Couple days ago I found Facebook messages between my wife and another man. They were trading nudes and sexting. She has been acting strange for weeks, months but I assumed it was the health issues with her mom. Last week she wanted to go back on birth control because her headaches were so bad. I confronted her Friday and she admitted to it. I don't see how I can go back to a place of trust with her. She claims she didn't have sex, but how can I trust her again?
3 Hearts
Welcome. I think the reason you're here is because you're looking for a way to stay with her, correct? Sometimes these situations happen and then a couple open up to each other and become closer because of it. Don't make any rash decisions yet. Come here when you need to vent and give it a bit of time to sink in before you do anything. That's my advice.
1 Heart
How do we open up, she is extremely defensive and always had been. I feel I need some gesture that shows she doesn't want me just for my money.
1 Heart
@atb hi
I can fully relate to you as I am going thru the same situation. My husband of 15 yrs cheated on me while I was out of the country. I came back with so many dreams and plans to get intimate with him but frm day one he was very indifferent towards me. He confessed to his affair and all the details when I asked him . He admits that he did injustice to me and our son and he fels guilty but I have yet to see any gestures of physical closeness or emotional bonding that we shared fr so many years. Btw we were very good friends before and even after we got married. We shared everything . I also calmly understood and let him go to meet the other woman as her mother was too sick. He left me and my son on the long weekend and went to see her ailing mom I was calm but it’s hurting me like hell
Yesterday morning my husband confessed to me that he has been a sex addict all his life. He claims it is a learned behavior from his father. We have been married for 21 years and have raised 2 children together. I feel so betrayed, like he has been cheating on me our whole married life. I feel like he has brought all these women strangers into our bed. I'm shocked and too ashamed to talk about this with anyone I know.
1 Heart
@indializ
Hi
I can understand that you’re feeling ashamed talking to ppl you know but you need not be ashamed as you’re not the one who betrayed the trust and love . You gave your 21 beautiful years to this marriage ur husband and your kids . You are a wonderful person. To an extent I can feel your pain as I too have been married for the past 15 years and my husband has been emotionally and physically involved with a mother of two girls and they became his second family while I was away taking care of my son and when I came back I saw that he did not give himself fully as a father as he used to. I am finding it hard to forgive him bit is much for me but for our son who deserves all his father’s love and attention.
the trust has gone on a very long vacation. She intended to deceive you instead of being honest. She intended to betray you, If you had not caught her she would have. She was not concerned with how this would affect you, she only cared about what she wanted for herself. This is selfish behavior, and actions speak louder than words. Perhaps she has low self esteem or feels neglected.... But neither excuses this. Even if your relationship is less than perfect, it doesn't make it ok. She says she didn't cheat on you, but she certainly was planning on it. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you this way? Love doesn't act this way. You deserve someone who will communicate with you.. And has respect for herself and you. Don't settle for less... Bc it's a road of wasted time and heartache.
3 Hearts
Even if I tried to make it work ... every call, every text ,every time she's working late or returning something for her disabled mom, I'll wonder if that's the truth and that's no way to live.
2 Hearts
She will lie. Even a small confession is the tip of the iceberg of what she will reveal. I know this coming out of a 10 year relationship with a sex addict/serial cheater. She will downplay the proof, twist it as much as she can, give fake reasons for her behavior. I guarantee that if she is a true narc the situation is much worse than what you have seen on facebook. Sorry to say that.
2 Hearts
That's kind of what I thought, a few weeks ago I found pics with a different guy, but I forgave that one. Now this and lying about where she is too. She's always teasing she is a sexy chic, so your probably right. We have two kids together, 6 and 9 I know they will be fine but I really thought I could spare them this divorce stuff....
1 Heart
We have two kids as well. As a child of divorce, I had really hoped to avoid it, but some things we can tolerate, others are just crazy. It is the narcs inability to change that has me convinced that divorce is the only way.
1 Heart
She has no sexual abuse in her past, she does watch a lot of porn. I guess she could have some addiction issues. I know I did up until a few weeks ago. I'll try, but if she can't own up to her behavior I have to go. Thank you for the advice.
the easiest thing to do is walk away. Staying and trying to work it out is hard. If you give up this quickly you will always ask yourself if you did the right thing.
2 Hearts
We had a very frank conversation today. We aren't communicating well and both of us were hurt by the things that were said and done. We both need time to figure out what we want. So she will get her own place so we both can decide what we want from our selves and each other. We will be getting counselling and will start dating after. We'll see if we even work together any more. Neither of us have been on our own, so this is a good way to discover ourselves again. It was very amicable and we both still love and care for one another.
I wish you luck. Never blame yourself for this.
2 Hearts
That's all for the advice and kind words. I'm scared but need to move forward.
1 Heart
@atb good you joined this group its ok to be scared you are moving forward if you are talking about things make a plan set goals be good to you