Dating For Women - How to Understand Men's Communication Or Lack Thereof

Wow, this is a very good and insightful article that really helped me quite a bit. Every time I feel that there's a lack of communication on the guy's part, I automatically assume that he's just not that into me, so I am ready to jump ship. Though, Dr. Benzer's below points are so valid in that why does all communication fall on the guy. I think that it should come from him initially, and that's only because I'm a fairly traditional girl, but after the weeks pass, why does it always have to fall on him, right? How do you feel about this?

"Am I jumping the gun thinking he's not interested? Just seems if he really liked me and I got the impression he did why has he not called." Well, I've seen a guy who's not interested, and it looks different from this (I should know -- I've *been* that guy).

A guy who's really not interested is across the room, talking to someone else, completely unaware of your existence. He is not inviting you over, cooking dinner for you and cuddling with you. The most accurate gauge of people's thoughts are their behaviors, so watch what he does.

Which brings us to the second point:

"I've never understood why guys do this. I know that I deserve someone to treat me well and he did that but I don't understand the not calling thing. I guess I'm just going move on and keep working on myself and grow and hopefully attract someone who does call and does make plans to spend time with me. Any advice would be appreciated."

Well, here's my question for Amelia and the other ladies reading this: What do *you* want? Sure, he hasn't called you (yet). And the only thing that means is that he hasn't called you (yet). But did you have a good time? Do you want to see him again? You have a voice, so use it!

You see, the year is 2009. Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring is so 1956. Besides, he took the risk of asking you out and already put in the effort to entertain you and take care of you. If you were already in a partnership with him, would you just sit there, waiting for him to offer and give again, while you just take? While he takes all the risk?

Doesn't really seem fair, does it. Yet I've found that many women misconstrue this 'taking of turns' as a lack of interest. Here's an easy way of understanding what's going on: put yourself in the shoes of the guy. He's put his ego on the line once already and asked you out -- to his place, no less. He's cooked for you. What are his options now? If he asks you out again, he could look too eager, especially if it's to his place.

Which brings us to the third point. His not calling you after two days does not necessarily mean he's "pulling away." If he's smart and respects himself (and has read my books), he'll wait to see if you reciprocate his hospitality. Otherwise, he's getting no information on *your* interest level. Better then to wait for you to make the next move.

"There's also a side point I'd like to make here. Amelia almost didn't call the man after the dinner. In fact, in the letter she says she called him because her friends told her to. Hmm. Imagine how *you* would feel if a man did not call you to say thanks the day after you cooked dinner for him. Even a day's delay would make you wonder.

There's a spiritual principle at work here that says that you get more of whatever you focus on and give your energy to. So if you want men to make more home-cooked meals for you, thank them profusely for that. If you want them to call you early and often, call them early and often. Energy flows where attention goes.

As Gandhi once said memorably, "Be the change you want to see in the world." So Amelia's expectation that he give her acknowledgment and attention even though she's reluctant to volunteer that herself doesn't really work in the long run."

Source: Ezine Articles, by Dr. Alex Benzer

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