Today's message is about the need for us to develop some self discipline.
This one is probably obvious by now as we have used a bit of this to get this far as well as in conquering the urges that have come so far to us, if any.
When I was using I had zero self discipline. That made me feel lousy.
I cannot think of anything that made me feel good about myself when I was using, all of it was pitiful and was destroying my character.
Some aspects of my character needed developing before I began using cocaine, but as a direct result of using cocaine, my existing defects and weaknesses became pronounced and any strengths or character I did have was destroyed by my using.
This destruction of character included my self discipline. As I say I may not have had that much in the first place, but I was the type of person that could set a goal and accomplish it. That was a really GOOD feeling.
Now, why would we choose to do something that ends up making us feel so bad and so bad about ourselves, when we can instead choose to do something that will allow us to feel good , better about ourselves.
In our right mind , we wouldn't. Using we lost that right mind and we are today bringing it all back.
We need to start small.
Make objectives, goals, set dates. Make your goals realistic and make them achievable. Start small and then you will experience success that will provide you with a sense of accomplishment and self esteem as we continue to restore what we lost to our using.
When I stopped using cocaine and went to quitting full time which at the time , felt like a full time job, I was truly humbled by the poor condition I was in.
I simply did not even know how poor my self discipline was and how weak and atrophied those muscles were until I went to begin to use them.
Never used them when I was using.
Using made me just not care about any thing else and not capable of caring.
Yet I did care, the real me did care and I was hurting myself. What a horrible feeling and feelings that using and the behavior that went with it brought out.
It is no wonder I was so horribly depressed and desperate in that state.
Continue using your self discipline and things WILL get easier.
If you are struggling, remember it WILL get easier.
Forge ahead with faith even if it at times seems a blind faith.
You are doing what is right and the results of your endeavoring will be just.
By now we are also probably addressing the damages caused by our using, debts, getting rid of dealers, repairing relations, making apologies perhaps, the list of damage control that goes w/ this territory.
We can use our self discipline to continue this process. We can make a list of items we need address (for me it always helps to write the stuff down) then it is like I am not carrying it all in my head and I can relax better.
Then prioritize your list as to what is most important.
If it seems
overwhelming, which surely at times it surely does, we need to simply TAKE IT EASY and know that any thing we do is progress in the right direction , however small. Believe me it WLL accumulate.
We are making incremental progess and it IS enough.
Sometimes we feel it cannot all be done fast enough, that is when we need to return to finding some patience, take a break, take a breath.
You may also find that by now you can also reward yourself. The sense of satisfaction in doing right each day is a reward in itself, in addition, we can provide healthy things for us to do to serve us as our carrots at the end of the stick.
Hey, there are thousands of things we CAN do, pick one, as there is only one thing on this journey right now we are concerned with NOT DOING and that is not going to smoke any nasty, crack cocaine, which I commonly refer to as pure drek.
Pure poisen.
We must also remember to keep all of the rules we have established for ourselves to help ourselves stop this menace. As we ought to have rules set up for ourselves that we must abide by to succeed.
Keep those rules and continue to use your self discipline, however weak you may feel now does not matter, you CAN do this.
Truth is , we have done much worse things for far less good reasons.
The efforts at times seems so great, be assured that the results of this effort will be just that equally rewarding ( and then some ) by doing this.
I remember using the saying "Do it Anyway"
Find your warrior spirit. It IS there, it may be buried, it may be injured by I assure you if you are still breathing it is still there.
When I began my journey my true voice seemed so very very small , I had simply just lost that much of myself, yet I could feel it there and it desperately wanted out of the hell created by smoking crack cocaine.
It was enough.
Plan your days and make sure you have your plans made, that is another tool to make this ride an easier one.
We do not want down time for the mind to go into auto pilot, therefore it helps to make a daily plan that we adhere to that addresses our need for
physical - exercise, proper rest, proper food -
mental - continue to defrag the harddrive and eliminate all negative thoughts and squash the urges IMMEDIATE
spiritual - that is up to you to practice what faith works for you
emotional - journal, and TALK to someone
DETOX
Add music on for your icing on the cake
DAILY
add Consistency
Stir Occasionally
Do not shake
Mix Well
Treat this like a job, or a warfare you are the warrior, treat cocaine as your enemy. Build your fort and foundation to protect yourself and maintenance.