues. To my surprised, they comforted me. These people cried with me. They gave me valuable advices. I didn't think anyone cared. Believe me, there are people out there who care for you. Just start with one person that you like. Not one person that I told has stayed away from me. In fact, they are the one who call constantly to reassure me that I am not alone. Please do not keep this to yourself only. Just tell one person that you trust most. I can almost reassure you, the person will feel honored that you trust her enough to expose your vulnerability. If you are not sure who to tell, just keep posting here. The one week I've been in this site, I had strangers showing me love and support. Remember, you are not alone. I hear and feel your pain and sorrow. I send you my prayers, love and strength.
I can totally relate to you about having no one to talk to about all the feelings and emotions that we go through on a daily basis. It probably feels like your ex is going out and having this great life while you are at home struggling to get through the day. And then when you need a shoulder to cry on, you look around and find yourself alone talking to the cat(or at least I do, but I don't think Kitty minds). But the great thing is there are always support friends on this site to turn to.
What you have to realize is that he has moved on and is living a fun life, and you deserve one too! There are sooooo many great guys out there that are looking for a woman who can commit themselves to a faithful relationship, you just have to get out there and find them.
Good luck on your journey and I'm here for support.