Well its been almost 16 years now..and the dark cloud is finally clearing from above my head. i really think that when i was around 20 years old..God layed about a plan of trials and tribulations for me , i hope in his eyes i passed the test cuz, i ve had more thoughts of rage and suicide durn thAT time then one could imagaine. Im going to brief 16 years into a short story. I was a jr. In high school when I met my daughters father..we were in a relationship for 31/2 years..lets just say closet to hell other then being there, emotional , physical and forced sexual...carry scars of all types today..only thing good was the birth of my daughter. he was 6 years older then me, and he was my first love..wonderful evERlasting experience NOT... then when i told him i was pregnant Abortion outright, i refused..he tortued me from that point forward,,i was away from him physically unfourntately not emotionally. by the grace of god and my parents I made it , gave birth to my daughter and hoped to start a new life.then after not giving a ****, he decides to get involed, okay court granted supervised visitation. I began to pick up the pieces OF MY LIFE work f/t etc. we had little correspondence..which was heaven sent. then i thought I met the man of my dreams...i wasn't even looking too much damage..i fell hard..let my guard down..we got together...3 mos later we were enggaed...i had blinders on, living in the lust/ fanasty....i missed sooo many red flags..lookn back today..okay so my dad became terminally ill, we pushed the wedding up..oopps..Okay, my heart talkn to my head everythings fine,,,its all good..not in reality...he was living in the same fanasty land(rebound)okay so we get married..REALITY sets in....Not even two months in I we moved too quick..jealousy, questions, doubt, family issues..what do i do?i was an offical sugar coater....but it wears away...his ex was like his first love BUT STRANGE RELATIONSHIP ONLY SAW HER FOR 6 MOS ..off and on not alot of sex or closeness sooo i thought no biggy.. but in reality the flame for her wasnt out..it rekindled. right b4 he met me previosly he had not seen here in months..she was no longer ancient history...i just knew it..it was odd when anything related to her was relevant (ex. car tas the devil choc labs) what made her ...her he had just attended her grandmothers funeral two weeks b4 our relationship started, i think he thought they were gettn back together...didnt happen, so when he met me i was vulerable..clueless..i filled that rejection..but after the fact..oh **** ,(his brain talkn) shes(meaning me) really not her(the ex), very odd were not simialr ..only that were girls and dark hair..thats were the buck stops...rememeber he accepted my daughter,,(now maybe more responability the he wanted)Okay so as u can imagine our relationship has been extremely rocky, as our martial issues became public to family, so the bitterness started and continued,,,We had our son two years into the marriage, i also gave up working which was a major mistake, i should have remained working not stopped because of the onset of the marriage. My died in the meantime, i never had the right amount of time with him at his bedside because my husband was very cruel about labeling my family,,as he didnt live up to staus que..his family had the"picture perfect life" which every adult knows is impossible...he made it very diffcult for me to get away to see my dad as he was 45 minutes away, he passed way quickly at the end.in the meantime, my mom had to have a quad triple bipass (emergency)..i tried moving her in with me..sad to say it was like a verbal battlefield, my inlaws were disgracful to her"my mom", both in my home and at broad they treated her and I like ****,,in the meantime i got pregeant fo our third child..on one of those blissful nights..my mom had decided to move into an assited living..best for her..i missed her terribly and felt guilty but it was best..Now after all that being said .....my husband lost his job 2 years back..in return we lost our house to foreclosure and everything else..i think my mind too..I made the decision to return to work and school for nursing..im going to make up for all those lost years...my baby girl is 14 now my other two kids are 10 and 4...i focus on the postives in my life..my inlaws are outlaws..i totally have no respect for them...which they dont deserve anyway..they still try and be very intrusive my children saw the writing on the wall and are decent from them ..ive put my mother in law in her place..she knows the deal..i live for my children,,this is a stepping stone to my bright future..its like i traveled thru hell..yes, my mom is still living and doing well. we are as close as ever, he is no longer controlling me..i call the shots for everybodys best interest..i figuire i made it this far either he'll treat me right or i will be able to leave cuz, im on the right road now..i love him but, i took the rose colred glasses off.So, enough about me...any advance what his issues might have been or are, i think even after 16 plus years he married me thinking i'd replace her NOT!
Be the best mom you ca be, and also a good daughter. Good for you that you started to take care of everything, enough is enough. God bless you for being so strong and determined. Wishing you all the best. God bless you.