Dating or just friends for people with Agoraphobia

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
1

This has probably been talked about on here, but I am new to the site and I just thought I'd start a new post. I'm really tired of being alone, and I don't really even have any friends. I have agoraphobia/anxiety as the title suggests. I was just wondering if anyone has come across any good sites or places for people with anxiety or agoraphobia to meet? even if it's just friends. I've tried the popular sites but they want you to pay too much for a site with people posting that generally don't have any issues like I do... not to mention even if I was fine, can't accept someone with career goals related to artistic talents (they would consider a gamble) It's just a big waste of money.

I'm just looking for a friend or more. I have interests and things I am so passionate about that keep me alive through all this and no one to share them with. I'm 34 now so it's becoming really bad for me. I was fine in my early 20s when my parents were expected to a degree to be around and helping me. It's not accepted so much for my age anymore. Though I'd except it but many won't.

Anyway, I was just asking if anyone has found any sites to be good? I have tried sites like the popular ones and some other ok something site (won't say the name) but the people are superficial and not understanding. Life is short and I would love to just have someone I can talk to or share things with. I barely even literally speak anymore because I just don't have anyone to talk to. My mother doesn't really share my interests and because of how bad the depression has become, my hours are all wrong now. I'm sleeping during the day/early evening. Barely any human contact and chatting online I don't know is more of a placebo than a real interaction would be.

2

Hi Christian, welcome to Support Groups, thank you so much for being here with us and for sharing. Have you ever tried any local support groups for Agoraphobia in your area? If you can start attending group meetings, this will allow for an opportunity to meet nice new people and ease into more social situations. Is this something that seems feasible?

3

My agoraphobia is really bad. I usually can't even go out until past 9 or 10pm and I don't even know anyone awake in my prime time hours around 2 am. Things have become really bad though this past year and a half, to where I don't want to go anywhere alone. I don't really have any friends where I am. I had moved here in 2005 and never became friends with anyone because of my anxiety and it's really not that easy for someone with severe anxiety to walk up to strangers. All feels hopeless really. I like talking to people online but it would be better if they lived in my area at least.

4

Christian, I don't know of any online groups that I can recommend. Would you mind my asking if you are receiving any type of medical treatment for your agoraphobia? Here is a site that I think may be helpful; http://www.psyweb.com/mdisord/AnxietyDis/agoraphobia.jsp.

Please know that you are not alone, I am here to help you in any way that I can.

5

I take Klonopin, the only thing that slightly works for me with none to little side-effects ( i seem to panic worse from side effects, as I think something is wrong with my health). I've been in treatment since I was 19 years old but these days anxiety/agoraphobia can be so bad I need to have phone appointments with the doctor. For some reason though I seem a lot better VERY late at night (when everything like doctors are closed.) Though I wouldn't go walking into a club, but then again while I love music, i am not that type of person anyway. Movies are okay , but no one is there and it has to be weeknights. I can't do it on weekends. Usually very little people are out when I can do anything. Like right now as I post this message I am going to be going to sleep at 11am.

The whole situation is depressing the hell out of me though. I am not exactly wanting to use those sites to date as much as to find a friend. In general I am able to communicate much easier with females than males, so I figured something like that might work, especially one specific to people with problems like me. On the typical site as you can you can probably guess, saying what's wrong with me straight out or even hiding it and saying it later doesn't go over well.

6

Christian I am the exact same as you but my story is slightly different. I was actually lucky enough to have a boyfriend before my agoraphobia took place. The only problem is that it has taken a serious toll in our relationship. Also the friends I had I no longer have because they do not understand how bad my anxiety and agoraphobia is. So it truly is hard to find people like us and its even harder to keep relationships with people who are not understanding. I feel lonely and depressed to but hang in there and keep chatting on here and hopefully it will give you some relief.

7

It's very hard to hang on. I basically barely hear my speaking voice because I have no one to talk to. My sleep schedule is completely messed up and I've lost interest in so many things I loved to do (guitar player/art). It's depressing me. People always tell me to use stuff like Facebook or Twitter but that puts me in a dangerous depression. All I see is people talking about how great their lives are or how their children are great and I have none of these things. It's heartbreaking for me. When I have gone out in the past there was some girls who showed interest but my anxiety/agoraphobia and depression involved always scared them off. It's been 2 years since those moments. I just don't know what to do now. I was hoping to find a dating site that specifically provided connections for people with these kinds of problems but it seems now. I'm basically waiting to die at this point. I don't see much else in my future. It's so hard to be positive.

I suppose it's good that I can at least say what I feel on this site. Still feels lonely since nothing is truly personal here. I am happy for you though, that you have someone that understands. That's very hard to find especially for guys I think, who are expected to "suck it up" and "move on" etc. I've heard so much nonsense from therapists. I've seen about 30 at least and they always try techniques I've already read in books myself. I feel like I know as much as they do it not more. Sadly 10 or 20 years from now they will have a better understanding of these problems, when it is far too late for me. It will only be that more depressing.

8

Hi Christian,

I'm brand new to this site, and I was just wondering the same thing. That's why I looked this up. It's mainly to have someone in my area to go with to get my chores done and vice versa. Just because it's so hard for me to get up the courage to do it alone. Today it took me 7 hours and a mix of 5 medicines to finally just go grocery shopping. I have close friends in other places who understand exactly how it is and would go with me, but of course they can't. I understand how it is...to have so much anxiety just to leave the house. I don't know why I have it, but being bipolar probably causes it somehow. I take medicine that takes care of the symptoms of that for the most part except the anxiety. I'm also a night owl. I often wake up around 10 pm and sleep at 6 in the morning. I've taken Klonopin before (I've taken most things...) Another depression medicine would probably be good, I know it's hard to keep trying them. Of course you can't "suck it up". That bugs me so much when people say that. They would tell me to go out in the sun and take a deep breath...smell the grass. Umm yeah. Sometimes musics the only thing that's kept me going. Anyway, just so you know there are others feeling how you feel.

9

Hi Christian,
I recently began experiencing anxiety attacks so I somewhat know how you are feeling. The feeling of having a hard time breathing, feeling light headed, the ground spinning, your stomach feels like someone has a tight grip on it, and the feeling that you can't do anything about it. Now about your dating dilemma, if you can't find a dating site for people with agoraphobia then maybe you should create one. Because there are more people that are in the same boat as you. I would also suggest you to read dating articles, which over you an expanded amount of advice on dating. The site that helped me out the most is datingonline.net
Good luck to you and remember to always think positive!!

10

I too am in the same boat as you.

I have been agoraphobic for over 15 years now, although I am sometimes able to travel with certain family members in the right situations. I am probably what can be considered to be "situationally housebound" - if I can't find a safe person to go with me to a place I can't go alone, then I won't go and will stay home, isolated and alone.

I used to have a perfectly normal life until this hit me in my late twenties. I had lived in many different places including NYC, subways on a daily basis, lots of friends and partying until 4AM and beyond. The last job outside the house was a great one, I had to leave about $250,000 in stock options behind because this affliction was causing me to spiral downward. I figured at the time I was still young enough to get over this and claw my way back.

Now I am 45 years old, and have basically had no relationships since then. I have made a few friends here and there along the way, but basically I hold on the best I can to the realtionships I made when I was "normal". I am quite close with my siblings/in-laws, so that helps. Although they are growing increasingly frustrated with me as the years roll by, as I am with myself. I look at my Facebook page and pictures from my past, and it almost seems like another person. I used have parties of 300+ people growing up at my folks house, now that seems miles away.

Thing about me is that if I'm feeling good, you would never know anything is wrong with me - I have become a true master of disguise. And since many of my old friends have become quite successful themselves, I am still exposed to some cool stuff, when able (which is NOT very often).

Anyway, sorry for rambling. But Christian, I too am looking for people just to have a friendship with at this point. If it turns into more, great, but just the idea of being able to share a life with a girl would be nice. I have a lot to offer outside of this agoraphobia, but inside it I don't have much to offer a woman at all. So anyone who wants to start some sort of online friendship, let me know.

Despite all this, I still hold out hope that someday I can still go back to living a somewhat normal life.

11

christianV,

Read my discussion "A real fear of agoraphobia" This is what happens to me. I'm also jitter all the time. If I'm going out and things don't go as planned my anxiety skyrockets so over the last 5 years iv'e become somewhat of a recluse. I hate it but i also hate feeling extreme anxiety and panic disorder along with agoraphobia. It Sucks.

I can relate and we can be friends. It appears you and I have many friends here, rjacks24, suvi, mattcr, kelly79 and I'm sure there are others. I meet someone that is to paranoid to post but we talk through IM every night.

Let's keep this thread going. I'm dieing to talk to like minded people.

akhenaten

12

Hi Akhenaten,

I would also like to talk to people like me. On Saturday I'm going out of the country to live with my best friend who is also like me, but the two of us together of course helps a whole bunch. We have to set up internet there, but then let's talk! Even the two of us together, sometimes we sit there with no food in the house and can't seem to go out and get some...finally at like two in the morning we'll go shop. But it even helps to have someone to sit and be hungry with :)

Suvi

13

Suvi,

Have fun with your friend. 2am is a great time for a agorphobic person to go shopping. I used to do that at wall mart where the vast majority of people were stacking shelfs. Easy in easy out. You know where to find me after your move. So let's continue to talk. Just drrop me an IM when you get settled.

Have fun,
akhenaten

14

Hi Akhenaten,

Sorry to have to ask this, but how do I IM? I usually talk to my friends on skype.

Thanks,
Suvi

15

you can IM from right within Skype. If you want, I can show you how. But I would need your Skype name to show you.

16

Just click on my name here and send me a message. I would love to skype. Thats in real time real conversation and we could talk face to face literally. We can set that up iif you like.

17

What happened to everyone? Are you all cured?

18

I am in a similar situation and having been looking for somewhere to talk to people who understand. I am in the UK and suffer from a number of health issues, one of which has left me in a wheelchair now and I am not able to get around very easily, my situation Was made worse when my wife of ten years decided I was too much of a burden and walked out behind my back.

For the last two years I have become a complete recluse, I'm scarred to go out, and hate being in public, I don't even like to talk to people on the phone. I don't particularly want to start dating anyone, but I would really love to be able to chat with others online, would be lovely to have a dreamy online relationship with someone online.

I have tried dating sites but it's become apparent that I have nothing to offer a lady anymore and it seems all people see is the wheelchair and not the fact that I have a good heart and a very romantic soul. But it seems now I can't even find a bit of companionship.

Has anyone found any sites that cater for people like myself

19

Where do you live? I know a few people who only leave the house at night. It's when they feel safe.

Anyway, I related very much to your post. Because I'm alone 99% of the day and night, I often wonder what my own voice sounds like. I talk to myself out loud or to my pets to have company. This sounds really weird, I'm sure. I've always had the same type of sleep schedule as you, since I first got panic at 14. Mine now shifts according to how I feel. I try to wake up early so the day goes by quicker. At night I now feel completely swallowed in darkness (where it used to feel safe and secure) and alone.

20

hey
reading this is was a complete wake up call for me your story is very similar to mine. I was first diagnosed in my teens. however now at 31 it has become embarassing living with my parents still. I feel like nobody understands and that everyone thinks I'm a freak. my family treat me as though I'm a burden to them. like you I also take klonipin and wish that I could have people in my life who understand