Im just one great big **** up and have so many mental health issues now and am in such a bad place right now.
Suffering - severe depression, bpd, ocd, anxiety, panick attacks, insomnia, severe skin picking, drug dependant, self-harm, abused, loneliness, illicit drugs & alcohol and an extremely addictive personality.
mmmh got a lot going for me havent i? - NOT!!!!
What man in there right mind would even contemplate coming near me! Thats what I thought before I met my husband who has put up with me for 7 and a half years - where has it all gone so wrong. He came along and we had a blissfully happy first 5 years and then it slowly went down hill form losing his job and jointly owing nearly £50k debts, to my mental health spiraling rapidly out of control. I looked my entire life for love attention and craved it from anybody as didnt get it as a child and evry man I met id fall in love with and thought they loved me but just got hurt, used, mistreated, cheated on, betrayal, severely beaten and abused and i just ended up a shell with everything kicked out ofd me.
I meet my husband who was all that I had ever dreamed of and so much more and what do I do - DON'T KNOW WHAT THE **** TO DO WITH IT! All he wants is love attention and intamacy from his wife that he dotes on and worships the ground I walk on. Gave up work after grafting his entire life just to take care of me & the kids! Why cant I show him how much I love him, why do I never want to make love (very rarely) (and our sexual relations are ****ing great - when it happens) other than I end up sobbing uncontrollably after just experiencing great loving! and I cant even tell him why other than its not his fault its me - but I dont know why either at all I cant explain it. I make him feel like I dont love, care, want, feel or anything about him. The cold shoulder the silences, the un bothered dont give a **** attitude - never going to him when hes crying his eyes out - as previously he pushed me away and whats the worst thing someone can do to me? knock me back???? OMG thats just the worst cause Ill never do it again. BUt he just thinks im heartless, but he cries all the time. What right have I got to make the best thing thats ever happen to me my doting husband so miserably unhappy!!
But why cant he be a little more understanding he tries but its too hard I dont understand let alone someone on the outside. He just sees his beautiful wife destroying herself and spiralling into a very dark place and he cant do anything about it1!!!Im on medication, Im starting another therapy in august, im going away to try a drastic diet to reduce my dependence on prescription drugs. Im seeking support online - im trying desperately but to no avail to him as everyday is unpredictable and hes struggling to cope!!!!
What the **** am I gona do - Im actually a good person underneath - Im in need of help desperately before its all too late xxxxx
Hi honey, please stop & focus for a moment breathe...... take one at a time & careful w/the wine (read your post) back off yourself, there is only so much you can do with all of this going on inside you at once, please focus on ONE THING at a TIME, easier said then done w/what your trying to deal with. You have someone that is willing to stand by you & help understand whats going on, thats a good thing, please communicate w/him & just maybe it will help CALM one thing down (the relationship) & then tackle the next.... We're here for you.
April
hi hun,im so sorry you are going thru all this,my ex husband didnt understand me either..thought I was just acting certain ways for attention, and I was with him for 13 years! he just never got me.I actually was the one to leave him in the end..as I couldnt take the fighting anymore..it gave me a breakdown where I couldnt function,,drank way to much..I couldnt get past the babies I had lost (thats still a very touchy issue with me)I hurt my ex by leaving..but I wouldnt have survived all the fighting cause he just didnt understand my depression and bi polor moods. now im with someone that is bi polor as well and suffers depression..so I see it from both ends now..we are together nearly 5 years now..its good at times..but hard as well..cause we understand each others moods..but then we cant always be there for the other if we are inside our own depression.
u are not a f**k up!! please keep telling your self that..u didnt ask to be born suffering mental probs..its a very hard thing to live with.its not your fault. good luck with your new therapy in august..im sure it will be a good thing for you.if u need an ear,just message me
I often wondered that w/bipolar (my husband is bipolar/schzoid/BPD & more w/alcohol abuse) & have attempted to learn as much as I could possibly comprehend w/therapy but I never asked do they do better w/someone of same type, hummmmm, thanks for that information, please talk more so others can learn.
Thanks again
April
FIRST !
Thank you !!!
You thought me something...
I was infected with fiberglass and asbestos... So I picked at my skin all the time. There is still some there and I get sores and scares from it but...
I PICK at myself all the TIME.
Kind of Like a Parrot that is Depressed and Unset !!!!
I never realized what is was or called or even really it is bad...
THANK YOU, a Light just went on for me about that... NOW I am going to try to STOP that. Try to solve yet one more thing to my path of recovery and HAPPY LIFE !!!
NEXT......
HEY ME TO !! I am the Biggest and Attract the Worse situations and people. People avoid me and offer no help becuase it seems I always have issues, etc...
Hence there are more of us out there.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE !!!!
I am trying to be HAPPY, surround myself with positive and great successful people, etc...
Not going 100% yet but Trying to CHANGE Me and my POOR CHOICES and SITUATIONS !!!
Tell youself EVERY DAY YOU ARE GOOD AND DESERVING, Say it out loud to yourself....
Get some help, but find someone or place that is GOOD and FITS YOU !
I had a counceler tell me one time I had to many Problems...
What a JOKE, I had to many problems, That is why I was there..... DUHHHHH....
Needless to say I left there and sought answers some place else.
BUT OVER ALL...
YOU ARE NOT A **** UP ! Just challanged... So change it...
Im a lot like you with sex and such and relationships and F-Up, etc..
But you can get through it ! YOU CAN !!
Be positiive and THINK it to will pass. Get help and talkt o someone and FIX what you can.
YOU CAN DO IT !!!
Message me anytime to talk !