Consumption

bulimia consumes my mind and body, food and my appearance is all i can ever think about. I feel as if it's hurting my job because its all i can think about. ive developed a new obsession with working out. 3-4 hours a day, even eating a meal with my family is difficult for me. if i eat and am unable to purge i feel a huge surge of anxiety .. and a panic takes over me. i feel disgusted with myself.. how could i do something like that.
i've fallen into a huge rutt, and don't know what to do with myself anymore. im hoping this group can help me at least talk about it.

thanks
n.

i know the feeling! i obsess about when is the next opportunity i'll get to b/p all the time too. i work out fairly strenuously and feel guilty when i don't. i'm tired of the guilt, the exhaustion of vomiting, the expense of the food, and toll on my body. we've all got to do something about this.

let's continue to support each other!!

caroline

thank you for your comment caroline :) . It's so difficult. I've been fighting this on and off for about 9 years now .. i think this is the worst i've ever been.. supoort seems to be the best way to cope .. i dont think i would ever be able to completely get rid of my thoughts. :s ... althought im not really big on the binging .. i eat normally .. i just cant stand the thought of putting calories in my body ... there was a while where the only thing i was eating where mints :s and fresca ...
p.s if you ever need to talk i am here aswell .. i think discussion is the best medicine

Coco,

I think you've made a wise choice in coming to this group to discuss. We're all very helpful.

I think the best thing you can do (though it makes you feel anxious) is to eat those meals with your family, for it forces you to keep them in. You say you're not big on binging, but keeping down regular meals is very important. You're body needs food regularly, and you need to get back into the habit of trying to keep it down.
If you must eat by yourself, have a distraction ready to go once you're done eating so you can avoid that purge. Saying no to a purge is the best thing you can do here.

This earlier post has some interesting information on some of the results of bulimia....I know it's made me have some second thoughts

http://bulimia.supportgroups.com/sg/bulimia/does-anyone-know-what-physically-happens-to-your-stomach-when-you-binge-large

Keep working hard, and take things one step at a time,
Paige xoxo

Coco,

I definetely feel were you are coming from. I was dying all day yesterday because we went to visit my parents and ate with them. Everyone was around and I was SO anxious and frustrated. Not a soul knows of my problem. They know I have a problem with sugary foods, but know one knows that I am bulimic. Its so embarrassing. Especially being a mom. I have always occasionally eaten too much then threw up.. but now, it's like if I don't... I feel like hell until I do. I have NO clue how it got so bad. I think when I started modeling this year it was like major pressure to stay the same size and look as little as everyone else. Anyway I just want you to know that I understand and will be here if you need anything.

Today my goal is to not purge at ALL. I may end up a mad woman by the end of the day but Im gonna try for sure!

GOod luck hun!