As of late, and most especially since starting with adventures in online dating, communication is starting to feel a whole lot like a loan application and job interview. Is anyone else having a similar experience? I spoke with several men this week and each one asked questions that I have never ever been asked by men before, such as "do you rent or own?" and "does your business make enough money to support you?". I was pretty blown away by the line of questioning that came up from these men. I was drilled and grilled about my businesses, where I really felt as if I was going out for a round of financing or applying for a loan. It was so bizarre. Is it because these guys are a bit older and are trying to weed out certain types of women or is it because they are pretentious?
Hi,
I, too, have been asked bizarre questions dating online. Because I am a student, I have often been asked how I support myself. However, sometimes I am asked questions that are really out-of-line, like what is my bra size? It has made me feel like I am something ordered out of a catalog, and they're not quite sure by my photo if I'm exactly what they want!
I may be wrong, but weeding out with tactless, none-of-your-business type questions is controlling and the men may have trust issues.
A smart, mentally healthy man will take the time to get to know the woman, how she operates, and if she is a healthy, trustworthy person as part of dating. Dating isn't just about seeing if there is a physical attraction and things in common, it is a chance to see how the person is interacting in the world! Are they super charming, yet, strangely don't have any friends?
Do they work all the time, and only have time for you from 11:30-2pm? (true example)
good luck, Merri
"whew", the story of my life. I tried the on line dating and had a few dates....Lordy....it is as men want to know exactly what you said, Loan Application. I do well for my self and have my home. Thats the first questions, anyway, I started doing what they did to me. I was the one to asking questions. I was already burnt by a man that almost made me loose everything I owned. He was a con artist that made me believe love came out of my pocket book. After 40 grand and 8 months later, he left. I was distroyed. However, it's been 8 years and I finally regained my losses, on my own, by myself. So with that in mind, you could see why I turned the tables and am very inquisitive about their financial status. So buckle down girls and get smart. Protect yourselves. Because these men that are doing the interviewing are probably like the one I married. And it was a very expensive lesson to learn.
Wow Merrigirl, you are so right in that you start to feel like these men are shopping for a car [or something to that effect] and trying out different models. They ask all of these "technical" questions which seem so cold and heartless. I am really missing old fashioned dating where I would spend a day walking around town or a carefree lunch with a man talking about our childhoods, dreams, aspirations, light silly chat, etc. Now, it's all about; what I do, what I earn, do I own or rent....it all seems so cold. What ever happened to getting to know someone for who they are regardless of what they do or what they own. It all seems so superficial to me.
And, I am so sorry for what you went through Pm_hebert. Thank you so much for sharing your story, as it's quite opening. Maybe some of the guys I've come across are really just superficial, though maybe others have gone through bad experiences in the past much like yourself. Thus, they are being protective of themselves. It makes complete sense. The "do you own or do you rent?" question was a bit too much and not really someone I'd continue with, but the guy who asked "do your businesses earn enough to support you?" could have been dealing with a past situation, so I'll be more open minded about him.
Thank you so much again for your wonderful support, I really truly appreciate it so much. Wishing you both the very best!
Puppydog, I think these guys are nosy jackasses!!!
To me, those are not appropriate questions for a first date! Those are questions you might ask someone you have been with a while and are wanting to become more serious with.
In those instances, "Do you rent or own?" could be interpreted as, "I own my house, if you do as well, which will we sell and which will we live in after we are married?" Or "Do you have enough equity in your home that if we sell both, we can have a nice down payment?" "Does your business make enough to support you?" Come on! That is just rude. You should have said, "Not really, but between that and prostituting myself I am getting by."
I think they are trying to see if you could support them and let them move in. Maybe they ask all potential women that.
To me, appropriate questions on a first date would be,
1) What sort of work do you do?
2) Do you have any children?
3) What do you like to do for fun?
4) Where did you grow up?
5) Have you lived here long?
6) What are your hobbies?
etc, etc
(((hugs)))
Joker_girl, you are absolutely hilarious! I was laughing out loud at your most brilliant comment. Thank you so much. Wow, you are so so so right in that these guys are a) nosy and b) rude. I LOVE your response "Not really, but between that and prostituting myself I am getting by". Why did I not think of that?!?!? So fantastic. And, I am supposed to meet this guy next week...oh boy, should I even bother? Do I give him a chance?
Sadly, the above ridiculous questions where all over 1st/initial phone conversations. That's just so pathetic. Wow. You are so right about 1st date questions, those are so appropriate and really about getting to know the person. I just don't like superficial questions and I guarantee you that guy who asked "do you own or rent" was asking that to see if I am financially stable. Though, I know plenty of people who rent and have more money than those who own. One doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the other. Guess, I continue weeding through the bad to get to the good.
Thanks again for your excellent comment, you are the best! Please keep them coming. Sending you tons of good positive happy thoughts.