Day 2 plus appointment

Last week I liked the nurse that checked my vitals and asked me questions but this week they pissed me off. I planned everything today for meals. And I am fine with everything. I had a nice healthy breakfast before my appointment. They took vitals and weight again. When that was over they said I gained! I'm trying to not let tht bother me but why would you tell me that! It made me slightly mad. And then they wouldn't stop asking me questions. How's your eating? Did you excercise? How do you feel about how much you are eating... They wouldn't shut up. They told me they said no exercise last week- what the???- so I broke a rule. But since i gained I can go only 3 days a week for a small amount of time. Exercise makes me feel good and I never abuse it! Why do they have to put limits???? And apparently my Orthostatic blood pressure last week was bad :( it was a mess.

I still went and had a snack ofter though so I am being good. Ad my boyfriend is proud I gained a little and that I'm doing a good job. I hope the day gets better.

Allee

and then I binged a little.... I can't seem to do well! GAH!

allee...can you try to focus on the positive, and give yourself a break? You are making some very important and difficult changes. You can't expect (although you may) yourself to do everything perfect. I agree that it isn't best to share with you about your weight, but remember that everyone's weight fluctuates, and the difference in your weight was likely very slight. I would guess that the limits were put into place to help you accept a more rigid structure, which can be helpful for many aspects of treatment/recovery. Ask them!
I sense that, as is usual, your emotional upsets are closely tied to those times when you restrict or when you binge. Can you see that? Maybe you can try to think ahead about those times that may be more upsetting, and put some 'safety' plans in place that could help you.
You are doing a great job of sticking with this....give yourself credit! Take care Allee...Jan ♥

Allee,

I'm sorry to hear you didn't have the greatest day, but just try to calm down and look at things from an outside perspective.

When I was in the hospital when I was very ill, my "rules" were very regimented... more so than yours. I was completely bed ridden except for if I went to the bathroom. If they wanted to bring me somewhere else I had to be in a wheelchair. If they saw jiggling a lot some nurses would even tell me to stop (I have a habit of tapping my foot, it had nothing to do with ED). They also made me keep the door open when I slept in case I decided to do nightly exercise, and checked on me constantly. My bathroom door was locked so every time I needed to go I had to buzz a nurse and wait for them to come...sometimes it took a while too. I always had to do a blind weigh, and they wouldn't tell me anything about it. Only later, if I did gain would they tell me I had a privilege for the day (like an hour of TV...ya, I had a TV in my room but couldn't watch it most of the time). When I ate meals I had 30 minutes to eat it, and then they nurse stayed with me 30 minutes after so some digestion could go through. For snacks it was the same thing except 15 minutes instead. They are very suspicious of you.
I remember once I was at the sink in my room (the sink wasn't in the bathroom) brushing my teeth, and I was spitting and a nurse walked by and freaked out on me...I guess she thought I was purging.
Another time, I had my morning vitals done, and about an hour later I had to go #2...the nurse who came to open the door accused me of holding it during my morning pee so I could weigh more and forced me back on the scale. Of course this was NOT what I intended (I was appalled she even thought I was doing such a thing) but obviously I lost some weight, and I got no privileged that day. My mother came in a bit later and talked to the head nurse, and they came to talk to me about the situation. I was still so confused they thought I would do something like that and assured them that was not my intention. They believed me, thank goodness.

However these are only stories of some of the more "mean" nurses. I never caused any problems from Day 1, and most were very nice to me and would talk to me during my meal times instead of just sitting there. It just depended on who was assigned to me that day, you know?

My point of the matter is sometimes you get lucky with your nurse, and other times they don't. ED can make your mind do very sneaky things and while you may not be trying to do that, the nurses know from experience to be suspecting and thus often thinking the worst of your decisions and actions. And especially since they're not with you 24/7 to observe, they'll have a lot of standard questions they'll repeat to make sure you're doing well...but they're looking out for your best interest!!
I assure you that what they have recommended is only temporary and it is beneficial for you in the long run.

It's hard to believe it, but you can eat a healthy amount with no exercise and still maintain! And with all your walking around campus I'm sure you'll be just fine anyways. Besides, right now you're aiming to gain and exercise just makes things more difficult. I remember my dietitian saying to me "Sure you can exercise...but that just means you'll have to eat more to compensate." And that didn't sit too well with me. I felt I was eating enough as it is and didn't want to put anymore in.

As for them actually telling you, you gained...I know that always bothered me. But you can always ask them to not say anything to you, besides "keep on working hard" or "you're going to have to bump it up a bit", and once you're at your goal weight, they'll talk to you about maintaining :) Just be open and honest.

I know you can make it through this Allee! You're taking so many new steps it will just take some time for everything to settle in. Keep writing!!

Paige xoxo

hmmm i dont like that they did that to you allee, i know how it is to be told you gained and what fear that can bring, so im so sorry they did that ...i always blind weight and some people are not sensitive to people with ED. sometimes you get mean ones, sometimes nice. jsut keep your head up. it is sooo normal to flunctuate a bit--there is nothing wrong with that. and im sure it was slight, still they didnt have to tell you that...hmmm

i always make a point to tell the nurse not to tell me the weight or blind weigh me. some give me funny looks like, how dumb... but i dont care what they think. the one nurse is usually get is nice about it....and sometimes doesnt even wiegh me. but some give you funny looks...

but it works for me.

you are doing great, and dont let those who are insensitive to ED get you down

love
maureen