Is there a particular group that address the issue of needing to be in control? That's what I realize so much of my worry is related to. As I've said, much is related to my adult kids and watching them make mistakes that I wish they wouldn't. The older one seems to have figured out how to naturally take control of situations that he needs to while coming to his parents when he needs to (which is becoming much less frequent). However the younger one still seems to expect us to take the lead on things even though we tell him when he needs to. Then as only anxiety can do, it creeps in and I start thinking of all of the 'what ifs?' So then I want to have a plan for each possible scenario ahead of time and of course, share it with him (or my other son if he'll listen - but once again he doesn't particularly want to listen). My therapist tells me that I should think about cutting back on advice giving unless it is sought out. Problem is, my younger will never seek it out and I get anxious watching whatever the issue of the moment is, play out. So because he seems to be waiting for the advice or tidbit or nag session - I deliver. I need to break the cycle. I grew up with no one to really provide advice, so not only did I not seek it out, but I just learned the hard way and I guess I'm just overcompensating for that. I don't know. I just want the anxious spiraling thougths to stop. I've had such control over things in my life since young adulthood really, and I want it back. It's just that I can't control the lives others and that's hard when it is people you love. This is some ramble, maybe someone will know what I mean......
oh hun i sure do know what you mean. lets put it an easier way...you want what you want when you want it and the way you want it.....does that cover it. thats been me. have spent mamy years in recover working on those issues. we got to back off and let them be. live and let live hun. oohhh don't that just rub the fur the wrong way hehhe....we can't even control ourselves lots of the time and we want to control everyone else ha! your not alone honey there are lots of us here trying to recover
Wow!!! You do say it like it is and that is exactly true. My rationalization is that "I know my way is the right way because............" and I always have an answer. Where did I get all of these smarts???? LOL
And you are right again when you say we can't even control ourselves. When I started having migraines over 25 years ago, and anxiety more recently, I found myself saying to my doctor then, and my therapist now, "i hate that I can't be in control of my own body"
You always say it like it is Kathy. I would love to hear from others who have these issues too. And thanks!!
oh goodness we can’t be the only two in the world with such issues…come up people out there fess up!