Day 1 of Self Help Workshop for Addiction

Addiction & Recovery Substance Abuse
1

NOTE: PLEASE REPLACE THE WORDS COCAINE AND CRACK COCAINE W/ YOUR DRUG OF CHOICE/and / or ADDICTION :

Day 1

Day 1 means we have the desire to quit cocaine forever.

How many times have we felt the desire to quit cocaine forever only to be defeated by it again and again? A: too many

The last time I used crack cocaine, I recall going to sleep, or trying to , with the horrible side effects of coming down and the pitiful prayers to God , to "please help me" and the "never again".

Remembering all the empty promises that I not only made to others but to myself was devestating. It created apathy and hopelessness. I went through periods while I attempted to quit crack cocaine that I just gave up trying. But living under those conditions I could no longer, so I simply HAD to find a way out.

Smoking crack cocaine created a hell on earth. I wanted out of that hell.

The sheer desire to get out of that hell and never to return to it again is what got me started and also what kept me going.

Truth is that the first 30 days is the most difficult , though there are more difficult times before you get out of hell entire.

Today, we have decided to make that effort. We have decided to make painstaking efforts, to transfer all of that energy we have used to get the cocaine and to use it towards not doing so and overcoming all that it did to us.

I felt desperate to rid it from my life.

I had spent about 2 years trying to defeat it.

I got breaks of time in between using but I never felt that it was gone for good. I always felt those feelings of fear and impending doom and disaster were just around the corner, knowing that it was still in me and that I may just go at it again.

After my last use over three years ago, and going to sleep praying desperately,

I woke up the next day and out loud I exclaimed "NO MORE EXCUSES".

That day I made the decision to get serious about quitting.
That day I understood that it would take more than just desire.

I was desperate and hopeless that I could ever end this obsession with cocaine.

If you have the desire to quit cocaine forever you are in the right place to post about it and to find freedom.

What I learned is that what you need to quit cocaine forever is:

DESIRE
DECISION
DEDICATION

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today we state out loud and we write it out that we have the desire to quit cocaine FOREVER.
Today we make the decision to stop using cocaine.
Today we make the decision based on our own experiences w/ cocaine that it WILL require a lot of effort.
Today we make the decision to go through that effort, to do the work necessary to become free forever.

Once you make a decision the "doing" becomes effortless. That is normally the way in life with things that it is in making a choice that we struggle, but once the choice is made it becomes self evident the actualizing of that decision.

Not so true w/ beating cocaine BUT we have learned enough already to know what we need to know to beat this thing once and for all.

We must make this decision that "enough is enough" and then ACT on that decision we have made that come hell or high water we will NOT USE COCAINE.

In doing so we must be honest.

Admitting that we have wanted to quit and have not been able to, admitting that we must continue looking for the way that will enable us to abstain forever more.

Admitting that this decision will require effort on our part to do what we must be become free.

We start today by making this decision and by admitting the truth.

Cocaine addiction and crack addiction infiltrates and corrupts us mentally, physically and spiritually.

Therefore we must address it that way. We need to detoxify ourselves entirely and use a three tiered effort at doing so. We need to admit that it will take time for us to detoxify ourselves and be willing and okay with spending the necessary amount of time in this direction.

Today we will not worry, the antidote to worry is to do something.

Crack cocaine brought out the very worst in me, the very worst version of myself possible.
Quitting crack cocaine brought out the best in me.

Today we have a goal. Our end goal is freedom from cocaine forever. Our start goal is 30 days.

Whenever we make a goal for ourselves, we make a plan to go with that goal. Quitting forever is the end goal, but we need to break it down into smaller goals to get to the finish line.

Day 1 tip : Find a way to relax.
For me I used meditation. Get in a quiet place and spend 10 minutes on relaxing.
This tip for day one will be one that we use every day.
To start you lie down or sit in a comfortable position. You take deep breaths.
If you like you can choose a mantra to focus on.
The one I like is from the buddhists and it goes as such:

"breathing in I calm mind and body" (you say this breathing in)
"breathing out I smile" (you say this on the breath out)

after awhile change it to:

" Dwelling in the present moment" (breath in)
"Wonderful moment, only moment" (breath out)

when you attempt to do this or any meditation you will notice your worldly thoughts intruding, observe the thoughts like clouds in the sky and allow them to pass over and return to your mantra.

If we have been using cocaine, we have more than likely lost the ability to relax. Slowing ourselves down and relaxing will help us on this journey.

2

BONUS AND TODAY'S TIP : IS : MEDITATION:

THIS ONE I FOUND TO BE VERY VERY EFFECTIVE FOR BRINGING CLARITY AND PEACE AND DETERMINATION IN ACCOMPLISHING OUR HEART'S DESIRES.

IT IS ALL ABOUT DESIRE THAT IS WHAT THE POST SHOULD BE WRITTEN ON TODAY AK

post your thoughts and feelings about ANYTHING i have said, If what i have said is too long just break off a section. I apologize I will work to update and revise the rest of my messages for you ...
but just to get started..

3

I'm not a very religious person and my personal self and 'soul searching' has always centered around TAO. The TAO is deep into meditational processes that transform the mind a body. It has been very helpful to me in the past but I have strayed from that path and now suffer because of it.

I believe meditation can cure many ills including drug addiction. I also believe that through the TAO (or DAO) one can connect with the universe and all living things. It's through meditation that a person can bring the bigger picture into focus. So I'm not surprised that meditation has helped you. I'm out of practice but am ready to start again as part of therapy to restructure my life.

I'm also going to cotinue to work at small goals each day to reach the bigger goal of eternal happiness. The happiness that nature provides us and not the fake "happiness" of scoring another bag or pill. My desire today is finding a way to make eternal happiness part of my everyday regimen. You supplied me already with the answer, comes through meditation. Bringing into focus, me, my internal/external being and the connection with everything.

The remainder of today and hopefully the rest of my life I can become addicted to meditation. Use meditation as my drug. I'll do it as I did in the past before I went astray. I'll list for you my meditation habit or ritual that I used very effectivly in the past.

Of course we can meditate any time we wish to do so my ritual meditation consisted of: every morning starting with sitting cross legged in my bed with about 10 minutes of quite reflection followed by breakfast and then back in the bedroom lighting a few candles sitting crossed leged on the floor and concentrating on breathing and chanting; I would repeat this wiith the same ritual at night, 10 minutes before dinner of quite reflection, dinner and lighting candles and chanting or listening to relaxation tapes.

Have you tried the relaxation tapes? Like sounds of the sea, birds ect... these are very effective in achieving a meditative state. So today my desire/goal is to start meditating, create a ritual to bring harmony into my life.

Thanks Pegasus. You and I have achieved a goal today. I feel good now. I actually just smiled a real smile. Something that doen't happen to me very often these days.

4

Wonderful, !! Yes I am familiar with the Tao and love it too, I have my little trusty copy right here. The 4 noble truths and 8fold path of buddhism works for me to as a practical approach to my behavior to lead me away from trhe suffering that we inadvertantly and unbewittingly cause ourselves.
Since that is the part we can control.

Wow, that is great, hit the nail on the head, I agree, being addicted to my meditations, dependent on them is fine by me.

I have received a lot clarity and creative juices that flow and to solve any problems I am facing by my practicing in meditation.

Yes, I love the relaxation music, I like the Native American flute songs the most I think.

One tool during this detox and recovery period, well 2 now that you mention it, we can meditate, start small and build up from there.
realizing we may still be processing a lot of junk from the drugs out of us.

Do you know how long til your affects go away ? from the w/drawal ,etc.
you have the suboxone and it sounds it is working very well for you , that is good, that ought to help a lot to keep the demons at bay.

Yes day one is about learning to relax, we really forgot to just relax when we are "out there" in that madness of a lifestyle that goes w/ using and addiction.

Being thankful to have a second chance at life here and now .

2 tools already in our tool belt of recovery would be meditating daily
and music, to relax by...

This is an incremental part of my day and my evening that no matter what goes on any given day you know what? I can always rely on and look forward to and depend upon my meditations, no ill effects just fruits and goodness come from it. It will always be there for us.

The other thing I thought of in reading your truth for today is
the act of meditation.

In fact I will suggest a great little book I read a few years back called "Meditation in Action"

It's good you already know what you connect with.

Oh, last note is that I have also been doing Chakra healings on myself, found a few decent guided meditations to clear the chakras, realy does help a lot.

I like the breathe out , expell all the crap and junk of the mind and heart and body and on the breath in , breath in the good and wonderful source of energy and purity...

Thanks AK guess I'll have to call you Arkansaw for a nick name.

I think we banged up day one pretty good and beat the dead horses..on this but I think it is a great start!

I love it that we are always given a fresh chance w/ tomorrow or today

I was very tired when I came off the drugs , initially back when, very very tired, no energy at all...

Good time to catch up on rest, Whenever you get fidgety or restless or irritable, look for a meditation break maybe 20 minutes or a cat nap, great tool for us even when we are healthy and balanced again.

5

I don't know how long it will take before I feel normal again. I've been getting high so long I have no idea what feeling normal is. I hope over the course of the next few weeks I'll start feeling better. Today I woke up and was going to start my meditaion ritual but I felt I was having an LSD flashback. Trailing hands and all that. It scared the **** out of me. Thankfully after an hour those feelings went away.

The tiredness is incredible. At times just walking across the floor takes all the energy I have. I even have to gather up courage just to take a shower. My anxieties are reaching newer and newer highs. If I hear a bump I jump. I'm going to ask my doctor to put me on Klonopin along with the Suboxone. So I'll be on Klonopin 2mg day and Suboxone 16mg day. I have to do this because my agoraphobia and other anxieties are going to kill me.

Iv'e made a pact to stay the program until the new year then I'll start tapering off both. I have to be ready for that day so I'm setting goals now and mending my life. So now my program today looks like this. Meds, meditation, relaxation and participation in this forum.

I've heard of Chakra but know little about it. I'll Google it and check it out. Also, go check out my thread discussion "The real fear of Agoraphobia" in the anxiety and agoraphobia support groups. It sounds funny but these things are very real to me no matter how irrational.

Thanks for the feedback.

6

dear AK,

Ok, first thing I want to mention that I feel is worth mentioning is this:

Do not react to the way you are feeling right now,
now when I say that I don't mean to ignore it either but what I mean to say is:

a) observe
how you are feeling but the reason I say don't react to it is this:

You are changing inside and out. You will continue to change.

By the time we are done getting upset over how we feel today, it will be tomorrow and we may be feeling differently.

Know this instead, as you continue on this journey, you will have good days and bad days, this is the same as if we are completely recovered from our addiction (and all the behavior that is ingrained in us living as addicts)

Realize that none of this is permanent to the way you will be feeling overall, and that you will be changing a lot and the way you are feeling will change a lot.

so don't give any of the symptoms or feelings that are surfacing at this time too much weight, consider that these are passing.

and then we can let them pass,

It is a detox process and it's like the "layers of the onion peeling away " and you know what happens when the onion skins peel right?
Tears.

i fell into the trap back when , that I'd get upset over my symptoms or the way I was feeling on any given day and the mistake I'd make is :

In thinking that I would stay this way or that.

You will continue to feel better as you go and you will continue to change as you go.

It is all new from here on out.

Treat this thing on a day to day basis, because you just will change so much as you go.

It is a transitional stage you are going through.

so don't let it get too much of you in the thinking dept.

I remember also one thing that tripped me up is I'd thnk I felt like **** or what have you and that I'd always feel that way so why shoudl I get clean if I am gonna feel worse?

NOT TRUE. just the detox part and by continuing on in my efforts I saw that these things PASSED and I got better and better as I went along.

This time is a special time and you can find other things to do instead of using. That is what you will be doing, finding ohter things to do.

Oh, I went ahead and posted Day 2, sorry if it is late.

I am gonna post day 3 today so you can have that one for tomorrow.

In the beginning and with the detox and the total withdrawal, the physical w/d seems to be short lived, it is the pshychological wd that takes more time.

so when we go this new way it's all changing as we continue on this new road.

For me , the drug addiction had to be beat FIRST, before I addressed my other issues.
then though by not returning to using, instead I had to deal w/ my other issues, and again, I deal w/ them one by one as they surface.

Sometimes not even sure what I should do , but I do know and knew what NOT to do. and htat is enough sometimes too.

the Fatigue is out of this world, you will be tired. that is the case for a few months I think , depending on the person,

just get your rest.
and learn to listen to your body what it needs, rest is a plus as the using lifestyle has really depleted us.

It is the opposite now though, if we put in good food, good sleep, create good habits for uorselves and abstain from the bad ones, things will continue to improve

and again do not give the feelings more weight KNOWING THEY WILL PASS and everything will change again.

I will read your post ...I have a small bit of that, I will post though in that gropu and not here.

7

O.k. that was awesome reading ! Thank you all. Day 26.